To wonder if thin shaming is a thing?

[Notanotherottenotter]

I realise there are many worse issues than this, but I really wanted to see how MNetters would feel about it.
So, I lost a bit of weight three years ago, and have kept it off. Not a massive amount, about three stone. It needed to be done - I was feeling middle aged and unfit, and I feel loads better for it. Family and close mates all really supportive and pleased that I was feeling and looking better.
So why does this keep happening? Yesterday I was pushing my trolley round the supermarket and met an old playground mum from way back. Chat, chat, as you do. And then “you’re looking very thin. WAS IT INTENTIONAL?” I didn’t have the bollocks to reply “no, I’ve got a terrible wasting disease”, but wish I had.
Another one - a former work colleague told me they’d all been discussing whether or not I had cancer!!! I’ve also had “you know you’ll get oesteoporosis now, don’t you?”
It’s not keeping me awake at night, but I just find it weird that people are OK to make comments like this to my face. Supposing I had put on a stack of weight, would I get “wow, you’ve REALLY chubbed up, love”?
Or do I just know a lot of really rude people?

[cashmerecardigans]

I mentioned I was chilly in a meeting and was told I should eat more. Imagine if someone said they were too hot and were told to eat less - it just wouldn't happen.

[SerenDippitty]

@HarshingMyMellow yes I can quite see why your DP would think you are hardly eating anything given the relative size of your portions!

[AlexD72]

When I was younger and thinner I was told I was anorexic. I was told I was bulimic. I was told I would get fat in my thirties and when I had a child. I was told to eat. I was told I looked ill. I was told this on a regular basis. I did eat and I ate a lot. I just did not put on weight. I didn't get fat in my thirties. I did however get pregnant at 36 and I loved it as I did not have the constant thin shaming comments. I was a size 6 before I became pregnant I am now a size 12. I was never happy as a size six and actually went to a GP to see if there was a medical reason I was so thin. I am happier as a size 12.

[HarshingMyMellow]

@SerenDippitty on paper I am underweight, yes. But I am very petite (small chest, waist, hips...) and it doesn't look off, iyswim.

Dp and his family are all on the bigger side so what me and him see as normal appetites/portions are totally different.

Take today for example, we had steak, chips and veg for tea. I had one steak, he had 2. I had 3 handfuls of chips, he had 5.
For pudding we both had cake and custard - I had one slice with a quarter of the fresh custard, he had 2 with the rest of it.

Now, I see what I have eaten there as normal and I'm full from it (although will snack on some crisps later with my wine) he thinks that my portion was barely enough to keep me going.
And his Dm has the same mentality.

I physically can't bring myself to gorge on his huge portions without feeling ill, and that's where the 'you need to eat!!!' mentality comes from.

[silverbirches]

I hate it. A family member is naturally very thin, in his early 50's now and has always been a narrow build, he's just made that way.

People seem to think it is perfectly ok to comment on how thin he is.

[ragmayo]

It absolutely is and it really bothers me how acceptable it is. I'm sick of the 'Only dogs like bones' memes!! When I was younger (teens and twenties) I was very underweight, and believe me, I tried but could not gain weight. I cannot tell you how many 'helpful' comments I had. "Just eat lard for breakfast " "You wanna just eat more" "You look ill" "You look like you're on drugs"
Just a few beauties there!! As a teenager and young adult with very low self esteem, every comment devastated me, and now as a size 14 still bother me.
Why the hell should anyone ever comment on another person's size? Big, small, fat, thin, muscly, who gives a toss. Just look after you, and be healthy.

[Highhorse1981]

I always intervene. Always.

Heart in right place but I would be mortified if someone waded in. Brings attention to it and triples the embarrassment level.

Best just to change subject I find.

[Awwlookatmybabyspider]

Yes there is and im sorry these shitheads have seen fit to be rude to you snd i promise thst this isnt aimed you.
However If my skinny so called friends who fat shamed me and sniggered while boYs insulted me and told me I was a fat ugly cunt are now being thin shamed I'm sorry but I've no sympathy. Being put down isn't nice is it. You never recover from it.

[Mumto2two]

I have been thin all my life. Huge appetite but a small frame that seems to burn it off no matter what I do. And I've always hated the comments I get from people that assume it must be because I am starving myself perpetually. I just don't get it!

[ThinkOfAWittyNameLater]

Goodness I hate this. I'm obese so don't get the thin comments but a few family members do and it makes my blood boil. I always intervene. Always.

It's incredibly rude to make personal comments about people. I love using "did you mean to be rude?" And "gee thanks, you're looking as xxx as ever I see - do you want to discuss that?"

[hayfevertablet]

halfwit I have had men say things to my face.

Lots telling me I am too skinny (for what?!) and being told it must be like shagging an ironing board being with me....

[SerenDippitty]

But someone who is 5’9, 5’10,5’11 plus etc wouldn’t be more than very slightly overweight - if at all - at a size 16. Most high street clothes are designed for women who are around 5’5 (if you’re over 5’8 and youve ever tried on a playsuit you’re probably familiar with this).

I'm 5ft 2in and just amazed that 5ft 4 is considered petite these days.

[Trooperslane2]

*compliment

[Trooperslane2]

I was very skinny when I was late teens.

People used to say 'OMG you're soooooo thin!'. It wasn't a complement.

I have also lost 2 stone very quickly recently due to illness my body looks AMAZING, my face very MUCH less so and I get the side eye wherever I go.

It's totally a thing. I don't think anyone would say 'OMG you're soooooooo fat!'

[SerenDippitty]

@HarshingMyMellow, with a BMI of 16.2 you are very underweight. But I guess if you've always been the same It's not a problem. I do wonder why your DP goes on about it though, he must see that you eat properly?

[halfwitpicker]

Re large marine animal, I guess you're referring to shout outs / jeering from van windows.

I find that women would never do this, but they'd say stuff to your face :'oh you're a skinny bitch', whereas men never say anything to your face but might yell from a car window.

[hayfevertablet]

Me too Highhorse not sure being called a bag of bones is any different to being compared to a large marine animal. Totally hurtful and no way a hidden compliment is it ?

[Highhorse1981]

but it just doesn’t compare to having nasty men compare you to large marine mammals

Hmmm I have been compared to skeletor and a famine victim by “nasty men”. That wasn’t great!

[Highhorse1981]

Numerous times. But I am underweight so it’s at least not ridiculous. Just insensitive.

The difference is thin shaming often barbed with jealously whereas fat shaming is not.

[HelenaDove]

YY Squats im 5 foot 5 and lots of times ive gone to buy trousers the legs on them are too bloody long.

[DoYerSquats]

Also, i don’t think clothes size is a particularly useful measure of size. There’s a lot of sneering about how size 16 is the average size now but it’s worth keeping in mind that we’re a taller generation than our grandparents, where most of the women would have been 5’1 with size 3 feet (not that there’s anything wrong with being that petite, of course). But someone who is 5’9, 5’10,5’11 plus etc wouldn’t be more than very slightly overweight - if at all - at a size 16. Most high street clothes are designed for women who are around 5’5 (if you’re over 5’8 and youve ever tried on a playsuit you’re probably familiar with this).

[DoYerSquats]

Having been both...
-Fat “shaming” is DEFINITELY the worse of the two. When fat people’s size is commented upon, it is done very much maliciously, treating the overweight person as an object of disgust.
-Skinny “shaming” is the product of envy/admiration, or if the person is very thin, concern. I know (trust me, I know) that it doesn’t feel like a compliment - but it just doesn’t compare to having nasty men compare you to large marine mammals.

[HelenaDove]

Indeed Mini Where IS the sisterhood?


www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3205882-To-think-that-s-it-s-cheeky-as-fuck-to-expect-other-people-to-fund-your-skin-removal-surgery

[HarshingMyMellow]

Just echoing other posters.

I'm 5ft 2 and 6 stone 5.

Im constantly told especially by Dp and MIL that;

'I need to eat'
'I could do with putting on 2 stone'
'You're so skinny'
'You're going to make yourself ill'

The best one was a friend of a friend talking about how she wanted to lose weight, she asked me how I did it and before I could even open my mouth she put her hand up to stop me and said 'never mind, I don't like being sick'

I eat 3 meals a day and snack a lot too, definitely don't starve myself. It's my natural build and I'm not on any mad diet nor do I have an eating disorder!
Yet every time I set foot into MILs house I'm fed, from the minute I'm there until the minute I leave.
It drives me absolutely insane.

[hayfevertablet]

Sadly I only look tiny not young!