To wonder if thin shaming is a thing?

[Notanotherottenotter]

I realise there are many worse issues than this, but I really wanted to see how MNetters would feel about it.
So, I lost a bit of weight three years ago, and have kept it off. Not a massive amount, about three stone. It needed to be done - I was feeling middle aged and unfit, and I feel loads better for it. Family and close mates all really supportive and pleased that I was feeling and looking better.
So why does this keep happening? Yesterday I was pushing my trolley round the supermarket and met an old playground mum from way back. Chat, chat, as you do. And then “you’re looking very thin. WAS IT INTENTIONAL?” I didn’t have the bollocks to reply “no, I’ve got a terrible wasting disease”, but wish I had.
Another one - a former work colleague told me they’d all been discussing whether or not I had cancer!!! I’ve also had “you know you’ll get oesteoporosis now, don’t you?”
It’s not keeping me awake at night, but I just find it weird that people are OK to make comments like this to my face. Supposing I had put on a stack of weight, would I get “wow, you’ve REALLY chubbed up, love”?
Or do I just know a lot of really rude people?

[DanceDisaster]

@twittle

Thank you, but it wasn’t actually me who that was said to.

I do have a very young baby and I do go to the gym, but being a bit podgy still, I don’t think anyone would accuse me of being gym obsessed!

It was a horrible thing to say to a mum with a baby though. People can be just horrible. Keep your nasty opinions on everyone’s weight to yourselves.

[MissEliza]

I have a longstanding group of friends who I've always felt comfortable with and who I can count on for support. In the last couple of years we've had another lady join the group. She is very overweight but very proud of the fact that she likes eating and doesn't want to deprive herself. I am much thinner than my friends. This woman always makes little passive aggressive comments about my body and weight. It's got to the point where I don't want to go out with the group when she's there. One of my friends is aware of this (she was friends with her first) and backs me up if I want to meet up without her. It's just really unfair that someone takes out their hang ups on me.

[MillieMoon94]

@twittleBee
Thank you, it was me that it was said to. Yes people can be so thoughtless, I’ve actually never set foot in a gym but if I did that would be my choice! At the end of the day I have 2 healthy happy children and that will always be my main priority.

[TwittleBee]

Ah sorry for the confusion on my part MillieMoon94 and DanceDisaster - was the shock of the comment!

[MillieMoon94]

@Twittle
Yes it was a bit 😱 I was too shocked to answer at the time 🙈

[AccidentallyRunToWindsor]

When I was thinner, it was common place for people of all sizes to comment on my appearance. I had people in cafes comment on my orders 'ah yes love, best get the large portion, you could do with fattening up' to waiting staff marvelling on 'where do I put it all' when clearing my plate. I just can't imagine what prompts people to comment on another's weight in that way? If I was overweight would the cafe owner to maybe go for the small portion as I was a fatty? Course they wouldn't.


I'm a decent 10-12 now, with a pot belly and a set of boobs and I guess I look less skinny and more slim now so the comments have stopped in the main.

[DanceDisaster]

It’s funny, I think I remember seeing an old play or something, where they commented freely on weight gain in a way that people just wouldn’t now. There’s a big stigma attached to being fat. Maybe there wasn’t before?

Mind you, there seems to be a stigma attached to being slim too based on some of these comments. You just can’t win! Especially if you’re a woman.

[Ninoo25]

OP I think the real test of whether they are jealous or having trouble adjusting to your new weight would be whether you have any comments from people that you have only known post weight loss? Fat shaming is a real thing and can actually continue once the weight has been lost as people get used to judging you on your weight and not as a person.
I imagine that ‘fat’ people haven’t said anything to you because it is normally overweight people who are targeted with comments about their weight and as a result they probably wouldn’t make any negative comments about your weight to you.
I am obese and have been fat shamed both previously at work and by family and it is awful. Pre-children I ate unhealthily little and exercised 5 days a week and was very slim, but never received negative comments, on the contrary I would only ever receive compliments. After putting on admittedly a large amount of weight it was like I became invisible to some people, and a focal point for negative comments attitudes by other people. I really don’t see why other people’s weight is so important to some people. I would NEVER consider mentioning someone else’s weight to them. Only positive comments about how fab an outfit etc looks as I think it’s quite toxic fixating on people’s weight. Btw I also tell larger friends when I think they look nice in an outfit etc. You are still the same person as before and people who don’t see that are best avoided wherever possible.

[BigBookOfNonsense]

I have a particular dislike for the phrase "real women" which is invariably used to refer to overweight women.

What does that make the rest of us who are slim - "fake women"?

[TwittleBee]

BigBookOfNonsense yeah I really struggle with that phrase too - makes me feel so inadequate as a "skinny b*tch" - why can't we all be real women? We all come in different sizes!

[Ninoo25]

I agree with TheHulksPurplePants about the tone of fat shaming as well. Definitely said from a place of disgust. Like you are somehow unworthy to breathe the same air as them because you are overweight, it’s awful.

[rightknockered]

I've always had these comments. Each time I've been pregnant, "oh you'l get fat now", etc. Even had one occasion when heavily pregnant, "so you're fat now, how does it feel ha", was 7 months pregnant. Been told I should eat double helpings of cake (I'm celiac) and ice-cream (lactose intolerant).
I tend to eat clean, and exercise, and am always told that I should put my feet up, that my lean muscled body is a turn off to men, and men prefer a bit of padding. As if I should care what some men think of my body!
Recently one school mum, that I barely know (don't even know her name) commented that men don't like skinny women, told her it was fine because my vulva was nicely padded. She gives me a wide berth now.

[QueenDaisy]

OP, well done on your weight loss & keeping it off, that can be as hard as losing the weight

[rightknockered]

I'm not even underweight. My BMI is 20, although I have low body fat due to weight training and running etc., by design, not accident. So I do look thinner that my BMI would indicate. This is just something I chose for myself, would never expect anyone else to want to be the same as me, and think women are beautiful in all shapes and sizes.
I never ever body shame anyone. Just can't understand the mentality

[AccidentallyRunToWindsor]

These are 2 gems I have seen a Facebook friend share...because no matter what our body shape is girls, it's all about men at the end of the day

[Ninoo25]

Rightknockered that’s awful, why on earth do people think it’s ok to say these things?!? As if you only look/act the way you do to be attractive to men as well? What’s wrong with some people? Why does it always have to be women who make these comments? My God the way some people talk it’s as if you are a piece of meat and not an actual person with a brain and personality and that your only purpose in lif is to look whatever their definition of attractive is 🙄

[NameChanger22]

I used to be thin. Now I'm not. I'm a size 12 to 14. I have noticed that women like me more now I'm fatter. Everyone assumed I was up myself when I was thin. I got a lot of comments about how I must love myself and that I must be arrogant. I'm the same person now as I was then, but people like me more now. I've never been arrogant, quite the opposite.

[WickedLazy]

I haven't rtft yet, my first thoughts are the people making these comments sound really jealous.

[Youcanttasteracism]

When I was a teenager I lost weight to fit in my prom dress and my sister started calling me anorexic and my dad used to comment on my weight and say "you've not been sticking your fingers down your throat have you". Literally wasn't even skinny, went down to a 12-14! I maintain those comments had an effect on me as I'm now overweight and have struggled with losing weight for many years because I expect negative comments. I didn't like how they made me feel, almost as if I was doing something bad by losing weight.

[halfwitpicker]

Some of these are terrible.

It just seems like people want to control and have an opinion on you : it's the same with drinking, if you don't drink people just randomly comment 'oh, lighten up, have a drink' 'what's wrong with you' etc ad nauseum.

[DanceDisaster]

It just seems like people want to control and have an opinion on you

Yes! And other people’s (women’s) weight seems to be the issue people think they have the right to have an opinion on.

[noseypud]

I have lost a lot of weight after having my ds and breast feeding. I am thinner than I was before having him and thats all everyone says to me! "Are you eating" "you shouldnt loose any more weight"! I didn't intentionally lose weight it just happened I eat a lot and cant seem to put any weight on. If it was the other way around and I had put a lot of weight on after having my ds I dont think people would comment.

[Jozxyqk]

Several years ago, before I had DD, I lost quite a lot of weight due to being in pain & on medication that had a side effect of suppressing the appetite. Several people commented that I looked good (initially) & then as I continued to lose weight that I should "stop now", "why are you still on a diet", & "are you anorexic?" I'd told most of them I was struggling to eat, in pain, they'd seen me trying to eat chocolate hobnobs & adding cream & cheese to my tiny portions which I couldn't finish, etc. And they still commented. I wore full makeup every day for the first time in my life because I looked utterly dreadful without it - proper hollow eyes, sunken cheeks, pale. There's a photo of me from then, without makeup, I looked so ill but medically I was fine.

I think people just like to have an opinion. It doesn't matter what the facts are as long as they get to voice their opinion. I don't like to eat in front of people; never did, but it's much worse now.

[Juiceylucy09]

Thin shaming is a thing, but in my case it is usually brushed off and let go as I would not retaliate and hurt a heavy person,
As I don't really have body issues and suspect the shamer has.

I'm petite too, 5ft4in so in proprotion bmi 22.5.

What does piss me off is people commenting on my meal size, or saying go on you could finish that if I leave some, Or did you finish your meal you'll be full gorgeous baby week. Stop commenting on my plate.

My appetite fits my size. I prefer healthy foods but It does not bother me if others don't. Horses for courses.

[sadcaptains]

It's definitely true that people want to have an opinion on you. When I tell people I go to body pump class it's quite common for someone to say "but won't you look like a man?" Bloody hell, one minute I'm too thin the next I'm going to become a bloke!!