To STILL be considered odd to keep my maiden name, even though it's 2018?

[jamoncrumpets]

I married DH in 2013. I kept my surname for a number of reasons: wasn't that enamoured of DH's, feminist reasons, I just really like my own surname.

Didn't make a deal out of it at all, but did mention to family and family-in-law that I'd be keeping my name. Kept the explanation brief 'I just like my name', and left it at that.

So why am I STILL receiving post from family addressed to 'Mrs DHSURNAME'?! Even from my own DF?!

Then today I was talking to one of my aunts and she was utterly shocked that I was happy to have a different surname to my DC 'But he's your SON, how can you not want the same name, you're a FAMILY?!' - tbh it never entered my head to care! I adore my DS, and my husband, and don't feel like our name is the vital thing that links us together.

AIBU to just be a little bit fed up of having to explain myself over and over again to people?! How can I politely tell these people to fuck off?

[TittyGolightly]

I think what lemon is trying to say is that name changing on marriage is normal for women because they have ovaries. So desperate were we in the past to have brilliant babies that we would literally be owned by menfolk and outwardly show that. And they would be honoured at the worship shown towards their manly cocks by women. And everyone was happy.

Then some pesky women started asking why they couldn’t be equal and ruined it all.

[Americantan]

limon can I ask what your job is? I’m just curious as to the influences around you. I work in professional services with a huge Australian influence, a very egalitarian environment.

[Limoncell0]

Yes Itsu that is all true. People do things because they want to and because it feels natural and right. I am 40 years old and I know what I'm about. If you can't be honest about how you feel, then what's the point? That's all there is to it really.

[TittyGolightly]

I’m also 40. I see the inequality between men and women every day.

[BertrandRussell]

"I’m also 40. I see the inequality between men and women every day."
I'm much older than 40-and so do I.

[TittyGolightly]

It’s 2018.

[Limoncell0]

American - I have been a SAHM for 10 years since I had my first child - yet another way that I've "willingly and eagerly" reinforced the patriarchy no doubt! We now have 3 DC. We're in a central area of London. I may or may not return to work, but probably something different if I do.

Prior to this I was a professional dancer (ballet) but also have an Msc in a health-related field which I was working in directly before having the kids.

[CelticSelkie]

My children don't have the same name as me and it's never caused me 30 seconds of hassle.

[Americantan]

That sounds like a very interesting career Limon!

It does though make sense that you support stereotypical sex roles if you are financially dependent on a man.

[DontCallMeCharlotte]

Colleague has changed her name for "professional" reasons (totally unnecessary in our business) and for dealing with authorities regarding her elderly parent (which makes sense) She uses her married name for everything else. She gets herself into a terrible pickle sometimes.

To be fair her maiden name is beautiful and her married name is hilarious (although not a domestic appliance).

[DontCallMeCharlotte]

FFS. The one time I didn't use preview. Colleague has not changed her name etc.

[Limoncell0]

American - well yes, but I wouldn't promote stereotypical sex roles for everyone necessarily. I just think if you happen to feel ok with that you shouldn't need to somehow feel bad about it.

Also, even if I was working, I would still in reality be "living off a man" because he is a much higher earner than I would have been and so that's what tends to dictate your family's lifestyle anyway. Most women I know have the DH name whether they work or not. If I look down the class lists of all my DC, the only women who don't have the DH name are from non-British cultures, e.g. Pakistan.

[Onlyoldontheoutside]

I obviously got this all wrong,I proposed n a leap year and was gobsmacked that he said yes(he didn't see the point in marriage but knew it was important for me),I didn't change my name as I didn't see the point,carried on working.But I did give DD his surname,like OP I didn't need the same name to be a mum but felt it was important to have the same for them(In retrospect I didn't want him to feel sidelined as I also breastfed and she refused bottles).
The only issue I had was that exh had put my name on the voting forms that come every few years as his name,no problem until there was a check went on linking you with national insurance no's to verify entitlement to vote.It took so many phone calls to reconcile voting name to maiden name and same NI number.as I wanted it all n maiden name.Doing it the other way round just requires a phone call!

[Dungeondragon15]

The only issue I had was that exh had put my name on the voting forms that come every few years as his name,no problem until there was a check went on linking you with national insurance no's to verify entitlement to vote.It took so many phone calls to reconcile voting name to maiden name and same NI number.as I wanted it all n maiden name.Doing it the other way round just requires a phone call!

He gave you his surname on voting forms even though you kept your maiden name?! That is outrageous!