To wonder if thin shaming is a thing?

[Notanotherottenotter]

I realise there are many worse issues than this, but I really wanted to see how MNetters would feel about it.
So, I lost a bit of weight three years ago, and have kept it off. Not a massive amount, about three stone. It needed to be done - I was feeling middle aged and unfit, and I feel loads better for it. Family and close mates all really supportive and pleased that I was feeling and looking better.
So why does this keep happening? Yesterday I was pushing my trolley round the supermarket and met an old playground mum from way back. Chat, chat, as you do. And then “you’re looking very thin. WAS IT INTENTIONAL?” I didn’t have the bollocks to reply “no, I’ve got a terrible wasting disease”, but wish I had.
Another one - a former work colleague told me they’d all been discussing whether or not I had cancer!!! I’ve also had “you know you’ll get oesteoporosis now, don’t you?”
It’s not keeping me awake at night, but I just find it weird that people are OK to make comments like this to my face. Supposing I had put on a stack of weight, would I get “wow, you’ve REALLY chubbed up, love”?
Or do I just know a lot of really rude people?

[ragmayo]

It absolutely is and it really bothers me how acceptable it is. I'm sick of the 'Only dogs like bones' memes!! When I was younger (teens and twenties) I was very underweight, and believe me, I tried but could not gain weight. I cannot tell you how many 'helpful' comments I had. "Just eat lard for breakfast " "You wanna just eat more" "You look ill" "You look like you're on drugs"
Just a few beauties there!! As a teenager and young adult with very low self esteem, every comment devastated me, and now as a size 14 still bother me.
Why the hell should anyone ever comment on another person's size? Big, small, fat, thin, muscly, who gives a toss. Just look after you, and be healthy.

[silverbirches]

I hate it. A family member is naturally very thin, in his early 50's now and has always been a narrow build, he's just made that way.

People seem to think it is perfectly ok to comment on how thin he is.

[HarshingMyMellow]

@SerenDippitty on paper I am underweight, yes. But I am very petite (small chest, waist, hips...) and it doesn't look off, iyswim.

Dp and his family are all on the bigger side so what me and him see as normal appetites/portions are totally different.

Take today for example, we had steak, chips and veg for tea. I had one steak, he had 2. I had 3 handfuls of chips, he had 5.
For pudding we both had cake and custard - I had one slice with a quarter of the fresh custard, he had 2 with the rest of it.

Now, I see what I have eaten there as normal and I'm full from it (although will snack on some crisps later with my wine) he thinks that my portion was barely enough to keep me going.
And his Dm has the same mentality.

I physically can't bring myself to gorge on his huge portions without feeling ill, and that's where the 'you need to eat!!!' mentality comes from.

[AlexD72]

When I was younger and thinner I was told I was anorexic. I was told I was bulimic. I was told I would get fat in my thirties and when I had a child. I was told to eat. I was told I looked ill. I was told this on a regular basis. I did eat and I ate a lot. I just did not put on weight. I didn't get fat in my thirties. I did however get pregnant at 36 and I loved it as I did not have the constant thin shaming comments. I was a size 6 before I became pregnant I am now a size 12. I was never happy as a size six and actually went to a GP to see if there was a medical reason I was so thin. I am happier as a size 12.

[SerenDippitty]

@HarshingMyMellow yes I can quite see why your DP would think you are hardly eating anything given the relative size of your portions!

[cashmerecardigans]

I mentioned I was chilly in a meeting and was told I should eat more. Imagine if someone said they were too hot and were told to eat less - it just wouldn't happen.