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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For being peed off that shop assistant made dd say thank you beofre giving her her sweets

393 replies

twobabies · 12/05/2007 15:45

Hi All

I really would like to know if IABU or not, so dd is not yet two and only just started talking. She can say thank you (well she says cue but we know what she means .

We went to the shop today for her treat as she has done really well with her potty training this week and we promised her a little choccy bar. We walked down and when I let her choose she was so excited, picked one and we went to the till. The shop was packed so she had been holding it for about 5 mins before we got to the till then I took it of her for the lady to scan and dd had a small winge.

The shop lady then says to dd loudly "well if your going to be like that your not having it back until you say thank you" whilst holding it out to dd? I said she doesnt talk actually and dd is quite shy around strangers so I knew she wouldn't. The shop assistant just looked at dd and said "well are you going to say thank you" dd is now hiding in my legs looking at me really upset. I said to the woman look she isn't going to say thank you and she said "oh i'm not sure you really deserve this then" before handing it over to me.

I think the reason i'm upset is because dd was so excited as she hardly gets sweets/choccy at all and I really thought this witch had spoilt it and made it look like dd had no manners to everyone else in the shop.

Please tell me if i'm just being hormonal or if this woman is actually mad?

OP posts:
Flower3554 · 12/05/2007 15:47

I think I would have asked to see the manager

How dare she She is mad and you are not being unreasonable.

Rantum · 12/05/2007 15:48

No, the woman was completely out of order, but if it makes you feel any better I am sure that everyone else in the shop was feeling bad for you - most people know that 2 year old's language skills are only developing.

Next time (if there is one!) just say loudly yourself "Thank you!" as if talking FOR your child and take the chocolate and give it to your dd yourself.

Stupid moo!

Ceolas · 12/05/2007 15:49

I would have been annoyed at that.

Gobbledigook · 12/05/2007 15:49

What a bitch! I'd have had words!

CarGirl · 12/05/2007 15:49

she was so rude that was awful I would complain, in hindsight you should have said "actually she is mute, she can't" I am going to try and store that away for my dc when they do not want to talk to strangers!

Gobbledigook · 12/05/2007 15:50

Whether a child can speak or not, I find that often they are shy and if you start prompting them to say something they clam up even more. THey are children ffs

Original poster
twobabies · 12/05/2007 15:50

Ah good not just me then. I just told DP what happened and in his words "I'm surprised you didn't lamp her"

OP posts:
fryalot · 12/05/2007 15:51

my dd2 is nearly three, she talks fine and she always says thank you.

However, there is absolutely NO WAY on this Earth that she would have spoken to a shop assistant. Especially not one who intimidated her - she's way too shy.

You are not being unreasonable at all.

Original poster
twobabies · 12/05/2007 15:52

Gobbledigook, i agree dd will never say things if she knows your trying to get her to for other people.

OP posts:
brimfull · 12/05/2007 15:53

she is mad

FrannyandZooey · 12/05/2007 15:54

oh god how nasty

I know exactly what you mean about it having been a treat and she has spoiled it

silly mare

PestoMonster · 12/05/2007 15:55

What a cow!!

Your poor little dd. Hope you managed to make a fuss of her afterwards.

GreebosWhiskers · 12/05/2007 15:55

Actually I think you SHOULD have lamped her - you have my permission to next time.
It's disgusting that this stupid bint has spoiled your dds treat. What's it got to do with her if dd says thank you - she wasn't buying her the farking thing, you were. How did she know that your dd hadn't already said thanks or that she wouldn't when you got outside? I can just picture the expression on the poor wee one's face

coppertop · 12/05/2007 15:58

I hope the shop assistant remembered to say thankyou when you gave her the chocolate and the money.

YANBU. Once you've paid she doesn't get the right to put terms and conditions on when you get the things you've paid for.

lucyellensmum · 12/05/2007 16:02

the woman is a fecking old bag, if that had been me i would have landed one on her - bloody cow. I'm paranoid enough about my dd speech without that sort of thing, im irate for you. Who the hell does she think she is. I hate it when people think they have the right to judge, talk down to, or even talk to our little ones, my dd is really shy and little old dears just home in on her, she hides her little face, i feel like saying "why dont you just feck off and leave her alone, cant you see you are upsetting her" but i dont because these old dears think they are being nice and probably thinking of their grandchildren/children. I would have lamped her one though, old bitch!

Should i be potty training then? dd is 22m?? not wanted to push it, oh, im a bad mother -AGAIN

bewilderbeast · 12/05/2007 16:03

I'd be really pissed off if this happened to me so yanbu

Judy1234 · 12/05/2007 16:04

I tihnk it's a fundamental parenting error ever to make small children associate being good with getting unhealthy food, particularly chocolate or sweets. That's much more an important issue than fuss over saying please and thank you.

obimomkanobi · 12/05/2007 16:14

Xenia, what a load of bollocks.

Original poster
twobabies · 12/05/2007 16:16

I chocolate unhealthy once a week?

OP posts:
Original poster
twobabies · 12/05/2007 16:16

is, even

OP posts:
Elasticwoman · 12/05/2007 16:17

It is not the shop assistant's job to correct customers' manners and if I were you I'd write and complain to the manager, saying you are going to boycott that particular shop and advertise the fact on MN until you and dd get a full and unconditional apology.

I see where Xenia is coming from, about not making sweets and junk food a reward for good behaviour, but in this case it was the whole novelty of going into a shop and choosing it herself. That part of it was spoilt for your dd. I do not feel that chocolate is completely junk anyway as it contains zinc and iron. Yes ok it is mostly fat and sugar but a little bit of what you fancy ...

Judy1234 · 12/05/2007 16:18

We can agree to disagree. I'm sure it won't kill her but it does build up a pattern that sweets are a gorgeous lovely thing you get if you behave whereas instead they rot your teeth and are bad for her health and will make her fat and unhealthy so couldn't the treat be something else - like a trip swimming?

ChippyMinton · 12/05/2007 16:21

YANBU at all. What an old baggage! Anyway, since when do you say 'thank you' before you receive something? Surely it is offered, you take and then say thank you.

moondog · 12/05/2007 16:21

lol at Xenia

Really horrid behaviour and unfortunately not uncommon.

In my work as a salt I regularly see teaching staff humiliate children with comunication problems.

The one that is seared into my brain is the wicked bitch who made a child with complex language problems stand up in a class of 30 children and order him to recite his name,address and age,most of which he got wrong as he was terrified.

She then proceeded to mock him even more.
It makes my heart pound to think of it 12 years later.

She is still teaching.

Elasticwoman · 12/05/2007 16:22

I agree it would be a bad idea for sweets always to be the reward.