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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder if thin shaming is a thing?

231 replies

Notanotherottenotter · 10/04/2018 07:19

I realise there are many worse issues than this, but I really wanted to see how MNetters would feel about it.
So, I lost a bit of weight three years ago, and have kept it off. Not a massive amount, about three stone. It needed to be done - I was feeling middle aged and unfit, and I feel loads better for it. Family and close mates all really supportive and pleased that I was feeling and looking better.
So why does this keep happening? Yesterday I was pushing my trolley round the supermarket and met an old playground mum from way back. Chat, chat, as you do. And then “you’re looking very thin. WAS IT INTENTIONAL?” I didn’t have the bollocks to reply “no, I’ve got a terrible wasting disease”, but wish I had.
Another one - a former work colleague told me they’d all been discussing whether or not I had cancer!!! I’ve also had “you know you’ll get oesteoporosis now, don’t you?”
It’s not keeping me awake at night, but I just find it weird that people are OK to make comments like this to my face. Supposing I had put on a stack of weight, would I get “wow, you’ve REALLY chubbed up, love”?
Or do I just know a lot of really rude people?

OP posts:
DariaG · 11/04/2018 12:53

I am so surprised to see some comments from women who were skinny shamed even though they are size 12! WTF? I was raised in another country and was getting some nasty comments about my extra pounds when I was size 8. Even the doctor would find a tiny piece of fat on my belly and would tell me to watch my diet and be more active. Blush
When I moved to the UK and went to register with GP my BMI was 24,9 which is the upper limit for healthy weight and definitely felt like I should loose a couple of pounds, was told my weight is absolutely healthy. Confused

SerenDippitty · 11/04/2018 12:55

When I moved to the UK and went to register with GP my BMI was 24,9 which is the upper limit for healthy weight and definitely felt like I should loose a couple of pounds, was told my weight is absolutely healthy. confused

If you are a medium/large frame your weight is perfectly healthy.

DanceDisaster · 11/04/2018 12:59

@daria

Where did you move from? Just out of nosiness!

CookPassBabtridge · 11/04/2018 13:03

Daria My frame is very slim as a size 12, think it depends on the individual.

To wonder if thin shaming is a thing?
DariaG · 11/04/2018 13:03

@CookPassBabtridge 10 was my favourite size! I felt great, but I was working out a couple of times a week (very moderately) and eating healthy. I think your diet and your activity level plays a very important role. I don't think anyone's body needs cushioning Grin

CookPassBabtridge · 11/04/2018 13:07

Daria I must admit 10 was my favourite too Grin despite the issues I had. I just loved feeling so light. Literally being able to walk along and not dragging any weight with me!

DariaG · 11/04/2018 13:14

@CookPassBabtridge sorry, didn't see your picture before I posted! I can see now why you might have felt that way at size 10, your 12 absolutely suits you and there is no cushioning I can see Grin I am shorter than you and size 10 suits me more
@DanceDisaster from Russia

donajimena · 11/04/2018 13:15

I wouldn't say shaming but I do get really pissed off with certain comments.
I told my sister I was trying to cut back on the crap I was eating to be told I could do with a few extra poundsConfused
I'm a size ten but weight gain does not add norkage or a bottom on me. Any extra weight goes on top of my hips leaving me looking like an egg on pipe cleaner legs.

HunterHearstHelmsley · 11/04/2018 13:21

Definitely a thing. I used to be skinny (just average) now. The amount of comments is ridiculous. Whenever people used to tell me to eat a doughnut, I started telling them not to. It seemed to stop it...

DanceDisaster · 11/04/2018 13:22

@daria

I nearly said “are you from Russia?”! I have some Russian friends and the doctor pinching your tummy sounds just like something they’d have described to me! I don’t know what it was about that which rang a bell.

PairOfMarigolds · 11/04/2018 13:33

Thin shaming is very much a thing. I'm quite slight of build and people think it is acceptable to say 'are you sure you're eating' I have no history of eating problems or anything, people just think they can say what they like. Cheeky shits!!

DariaG · 11/04/2018 13:38

@DanceDisaster yep, brutally honest Russian doctors Grin That particular one was around 80yo, running up and down the hospital stairs faster than 20yo (at that time) me

DanceDisaster · 11/04/2018 13:56

That particular one was around 80yo, running up and down the hospital stairs faster than 20yo (at that time) me

Obviously he knows a thing or two about fitness then!

NotUmbongoUnchained · 11/04/2018 14:07

Japanese doctors are a lot like Russian doctors too. You’re not even allowed to gain weight when pregnant.

DariaG · 11/04/2018 14:29

@NotUmbongoUnchained
You’re not even allowed to gain weight when pregnant.
Yes!!! All my Russian girlfriends are envious I am not being weighed every two weeks and not being told to follow a strict diet if I gain an extra pound

CookPassBabtridge · 11/04/2018 14:59

Why are you not allowed to gain weight? I thought some weight gain was essential and just part of pregnancy, like how your thighs get bigger to store fat for when you're breastfeeding. Do drs over there just see it as really unhealthy?

NotUmbongoUnchained · 11/04/2018 15:17

Yes basically. I think westerners are allowed to gain around 10kg?

Whereas in Japan you need to stick between 4-6kg.

MissEliza · 11/04/2018 16:25

You're not allowed to gain weight in pregnancy? I used to get told off for not gaining weight!

HelenaDove · 11/04/2018 16:31

" So 'too thin' now but I'd have been a bit chubby in the 1940s"

During rationing. i guess what people were seeing around them then became normalized too.

HelenaDove · 11/04/2018 16:33

i get that thin shaming happens. But even on this thread there are digs about overweight people

Turnocks34 · 11/04/2018 16:45

Definitely is a thing. I’m a size 6-8. Naturally slim and have never needed to do anything in particular to stay this size (I’m not actually healthy though this is pure genetics).

I regularly get comments such as ‘you’re so skinny, I can’t believe how much you eat’, ‘you could do with eating another pie/chocolate bar’

I despise those awful memes of a larger woman, with quotes such as ‘only dogs like bones, real men like something to hold on to’ or ‘real woman have curves’.

WeirdyMcBeardy · 11/04/2018 16:51

YANBU. I've had people all life commenting on me weight. It fucks me off. I've always been slim and it's natural, it's how I'm built.

One (very obese) friend was talking about how she wants to loose weight and wants to be like X in the group, who happened to wear the same other size as me but is a lot shorter, so I said "oh like me and she looked at me and sneered "oh no, you are way too thin." Would have been highly inappropriate for me to say "oh as opposed to being way too fat them but I would never have and that wouldn't have been seen as acceptable but no one batted an eyelid at what she said to me (I'm not too thin, 5'7 and was about 10 stone at the time).

WeirdyMcBeardy · 11/04/2018 16:57

I had someone I know tell me I have a beautiful figure yesterday. I honestly think it's the first time I've had a compliment like that and I was so surprised!

SerenDippitty · 11/04/2018 17:07

When I lost about 2st five years ago a very slim colleague asked why I’d wanted to lose so much weight. I’d come down from 10.5 stone to 8.5st and I’m 5ft 2in. I can only imagine I hadn’t looked all that big to begin with - I’m a big frame and hourglass shaped.

hayfevertablet · 11/04/2018 19:21

It happened to me again just today after posting on here last night! Very old friend of my mum's commenting on how skinny I was that they wondered years ago whether or not I would ever have children. I wanted to cry, she's a lovely lady in all other ways but obviously didn't even occur to her that it might be hurtful.

I look down at myself some days and think 'do I really look that dreadful' Sad