To wonder if thin shaming is a thing?

[Notanotherottenotter]

I realise there are many worse issues than this, but I really wanted to see how MNetters would feel about it.
So, I lost a bit of weight three years ago, and have kept it off. Not a massive amount, about three stone. It needed to be done - I was feeling middle aged and unfit, and I feel loads better for it. Family and close mates all really supportive and pleased that I was feeling and looking better.
So why does this keep happening? Yesterday I was pushing my trolley round the supermarket and met an old playground mum from way back. Chat, chat, as you do. And then “you’re looking very thin. WAS IT INTENTIONAL?” I didn’t have the bollocks to reply “no, I’ve got a terrible wasting disease”, but wish I had.
Another one - a former work colleague told me they’d all been discussing whether or not I had cancer!!! I’ve also had “you know you’ll get oesteoporosis now, don’t you?”
It’s not keeping me awake at night, but I just find it weird that people are OK to make comments like this to my face. Supposing I had put on a stack of weight, would I get “wow, you’ve REALLY chubbed up, love”?
Or do I just know a lot of really rude people?

I've only experienced this once, from my sil, who always goes on about how much she hates fat-shaming, yet thought it was ok to tell me I was too skinny and needed to eat cake

I’ve had women tell me my dh must find me a ‘disgusting bag of bones’ and that he’d rather have ‘something to hold onto’. I’ve been offered cake and biscuits relentlessly. Any refusal of food causing a huge scene. I had to have a bloody staff meeting once where I told them to all leave me alone. One woman said she was doing it because I fat shamed her. Wtf? Only if by ‘fatshame’ she means had the audacity to exist! I don’t care what weight you are - I just want to do my job and not be given a donut every 10mins.

It was a weird ingrained culture and I found it very wearing.

the thing is people being horrid - they'll use anything - fat/thin/face/clothes/colour

It makes them feel powerful I guess.

ThymeLord amazing, well done. Some really thought provoking comments here - as Okaassan says, where did the sisterhood go?

People always feeling the need to mention the incorrect fact "Did you know that Marilyn Munroe was a size 16?" As having their size associated with Marilyn means everything! Erm no she wasn't( not a UK size 16 as we know it today), she had a 24 inch waist and was slim AF, which can be verified quite easily with a quick measure of her dresses.

Unfortunately, unless you are very short, I think you have done probably the most unusual and envy provoking weight loss- 11.5 stone is only just into overweight for most people, so a lot of us say/think “it’s fine,only a few lb over,” etc, and might try and lose a bit- but you have gone down to properly slim, rather than just to a healthy bmi, which is hard (at least apparently weight loss once a healthy weight is hard!) and also very noticeable! I think if you had gone 20st to 15, or 11 to 10, you wouldn’t get as many commments. (Not that anyone should comment, yes I am jealous, well done, and how did you do it! )

Was a bit when MIL after originally telling me how much weight id put on In pregnancy told me that 'you don't want to lose anymore' when id lost it all and a bit extra

I've always been slim and had a lifetime of comments. Mostly positive ones about what a good figure I have, great legs etc but also a few nasty ones including one as a teenager saying that no-one would ever want to marry me because of me being too thin!

I have had rude comments about my weight all my life. A former boss couldn't understand how I could get pissed off with him making comments a girl who I was in school with shouted across a shop oh my god I do believe you are getting skinner - she was very overweight and I wanted to say I do believe your getting fatter ! A bloke came into the office and the first thing he said was oh what size are you a 4 or a 6 I just looked at him like . People think they can say what they like and it can be quite upsetting. Any rant over for Tuesday morning

I was bullied a lot at school for being to thin, I got called skinny, sticky bitch and a few times after I'd eaten a school lunch "are you going to go and throw that all up now?" I've never had an eating disorder.
I always wished I could be more curvy, have more of an arse etc. I was 7.5 stone at 15 years old- 5ft 4/5 I'm now 5ft 6 and I'm pushing 9.5 stone (I've had 2 kids) I do look better and I'm slightly happier but for the first time in my life I'm getting a gut and I've signed myself up to boot camp. I never exercise apart from Kundalini Yoga so bit worried about it. But I'm not arsed about losing weight, I just want to tone up.

I've seen the comments on Facebook- like no man wants a bag of bones, bigger is better etc. It is usually from my larger friends. I used to get really pissed off when I saw it, now I just see it as their own self assurance, as if they need to believe a bunch of memes to make themselves feel better.

Oh and it was that bad at school that people used to take the piss out of my legs constantly and I didn't wear a skirt between the ages of 12 and 19- not even at home.

I remember starting a new job years ago that needed a uniform which they needed to order in specially as it was a 90% male job in those days ( except for where I worked which was 50/50) so I had to give them my size prior to starting. I was a standard size 12 in those days ie 36-24-36 or thereabouts. I actually got comments when I started that people wouldn't like me because of my slimness. I've never been really slender ever. And 25 years later I'm 14 stone and unable to lose weight because I'm so crap round food. People nowadays tell me I'm not fat! I'm a current size 16-18 which is probably more like a 22 in old money!

Someone who had a yo yo unhealthy thing going on with food cane up to me at my own birthday party one year and said 'you look like a skeleton, no wonder you're single' (neither of those was true). I was left speechless at the rudeness.

It’s incredibly rude. I think because society reveres thin women and mocks fat women, people think they have carte blanche to comment whereas actually someone else’s body is never any of anyone else’s business. Body positive messages are great as long as they don’t exclude certain body types.

I agree it seems acceptable for people to comment on your weight when you are slim without causing offence. I’ve had comments at work and regularly get called ‘skinny minny’ if I so much as turn down a biscuit. I often wonder how they would react if I made a comment back about their weight and the number of biscuits they are eating. But I don’t because it’s none of my business and rude .

It also annoys me when people assume you are naturally slim. I’m not and have put on a lot of weight in the past. I have to work hard at exercise and really watch what I eat but they just assume ‘I’m lucky’

My adult dd has dealt with this for most of her life. She's thin, just shy of 7 stone (a healthy weight for her at 5ft tall!) I have seen first hand how many negative comments she receives. One time we were on a bus together, a couple were sat behind us. The woman kept saying 'would you rather fuck that bag of bones or me? I bet she would break if you did x with her' to her boyfriend and pointing at my dd. I was horrified. She kept it up for 10 minutes until I turned to her and said ''if you get off at the next stop and take the next left, you'll be at x hall. The slimming world meet is on today and you look like you could do with attending a few ' which mercifully shut her up. To his credit her boyfriend looked mortified but I had to say something. Poor dd. I hate that it's OK to say these things to or about thin people but saying a size 16 is overweight (depends on height etc) is met with cries of 'fat shaming!' and 'but Marilyn Monroe!'

Of course! I used to be called ‘skinny whippet’ when I was really young, etc. I was walking though the city once and a drunk man said to me, ‘eeeeee, you are way too skinny.’ The ‘real women have curves’ isn’t nice either, implying that women without obviously aren’t real women. My sister was similar and I had someone ask if she was ok and if maybe she should be checked for cancer.

And I met up with an old school friend who I hadn't seen in years. I was only wearing a basic skirt and plain top after work, nothing showy. And she said, 'I wouldn't want to be as thin as you. I'm a REAL woman.'
What, am I imaginary?

Yes it is. I’m not thin anymore, but I was before I had kids. A woman started in my department who was grossly overweight, her bottom was as wide as I am tall.

I had just been diagnosed with PCOS (which can cause weight gain) and was about to start fertility treatment so was being extremely careful what I ate. This woman was a feeder and came in every day with boxes of cake and bags of Haribo and pushed them on to you and organised trips to fast food restaurants every day.

She got really aggressive if you said no to food and would call me ‘stick’ or ‘gristle’ or ‘two aspirins on an ironing board’. It was really unpleasant but I just had to ride it out. Anyway, I was glad I didn’t play along with her, because by the time I got referred for IVF the rest of the team who had played along had gone up 2/3 dress sizes and if I’d done the same I would have been too overweight for IVF.

I hate the real women have curves thing. So am I not a real person? It definitely does exist, and it's horrible. Usually by people who are insecure/cruel.

Agree with Dozer that any comments about anyone’s body is rude, unless from someone who is close and genuinely concerned. TBH I’m not even a huge fan of people saying positive things about me, even though obviously I say thanks/whatever.

I always thought the word slim , was positive , thin is neutral and skinny is negative.
I find it offensive and think it’s very rude when someone calls me skinny.
I was trying on a dress in a small boutique and the owner/ assistant was helping me and as I looked in the mirror she said “ you’re so skinny!” I was feeling quite confident until she decided to say that and I just quickly got changed and left the shop. Why would someone do that if they want to make a sale? Do some people genuinely not realise it’s offensive or has it lately become a more neutral word and I’m out of touch ? ( in my forties)

Yes it's a thing. 'Having desert? well you are too skinny.' Wtf i'm a size 10 and perfectly normal bmi.
I also dislike the real women have curves thing. Who are they to say who a 'real' woman is.