To wonder if thin shaming is a thing?

[Notanotherottenotter]

I realise there are many worse issues than this, but I really wanted to see how MNetters would feel about it.
So, I lost a bit of weight three years ago, and have kept it off. Not a massive amount, about three stone. It needed to be done - I was feeling middle aged and unfit, and I feel loads better for it. Family and close mates all really supportive and pleased that I was feeling and looking better.
So why does this keep happening? Yesterday I was pushing my trolley round the supermarket and met an old playground mum from way back. Chat, chat, as you do. And then “you’re looking very thin. WAS IT INTENTIONAL?” I didn’t have the bollocks to reply “no, I’ve got a terrible wasting disease”, but wish I had.
Another one - a former work colleague told me they’d all been discussing whether or not I had cancer!!! I’ve also had “you know you’ll get oesteoporosis now, don’t you?”
It’s not keeping me awake at night, but I just find it weird that people are OK to make comments like this to my face. Supposing I had put on a stack of weight, would I get “wow, you’ve REALLY chubbed up, love”?
Or do I just know a lot of really rude people?

Crikey, so many comments on this, and so many of them really shocking. I have a 20something DD and I hope her generation will be the one that makes the leap to celebrating women for who we are, not what our bodies look like. I lost weight so I could walk up mountains without getting breathless, and because I have a family history of heart disease. I feel loads better. My closest friend has been super supportive, as well as being the most ridiculously stylish and gorgeous person I know. She’s a size 18, and wears it so well. Bien dans sa peau, the French say, and they are spot on. Comfortable in your skin.

Been thin all my life, comments like stick insect, twiggy, skinny minny have been round all my life but it never bothered me. Even when pregnant with twins my highest weight was 10 stone.
Then the menopause came and my weight crept up. Decided to take myself in hand and lost a stone over a year or so, and 2 years later I'm still about the same weight, roughly 9 stones ish and 5 foot 6/7 ish? I'm still thin, no boobs as such (never have had!) Low BMI, eat very well, zippidy do.
However a girl at work told me I was too thin, was looking gaunt, was I ok etc? The fact that she was going to slimming club to lose weight (wasn't working) and that she was a prize bitch wasn't lost on me.

I used to work with some very fat people who were always on some diet or another and they would have no issue commenting on me being thin and constantly eating. No way would anyone comment on their size, it's just not done. Double standards, methinks.

@Juiceylucy09 I despise people commenting on things being left on my plate! Especially in front of everyone else at the table. I've had the "no wonder you're the size you are", even though I'm actually saving myself for the chocolatey dessert afterwards

The thing is that I can actually imagine someone saying 'you look disgustingly thin' and meaning as a compliment. Doesn't mean it isn't still shaming and incredibly rude though!

The main issue here is that anyone still thinks commenting on women's bodies is a) something they are entitled to do b) something that can be complimentary c) something we should feel pitifully grateful to receive..

If only women had some additional value outside their appearance that people might comment on instead

I think it is a thing, and the intentions of the people doing it aren't always good. But if I'm honest, I was always pleased when I got comments like that. I was just so happy to be thin! Whereas I would hate to get fat comments.
So I think it is a thing, but (to me anyway) isn't bad because thin is something to aspire to and is a positive thing in our society.

Morphene spot on!

Had this all my life along with a feeling of not being able to object as it was supposedly desirable. Been called anorexic/bulimic when younger, had all the passive aggressive comments and the barely concealed envy of co-workers on diets, one of whom regularly called me a "skinny bitch".

For some reason I get things said about my weight all the time and I’m not overly thin at all !
My bmi is perfect, in 5ft 8 10 stone and a size 12 with boobs and hips.

I think people’s perception on weight is all a bit out of sync

I have lost weight recently mainly due to a horrible family history of heart disease, started running and going to the gym.
BMI is 23 so not mega skinny or anything
I have been at some of the comments
Someone wrote on my Facebook that I was “wasting away”
Why do people do it? I wouldn’t comment either way but some people think it’s fine

I actually remember after I'd lost a significant amount of weight, FIL telling me I should 'stop now'. He's never shown concern for my welfare before or since. I think it is a control thing. This is the same dick who recently pointed to a picture of me three months after having had ds2 and said 'look how fat you were' .

I have been very, very thin in my life (anorexic) and I've also been overweight (physical illness).

There are people, unfortunately especially women, who will be rude to those at either end of the spectrum. There are people who will say nasty things about thin women. And there are people who say awful things to larger women.

However, the two are structurally different because "thin" is generally seen as a positive in our culture, and "fat" is not. Thinness has a kind of status attached to it that weight does not have - even if the person actually looks quite ill, it comes with associations of importance, wealth, and positive attention. Most of the anti-thin comments I've had myself, or have heard said of others, have been fairly clearly motivated by envy and the person's insecurity; those who cared about me when I was not eating would never comment on my appearance, but would ask me if I was actually OK. Some of the anti-fat comments, however, have been expressions of a kind of dislike and revulsion of weight that is very different in feel. I have a friend who is very, very overweight as a result of a serious medical issue, and the comments and aggression that she gets from strangers are heartbreaking and can in no way be compared to the snidy, envious attacks against thinness.

I think any woman who comments on another woman's weight in a negative way - large or small - needs to take a step back and a long hard look at herself. This kind of bitchiness is not OK.

When I slimmed down to a size six/eight from a ten/twelve my friends and family all felt the need to comment negatively on it. A lot of people liked to poke my hip bones and my collar bone and tut which I found very rude, and it bloody hurt! Not a problem anymore.

My DD is very slim. She has fine bones and a narrow frame and she is very active and therefore slim. She has been tiny since she was a baby and although reasonably tall now at 16, she is still very slim.

She is 'thin shamed' quite a lot. I'm astonished at the shit slung at her by other girls at school, who ask her if she is anorexic (as she tucks into crisps) or has tapeworms, or is taking fat blasters etc. She has also had very unpleasant comments from the nurses who come to the school to give immunisations, suggesting that she stop starving herself and fatten up and telling her that the injections will hurt because she is "so thin". I made an official complaint but I never heard back!!!!!

I think any woman who comments on another woman's weight in a negative way - large or small - needs to take a step back and a long hard look at herself. This kind of bitchiness is not OK

I totally agree.

MargoLovebutter so sorry your DD is going through that, same shit I had when I was her age. Instead of awareness campaigns about how being "too thin" is an issue they need campaigns to show that every shape is normal.

I always get confused by how annoyed people get at clothing ranges suiting slimmer people yet there are clothing ranges out there that aim towards plus sizes too?

Twittle, I'm distinctly average sized and have been all my life, so never thought this was an actual thing. I have been brought up to believe that the only personal comment you make about someone should be a compliment, or you say nothing at all - so I know I've never weight shamed anyone. I loathe rudeness in whatever form it comes in & I think that commenting on someone's weight negatively is sooooooooooooooooooo rude.

I know teenage girls are not noted for their kindness, but healthcare professionals should know better. As I have pointed out many times, someone has to be at the bottom of the percentiles - otherwise they wouldn't be percentiles!!!!!!

It's definitely a very common thing for girls who are naturally skinny to be thin shamed at school eg being called anorexic.

MargoLovebutter yeah health care professionals should be more aware! I had comments from my childhood GP asking if I was intentionally starving myself and she made me stand on scales every time I saw her (my BMI has never been under!)

MissEliza and that highlights an even bigger issue too doesn't it - why is being anorexic something to shame someone for? It is a very difficult condition to live with and requires support not nasty comments

MissEliza one of the girls told DD that all her fat was inside her body coating her organs (I presume meaning visceral fat) and that this meant she would die younger than people with fat on the outside!!!!!!

Obviously, I put right such utter nonsense but what an awful thing to say.

The worst thing I’ve experienced was someone calling my husband “essentially a pedo” because of my size. He was devastated.

NotUmbongoUnchained

Yes it is!

I could have written your post op! I've lost 4st and kept it off for 4 months but the comments keep coming. "You're looking VERY thin" "was it intentional? Was worried you were poorly?" "you're not going to lose any more are you?" My kids say I'm not cuddly anymore! Ouch! I felt great until the last few weeks. BMI is 22, blood pressure now normal, cholesterol now low and resting heart rate really good. All my aches and pains have gone and I'm positively fit and healthy! Now I'm questioning my new low weight. Do I look awful?!

I know the answer really. I think it's sour grapes!

Well done on your loss OP!!!