To STILL be considered odd to keep my maiden name, even though it's 2018?

[jamoncrumpets]

I married DH in 2013. I kept my surname for a number of reasons: wasn't that enamoured of DH's, feminist reasons, I just really like my own surname.

Didn't make a deal out of it at all, but did mention to family and family-in-law that I'd be keeping my name. Kept the explanation brief 'I just like my name', and left it at that.

So why am I STILL receiving post from family addressed to 'Mrs DHSURNAME'?! Even from my own DF?!

Then today I was talking to one of my aunts and she was utterly shocked that I was happy to have a different surname to my DC 'But he's your SON, how can you not want the same name, you're a FAMILY?!' - tbh it never entered my head to care! I adore my DS, and my husband, and don't feel like our name is the vital thing that links us together.

AIBU to just be a little bit fed up of having to explain myself over and over again to people?! How can I politely tell these people to fuck off?

I think I will be changing my name on marriage.

I never thought I would however due to my work my name is googled by people I do business with. The first results produce topless models with my name. I have a very common first and last name which I have always hated.

My DP has a more unusual name and it will make it easier to distinguish me from the masses.

If DP had a common surname so wouldn't change.

Is it Floral Eyelet Curtains OP?

I don't consider it odd, but maybe that says something about other people that I am possibly in a minority. When a woman at work gets married I sometimes ask if they will be using their maiden name or not.

Mr Scouring Pad?

Actually, I'm with your aunt on this -

Then today I was talking to one of my aunts and she was utterly shocked that I was happy to have a different surname to my DC

I'm married 25 years.
I kept my name
Husband kept his name
Children have both our names, hyphenated.

Schools, doctors etc can easily attach both me and DH to our children. keeping my name has never presented any sort of issue admin wise, in fact I'm sure it's made life a lot easier and cheaper. Some people, usually women, do have a problem with it though, but then I have a problem with them letting there husband stamp his name all over her as if she belongs to him.

That's not my situation though GottaGetMoving, I'm married to my DCs DF. They both (born and unborn) have the same DF. And how exactly is it more 'practical' and for whom? Them? Or you?

Not everyone stays married. It's more practical in general.

I changed to my first husband's name and then back to my original name by deed poll on divorce. I got married again a few years ago and just couldn't be arsed to do all those name change letters/emails/phone calls AGAIN. So I'm happily using my own name. I'm a Miss too as that's what it says on my deed poll.

So everybody in our house has a different surname - DD has her Dad's surname - and I can't think of a single time that school or the doctor's or anyone else has found it hard to comprehend or get right. In my experience that argument that it's all so much easier to have the same name doesn't hold water.

I've definitely got more resolutely feminist over time and the mistake, if there is one, was changing my name the first time.

It's a family name. If you don't want to be in the same family as everyone else, then that's your prerogative. Oh dear OP, you'll have to put the children out with the recycling. It appears that you're no longer related

I don’t see any point in keeping your maiden name as it just causes confusion I think that if anyone is confused by the concept of a woman's name remaining exactly the same, they need more help than a name change would give them.

My husbands name got to stay the same. Why not mine?

I heart Bertrand.

Also a non-name changer here. Sometimes people ask me what my 'married name' is and I just look at them blankly and repeat my surname.

However, I did insist one of dc's names was my surname. It's not a joined name, but it's on the passport & birth cert so it's easier for travelling.

I’ve got a triple barrel my dp a double barrel
I’m planning on going for the full five.
Fuck those cunts who can’t deal with it.

Mrs scouring-viakal-Smith-Jones-heart

I think it’s got a ring to it

Another one here who's kept her name for professional/feminist reasons. No problems from my own parents or his parents, or any rabbits, friends and relations except a couple of antediluvian uncles who still call me by my husband's name. DCs have husband's name but it matters not. I still think of myself as Ms Mou. Interestingly Afrikaner women of the old brigade used to keep their own names but many younger ones change. As for it being complicated - no more so than two people with children who have chosen not to marry.

Married to DH for almost 16 years. Never changed my name. Never will. Where I live most women tend to double barrel, but my name doesn't go with anything. A lot of women don't change. I would say it's probably 40% double barrel, 30% own name and 30% take their husbands name.

DH couldn't care less. His relatives know that I didn't change my name, but some still choose to ignore it. His cousin was getting married last year and sent the invite to (eg:) John and Hilda Smith. I sent back one that said John Smith and Hilda Jones would be unable to attend. (Not because of that, we weren't going anyway) but I just find it so ignorant when people refuse to use the name that you identify as purely because they think you 'should' be using Mrs Smith.

And how exactly is it more 'practical' and for whom? Them? Or you?

If you get divorced and go travelling it’s definitely more practical to have the same name as your children.

I don’t particularly like my surname but it attaches me to my family who I love so I’ve never changed it.

I'm nearly 50. I've had the same name all that time. I see no point whatsoever in changing my name, I never have.

DCs have their dads surname, but we have never had any problems in being a family unit.

And it seems to be mainly English speaking cultures where women change their names, from what I can see. And given the sexist, misogynistic idiots in these cultures, I'm not surprised.

I kept mine through 2 marriages and DS has my name also . I was first married 28 years ago.

but I am only joining this thread to try and guess OPs DHs mane
I think its.... Mr Floormop

No actually, (OMG! ) . What if? what if its Mr Dyson ?!!!!

If you get divorced and go travelling it’s definitely more practical to have the same name as your children.

Nobody has any way of knowing my marital status by looking at me, nor by my ID.

I’ve travelled extensively with DD since she was born and never had an issue. She has DH’s surname, and my surname as a middle name. Seems to work without me needing to do loads of admin. 😊

Married in 2007, kept my name as it works well with my first name and people can spell it, unlike my husband's name. I very occasionally get post in his name, but more because the kids have his surname than because of him, IYSWIM (it's much cooler than my surname, so I was happy for them to have it).

Only had one funny reaction, which was from the awful locum GP I went to when I was first pregnant with DD, who I told my name and husband's name and when I told her I was 'Mrs [Maiden name]' she said 'Isn't that a bit weird?!'

I should add he sometimes gets post for my surname too!

@NewYearNewMe18 It may well be a[n English speaking] Western woman thing, because in many other parts of the world it is usual for people to keep their own names after marriage, in some places, like Spain, both spouses change their names and in other countries it is illegal for people to change their name.

@UnrelentingFruitScoffer isn't it more bother to change your name? I much preferred the "do nothing" option.

I booked a holiday through a travel agent a few months ago. I am the only person that has dealt with them. They only know my husband's surname because I had to give that info along with our DD's info so they could confirm the flight bookings. I just noticed today that the entire booking is in my husband's name. What is this bizarre obsession with 'man's name is more important'?!

Have been married 22 years...no name change from me. No one comments now..no problem both DC have DH last name as mine is a bit prone to teasing...no prob. Family have accepted...my mum sometimes forgets..but hay.

Bertrand

I get this from relatives OP. Annoying but I've learnt to ignore. A lot of people think that there's only one way of doing a thing and they find it hard to change.