To wonder if thin shaming is a thing?

[Notanotherottenotter]

I realise there are many worse issues than this, but I really wanted to see how MNetters would feel about it.
So, I lost a bit of weight three years ago, and have kept it off. Not a massive amount, about three stone. It needed to be done - I was feeling middle aged and unfit, and I feel loads better for it. Family and close mates all really supportive and pleased that I was feeling and looking better.
So why does this keep happening? Yesterday I was pushing my trolley round the supermarket and met an old playground mum from way back. Chat, chat, as you do. And then “you’re looking very thin. WAS IT INTENTIONAL?” I didn’t have the bollocks to reply “no, I’ve got a terrible wasting disease”, but wish I had.
Another one - a former work colleague told me they’d all been discussing whether or not I had cancer!!! I’ve also had “you know you’ll get oesteoporosis now, don’t you?”
It’s not keeping me awake at night, but I just find it weird that people are OK to make comments like this to my face. Supposing I had put on a stack of weight, would I get “wow, you’ve REALLY chubbed up, love”?
Or do I just know a lot of really rude people?

Agree with pp that this thread has been so helpful as I never come across anyone in the same situation as me.

My sil is very slim. I have had a few people make sly comments under the guise of concern. "Does she eat properly?" and the like. I've also had people expressing their surprise that she is such a lovely person given that she's very slim and attractive.

They get the death stare and then the cats' bum face.

I can assure you she has a healthy appetite and attitude towards life. She is naturally slim as was her mother, deal with it!

I'm overweight but that doesn't mean I feel the need to make snide comments about people who are slimmer than me either because of good genes or self control.

Thank you Wonko x

A week or so ago, someone referred to me as ‘Skinny’ and asked if I went to the gym every day. I wasn’t present at this.

FWIW I am not skinny. I am a healthy weight for my height.
I probably look thinner than I am because I am tall but I am noticing this kind of comment more.

I wonder if perceptions of what a healthy weight actually looks like are becoming a bit skewed with some folk?

I've been slim all my life. My weight hasn't varied. I'm 5 ft 4" and 51kg. I'm no bag of bones, a have boobs and a bum, but I do have a small frame. Years ago I received no comments. Now people refer to me as tiny, skinny, thin....

Perception of what is normal have shifted towards the idea that size 16 is normal, as though average and normal were the same thing.

I don't have any 'fat' friends. I've never had many women friends and those I do have are women who are considered very attractive.

I don't receive negative comments from men. I do though struggle to make friends with other women. Female bosses are the worst. I have had several occasions of being very badly treated at work and always by another woman. And always it's started with "oh you are so tiny, you look so young......." Yes, where is the sisterhood?

Sadly I only look tiny not young!

Just echoing other posters.

I'm 5ft 2 and 6 stone 5.

Im constantly told especially by Dp and MIL that;

'I need to eat'
'I could do with putting on 2 stone'
'You're so skinny'
'You're going to make yourself ill'

The best one was a friend of a friend talking about how she wanted to lose weight, she asked me how I did it and before I could even open my mouth she put her hand up to stop me and said 'never mind, I don't like being sick'

I eat 3 meals a day and snack a lot too, definitely don't starve myself. It's my natural build and I'm not on any mad diet nor do I have an eating disorder!
Yet every time I set foot into MILs house I'm fed, from the minute I'm there until the minute I leave.
It drives me absolutely insane.

Indeed Mini Where IS the sisterhood?

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3205882-To-think-that-s-it-s-cheeky-as-fuck-to-expect-other-people-to-fund-your-skin-removal-surgery

Having been both...
-Fat “shaming” is DEFINITELY the worse of the two. When fat people’s size is commented upon, it is done very much maliciously, treating the overweight person as an object of disgust.
-Skinny “shaming” is the product of envy/admiration, or if the person is very thin, concern. I know (trust me, I know) that it doesn’t feel like a compliment - but it just doesn’t compare to having nasty men compare you to large marine mammals.

Also, i don’t think clothes size is a particularly useful measure of size. There’s a lot of sneering about how size 16 is the average size now but it’s worth keeping in mind that we’re a taller generation than our grandparents, where most of the women would have been 5’1 with size 3 feet (not that there’s anything wrong with being that petite, of course). But someone who is 5’9, 5’10,5’11 plus etc wouldn’t be more than very slightly overweight - if at all - at a size 16. Most high street clothes are designed for women who are around 5’5 (if you’re over 5’8 and youve ever tried on a playsuit you’re probably familiar with this).

YY Squats im 5 foot 5 and lots of times ive gone to buy trousers the legs on them are too bloody long.

Numerous times. But I am underweight so it’s at least not ridiculous. Just insensitive.

The difference is thin shaming often barbed with jealously whereas fat shaming is not.

but it just doesn’t compare to having nasty men compare you to large marine mammals

Hmmm I have been compared to skeletor and a famine victim by “nasty men”. That wasn’t great!

Me too Highhorse not sure being called a bag of bones is any different to being compared to a large marine animal. Totally hurtful and no way a hidden compliment is it ?

Re large marine animal, I guess you're referring to shout outs / jeering from van windows.

I find that women would never do this, but they'd say stuff to your face :'oh you're a skinny bitch', whereas men never say anything to your face but might yell from a car window.

@HarshingMyMellow, with a BMI of 16.2 you are very underweight. But I guess if you've always been the same It's not a problem. I do wonder why your DP goes on about it though, he must see that you eat properly?

I was very skinny when I was late teens.

People used to say 'OMG you're soooooo thin!'. It wasn't a complement.

I have also lost 2 stone very quickly recently due to illness my body looks AMAZING, my face very MUCH less so and I get the side eye wherever I go.

It's totally a thing. I don't think anyone would say 'OMG you're soooooooo fat!'

*compliment

But someone who is 5’9, 5’10,5’11 plus etc wouldn’t be more than very slightly overweight - if at all - at a size 16. Most high street clothes are designed for women who are around 5’5 (if you’re over 5’8 and youve ever tried on a playsuit you’re probably familiar with this).

I'm 5ft 2in and just amazed that 5ft 4 is considered petite these days.

halfwit I have had men say things to my face.

Lots telling me I am too skinny (for what?!) and being told it must be like shagging an ironing board being with me....

Goodness I hate this. I'm obese so don't get the thin comments but a few family members do and it makes my blood boil. I always intervene. Always.

It's incredibly rude to make personal comments about people. I love using "did you mean to be rude?" And "gee thanks, you're looking as xxx as ever I see - do you want to discuss that?"

I have been thin all my life. Huge appetite but a small frame that seems to burn it off no matter what I do. And I've always hated the comments I get from people that assume it must be because I am starving myself perpetually. I just don't get it!

Yes there is and im sorry these shitheads have seen fit to be rude to you snd i promise thst this isnt aimed you.
However If my skinny so called friends who fat shamed me and sniggered while boYs insulted me and told me I was a fat ugly cunt are now being thin shamed I'm sorry but I've no sympathy. Being put down isn't nice is it. You never recover from it.

I always intervene. Always.

Heart in right place but I would be mortified if someone waded in. Brings attention to it and triples the embarrassment level.

Best just to change subject I find.