To STILL be considered odd to keep my maiden name, even though it's 2018?

[jamoncrumpets]

I married DH in 2013. I kept my surname for a number of reasons: wasn't that enamoured of DH's, feminist reasons, I just really like my own surname.

Didn't make a deal out of it at all, but did mention to family and family-in-law that I'd be keeping my name. Kept the explanation brief 'I just like my name', and left it at that.

So why am I STILL receiving post from family addressed to 'Mrs DHSURNAME'?! Even from my own DF?!

Then today I was talking to one of my aunts and she was utterly shocked that I was happy to have a different surname to my DC 'But he's your SON, how can you not want the same name, you're a FAMILY?!' - tbh it never entered my head to care! I adore my DS, and my husband, and don't feel like our name is the vital thing that links us together.

AIBU to just be a little bit fed up of having to explain myself over and over again to people?! How can I politely tell these people to fuck off?

" I don’t see any point in keeping your maiden name as it just causes confusion. "

because it is my name/identity?

As I said earlier VladmirsPoutine, I wasn't on Mumsnet in 2013 when I married DH.

I won't be changing my name and my DC have my name too- although this leads to the odd strange reaction such as the HV assuming DC1 wasn't DPs when I was pregnant with DC2. So I think the assumption that children will take their father's name is as problematic as the assumption that women will change theirs.

Married in 2010 and it's never been an issue. I have more problems with the fact that I go by middle name rather than my first. That's a massive issue all the time!

Ok maybe the problem is just that my family/my in-laws are just a bunch of jerks...

I kept my name. And I'm a SAHM so can't even justify it by saying I was too successful and important to change it. It's because it's my tucking name and I wasn't prepared to give it up. My mum disapproves and still addresses cards to Mrs Hisname. It's been seven and a half years.

17 years married here and I still also get post from relatives with DH's name despite them being told many times that I don't use his name, I use mine exclusively.

DS has DH's name - I do wish I'd put my name in there somewhere but it really doesn't matter. I carried him etc and he looks more like me so it's pretty clear he's my son. Sometimes I correct the school when they call me Mrs TH name, sometimes I don't.

I have noticed that I am pretty much the only mum in his class who is married but not using DH's name.

I've been married nearly 25 years and didn't ever consider changing my name - it's part of my identity. I wouldn't have married someone who had minded.
I do slightly judge women who do change name - although I wouldn't admit it IRL!

*Fucking name DYAC.

It’s usual in my job to keep your own name, but my guilty secret is that I changed my name to DH’s because my original surname was long, fairly unusual and people often spell it incorrectly. DHs name is very common. As my work role means my name and professional profile appears on our work website I changed my name in order to be more anonymous, and to get a better name. DH doesn’t know this....

I didn't change mine. Don't know anyone else who didn't change, except for a couple of professionals who kept their names for work use only. MIL and SIL are hugely offended but nobody else is bothered.

I have this. When people ask are you MrsDHName I say no but I am his wife. Which doesn't really help the poor backward things but makes me feel better.
If people persist in asking why I would want to do something as outlandish as use my own name I just tell them I refused to let DH name me after his mother as I'm not really into that..... That normally shuts them up but is a little unfair on DH as he would never have dreamed of asking me to take his name.

I double barrelled when I got married although my husband wanted to just take my (very common) name, and I wanted his (exotic) name, so we took both, and as far as I can remember, family respected that. We're divorced now, and I wouldn't change my name again, but my partner unfortunately has the same last name as me anyway, so if we married i couldn't make my "feminist statement"

I think my ex is still using "my name" though, he hated his name.

My mum kept her maiden name, and I did the same when I got married. The way I see it, you're two different people with different histories and families. You shouldn't have to lose who you are just because you're now married. But that's just my 2cents

This phenomenon is almost exclusively an occurrence on MN. No-one in RL gives much, if any, of a shit.

False.

Why though GottaGetMoving? I don't understand the need for my DS to have my surname. I carried him for 9 months. I fed him. I wipe his butt every day

But why do you need to understand? People are entitled to their own opinions and beliefs surely? I personally wouldn't even consider having a different surname to my children :-) I don't need to explain why, it is just very important to me that as a family unit, we all share a surname. Also not sure what on earth it has to do with wiping their butts But again, you are entitled to your own opinion.....

It's not backward to take your husband's name. Some traditions persist because people want them to - men and women. It's as simple as that really.

I must confess that i rather like my name. it has a Z and stuff in it.
So i was happy to make a 'feminist statement'.
But being honest if my birth name had been 'Pigg' or 'Hoare' or 'Smellie' i would probably have been delighted to change.

Honestly, my DH's name is a bit... naff. Think essential household object and you're in the right ballpark. I didn't want to be named after something you can buy in Wilko.

Also I just like my name!

Dustpan? Bin?

My guess is Bucket!

Although if my DH was Bucket, I don't know if I could resist changing my name and pronouncing it Bouquet. Principles only go so far, y'know.

Four Fried

Right ball park.

Haha! Not saying, but yes, it might as well be all of those.

I loved my name so much so I kept it when I got married and my DH took my name. His father was a twat, his mum had remarried and he didn’t have much to do with them so he wasn’t bothered by his name. I loved him even more for taking my name.

People who didn’t know me found it weird but my family & friend were not surprised at all. It links me back to my family origins (non uk name) and I’m the last in my family line with our name. My DH initials now spell out son of a bitch which we found really amusing I’m not sure if that is the actual reason he took my name! His mother went potty at us and I’m apparently super controlling just because I wanted to keep my name. I don’t see it as an act of feminism, I would have kept my name even if he hadn’t changed his. I’m just fortunate he was happy to change his