For being peed off that shop assistant made dd say thank you beofre giving her her sweets

[twobabies]

Hi All

I really would like to know if IABU or not, so dd is not yet two and only just started talking. She can say thank you (well she says cue but we know what she means .

We went to the shop today for her treat as she has done really well with her potty training this week and we promised her a little choccy bar. We walked down and when I let her choose she was so excited, picked one and we went to the till. The shop was packed so she had been holding it for about 5 mins before we got to the till then I took it of her for the lady to scan and dd had a small winge.

The shop lady then says to dd loudly "well if your going to be like that your not having it back until you say thank you" whilst holding it out to dd? I said she doesnt talk actually and dd is quite shy around strangers so I knew she wouldn't. The shop assistant just looked at dd and said "well are you going to say thank you" dd is now hiding in my legs looking at me really upset. I said to the woman look she isn't going to say thank you and she said "oh i'm not sure you really deserve this then" before handing it over to me.

I think the reason i'm upset is because dd was so excited as she hardly gets sweets/choccy at all and I really thought this witch had spoilt it and made it look like dd had no manners to everyone else in the shop.

Please tell me if i'm just being hormonal or if this woman is actually mad?

The occasional bar of chocolate or a few sweets do/es not cause obesity.

The issue is a bit more complex than that.

ha crossed posts with St George - I love you too!

Well, I suppose if you spend zero time with your children, a small crumb of attention is quite a huge treat for them.

Aw shucks 2shoes

I would have got her sacked on the spot.

I always taught my children to say please and thank you, but DS2 did not talk until he was almost 3.
I would have been very upset with someone trying to press him to speak.

Xenia there's a lot more to the working class obesity link than your simplified view that all working class kids live on sweets and all posh kids don't. Availability of good local shops for those without transport, price of healthy v. unhealthy food, culture, education etc etc. You get fat poor kids and fat rich kids. What is really really sad is that you come in here and manage to hi-jack yet another thread.

Twobabies I would have been really cross with that silly lady - and well done for your DD for doing well at potty training, which is what I believe the reward was for. My DD gets the odd sweet too and she has such an amazing diet - eats all the fruit and veggies under the sun. We clean her teeth well and also give her treats like strawberries and raspberries - what's the problem?

Oh FFS I see yet again its a burn at the stake thread as if you give your children chocolate you are now a useless, uncaring child abusing parent.

My kids have a treat on Fridays, cake, sweets, chocolate whatever,
Neither of the are fat, they are both very loved wanted and we spend loads of time with them and DS1 has an IQ that would put a lot of the posters on here to shame.

What a horrid old bag! You should have told her to shove the chocolate and taken DD to another shop!

Now I'm going to sit down with a lovely box of chocolates as I've done very good mummying today and deserve them

And I am not being sarky! Been looking forward to my reward all day

I know fat middleclass people, huge problem. All I said was that in general there is more obesity the lower down the socio-economic scale you go and using sweets as a reward is something most parents try to avoid for obvious reasons.

xenia- LOL u take the biscuit for sweeping global generalisations/socialstereotypes/and general all round bellyaching

come round to mine for a fried mars bar any old time since u think that'a what us fatty scots do - hey u gave me a laugh thats what matters

Oh, and once a week I buy mine a comic on a saturday after swimming. They look through the ads saying "I want that, i want that" so whereas I am avoiding the bad food = reward, I am encouraging consumerism and greed in small children.

Am resigned to the fact that we can all just do our best and have done with it.

at this thread.

nasty cow in shop. yanbu.

Class divide/sweets/obesity. hmm...actually agree with xenia that giving sweets as a treat can send the wrong message.

But...I do it with my DD. How bad is that!!! I know something is wrong and still do it.

Lighten up everyone. Food 'debates' are getting boring and tbh all the OP wanted reassurance that the cashier was a silly moo.

Oh FFS - Xenia...what self-righteous, smug, sanctimonious planet do you come from??

This is one of the reasons I am considering leaving MN cos of the twats that lurk on these threads waiting to pick a fight with their god-awful, holier than thou attitudes.

In answer to the OP. The woman was a silly bint (bit like Xenia) and exceptionally rude. I don't think a letter to the manager would go amiss.

Is this ABOUT sweets Is IT??? OMG! I thought It was about someone MAKING your child have MANNERS! ?

YANBU, how very rude of her. Xenia's linking poverty and obesity - true - but is mistaken about the reasons and even more mistaken to imply that a population trend affects all individuals equally.

Wilkie don't you dare leave

edam, I don't think it affects everyone equally within those bands. But overall that is so, the poorer you are the fatter you are likely to be and that's wrong. We need to campaign to ensure the poor as likely to be size 10 as the rich.

Xenia, the child in question is not 18 months but "not yet 2" which in my book means nearly 2.

Why make vast over-generalisations about the relationship between obesity and class? You might as well say women are generally physically weaker than men. Maybe they are, but that doesn't mean that any one individual woman can't be stronger than another individual man. Can't see where the obesity/class parallel gets us.

Maybe it's a long time since you did any potty training. Did you do any, or did the nanny and exh do it all while you were at work? But when my ds carried on pooing his pants for a YEAR after being dry day and night, I'd have bribed him with absolutely anything and was DESPERATE for him to poo in the loo but he resolutely refused all bribes until he was ready to do it.

I think the OP's gentle reward includes time and attention as well as chocolate and she should reward herself too. What would you like, twobabies, a nice G & T?

I can certainly think of better things to campaign for.

I only put the bit about it being a treat in as an afterthought just to explain why I was miffed. If she had sweets often I wouldn't of been bothered about the silly woman ruining it.

Xenia, I haven't been on mumsnet long but have seen a few of your posts and this class thing seems to be quite important to you? I just can't see how people are supposed to fit into your class boxes at all. For example

We are definetly working class (ssshh dont tell but we're even on benefits) but we are healthy, extended breastfeeding, home birthing, nct membering, generally fab people. You seem to be very intelligent so I don't follow how you seem to believe that everybody fits into these classes of yours, you must get proved wrong alot of the time.

oh Xenia, you neeeeed to come and talk to my DP..............you would last about 5 seconds