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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For being peed off that shop assistant made dd say thank you beofre giving her her sweets

393 replies

twobabies · 12/05/2007 15:45

Hi All

I really would like to know if IABU or not, so dd is not yet two and only just started talking. She can say thank you (well she says cue but we know what she means .

We went to the shop today for her treat as she has done really well with her potty training this week and we promised her a little choccy bar. We walked down and when I let her choose she was so excited, picked one and we went to the till. The shop was packed so she had been holding it for about 5 mins before we got to the till then I took it of her for the lady to scan and dd had a small winge.

The shop lady then says to dd loudly "well if your going to be like that your not having it back until you say thank you" whilst holding it out to dd? I said she doesnt talk actually and dd is quite shy around strangers so I knew she wouldn't. The shop assistant just looked at dd and said "well are you going to say thank you" dd is now hiding in my legs looking at me really upset. I said to the woman look she isn't going to say thank you and she said "oh i'm not sure you really deserve this then" before handing it over to me.

I think the reason i'm upset is because dd was so excited as she hardly gets sweets/choccy at all and I really thought this witch had spoilt it and made it look like dd had no manners to everyone else in the shop.

Please tell me if i'm just being hormonal or if this woman is actually mad?

OP posts:
MrMariella · 13/05/2007 18:30

I don't think Xenia has hijacked this thread at all. She expresses opinion that people then disagree with in large numbers. Doesn't qualify as a Xenia-hijack at all.

And, she doesn't respond in a personal way at all, unlike many of the posters who do so towards her.

TnOgu · 13/05/2007 18:36

[MRM - I feel bad for jumping at you yesterday.Lots of apologies, you are a good sort!]

warthog · 13/05/2007 18:39

actually, i think it's great that we have xenia around. she expresses her opinion, explains why she says what she says and does so in an impersonal manner.

i think it's a real shame that her posts are taken so personally.

MrMariella · 13/05/2007 18:49

warthog - same view as me.

TnOgu...I didn't see it as you jumping on me...saw it as a misunderstanding, late, when drink had been taken (love that Scottish phrase!). You will be pleased to know I have gotten to the shops and having a cuppa as we speak!!

I do seem to have been generally 'jumped on'/misunderstood alot in last week or so.....

daisybump · 13/05/2007 18:58

MrMariella....The OP was about a wee girl being upset by a shop assistant and most people were responding to the question until Xenia questioned the woman's parenting for allowing her DD a small treat. Its since gone off on a complete tangent with some very scathing remarks made by Xenia about "lower classes" which lots of people, myself included, have found offensive and have felt the need to respond to. Looks like a hi-jack to me!

Warthog....I might be taking it the wrong way, and apologies to Xenia if I am, but telling someone they are making a fundamental parenting error by giving sweets as a reward for potty training doesn't really say "impersonal" to me

TnOgu · 13/05/2007 18:58

[hope it's in a proper china cup and poured from a freshly warmed teapot ]

MrMariella · 13/05/2007 19:09

daisybump - I do see your point about that, but X. was moving from the specific to the general, attempting to point to the wider issue of peoples attitudes to food, and how we (wrongly) enhance the value of sweets. Getting behind everyone else to condemn the rather unpleasant and intrusive assistant is a bit of a waste.

As I said earlier, X. is correct on alot of things, to me, but gets increasingly unsafe the more she draws assumptions.

morningpaper · 13/05/2007 19:15

Hmm I think Mumsnet is becoming a bit zeniaphobic

suejonez · 13/05/2007 19:17

and IMHO the rise of obesity is more to do with (subsidised) cheap sugar and palm oil from the US than chocolate per se.

Judy1234 · 13/05/2007 19:43

Yes, much more sugar in bread these days than there used to be. We will get to the position where only if you buy completely out of the ground foods you can avoid what they add in although I also read even fruit has a higher sugar content to suit our sweeter tastes today so they grow the more sugary versions.

I think people got upset because I mentioned some well known facts that the working classes tend to be more over weight and use sugar as a reward. I meet plenty of men in the City who can hardly squeeze their great fat bottoms into the leather chairs so it's certainly not just a working class issue but more of one, that's all.

NotanOtter · 13/05/2007 19:57

personally i cannot understand why she ostracises herself.....

FioFio · 13/05/2007 20:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
twobabies · 13/05/2007 20:03

Xenia I really don't know if the "working classes" are more obese than anyone else, but I can tell you this. Since DP was signed off work and we no longer have a regular wage coming in I find it hard to buy the type of food I would love to for the family ie organic, fresh (which is what we always used to buy).

I am sure some of the other ladies here might get these too but we are sent healthy start vouchers every month for about 2.80 each which we can use to buy milk, veg or fruit. If we didn't get these I don't think we would be able to buy anywhere near the amount of fresh food I would like to. There are occasions during the week when I would prefer to be having veg with my dinner but we end up substituting with beans or something similar.

I may just be rambling here but I think what i'm trying to say is that from our situation we can't always buy the food that you think we should be eating and instead have to do with a cheaper less healthy alternative. Maybe obesity is on the rise among the less well off because we can't afford the good healthy food others might take for granted.

But i'm just talking for myself here.

OP posts:
kimi · 13/05/2007 20:10

The people who eat too much and do not do and exercise are the fattest...... from All "classes"

kimi · 13/05/2007 20:10

*any

whomovedmychocolate · 13/05/2007 20:24

I think it's wrong to identify particular foods as an issue myself, it's a pattern of overeating and not exercising. No-one, regardless of their background, ever got fat from eating just one bar of chocolate did they?

daisybump · 13/05/2007 20:33

Love your nickname...WMMC....obviously someone did cos its not good for you

whomovedmychocolate · 13/05/2007 20:48

Daisybump - thanks! I feel a bit of a fraud using it now - I've lost eight pounds in the last week because I've decided to shift all this excess weight and be thin again. So I haven't had any chocolate for ages.

Judy1234 · 13/05/2007 20:49

FF, that used to be so. Fat equalled rich and the poor starved but it's reversed. It's fascinating. A bit liked tanned skin used to mean poor worked in the fields and then it meant rich enough to have foreign holidays and now it means ignorant enough to damage your skin gross permatan naffness etc....

On cost I agree part of the reason can be cost. But we eat a huge amount of brown rice and that is not expensive if you buy it in bulk, lots of baked potatoes with tinned sardines, lots of raw carrot and tap water. I just don't think those types of food are any more expensive than burgers and chips and sweets.

vimfuego · 13/05/2007 20:50

Eight pounds in a week?? That's a lot isn't it??

whomovedmychocolate · 13/05/2007 20:52

Vimfeugo - umm not for me, actually. I have about thirty pounds to lose (well 22 now). I went to hypnotherapy. Twas hilarious and I swear to you it didn't work....but it seems to, so am a bit and a bit , but mostly

vimfuego · 13/05/2007 20:55

OK, good luck, but do watch your health!

whomovedmychocolate · 13/05/2007 20:59

Xenia - yes basic foods are cheap in a lot of cases, but you are assuming there that people aren't eating for emotional reasons. Personally I prefer to eat veggies and give me a jacket potato with cheese and I'm very happy.

But for a lot of people that wouldn't exactly be comforting and that's what food can be about for people. That's not a class issue. But I will agree that if you have a pretty hard life it's sometimes more likely that you will want to take comfort in food.

Eating these days has become less about nutrition and more about status, comfort and reinforcement of values (e.g. I'm worth a Taste the Difference lasagne/KitKat etc.)

Saying that it is a class issue says that people don't have choices. I'd say it's an education and thinking issue. If people know the facts and choose to eat crap, that's their lookout. I know a lot of city boys who live on steak and chips - in fact I'm married to one (except he's retired now).

whomovedmychocolate · 13/05/2007 21:00

Vimfeugo - oh I do, thanks. I'm breastfeeding so I know I have to eat enough (and actually I eat quite a bit and I'm still losing weight). I've just realised I don't need to eat for reasons other than hunger anymore. Hurrah!

Judy1234 · 13/05/2007 21:23

Actually steak and chips is not such a bad set of foods in moderation compared with some. But I certainly agree saying defeatist things like I'm working class so in my 40s I can get really fat because everyone does or it's my genes or my big bones etc is not wise for anyone.

But Governments analysing where the worst obesity lies and targetting there is wise.

It's a bit like that difficult issue of whether you frisk the 80 year old white grannies at Heathrow as much as the young male muslims - seem unfair to target the muslims but wise policing etc.