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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Going to a wedding whilst off sick with morning sickness...

224 replies

Roquella · 04/04/2018 12:41

Originally posted on the pregnancy board but know that AIBU tends to get some pretty honest answers so posting here also.

Due to go to a very close friend's wedding tomorrow. I'm currently off work with sickness and nausea. The sickness is a lot better since I was put on medication a few days ago however the nausea is still quite awful.

I know I'll have to sit out the ceremony if I wake up and am having a bad day, which is fine. I also know that at the reception if I have to run off and be sick I can do.

My issue is, I'm off work currently until at least the end of this week. Is it acceptable for me to attend a wedding reception and not be at work? I have two nights booked in a hotel which I cannot refund, have bought my dress and shoes, and feel like 3 hours at a wedding reception to show my face is a lot easier than an 8 hour day at work with a 3 hour round commute. My hotel room will be upstairs and I can nip up to sleep whenever I fancy.

Thoughts? Last thing I want is to be in trouble with the boss and am genuinely considering pulling out, however would much rather see my friend get married of course.

Honest opinions please Smile

OP posts:
Brokenbiscuit · 04/04/2018 12:46

Well, if you want honest opinions, I'd think you were taking the piss a bit tbh. If you're not well enough to go to work, I'm not really sure how you'd be well enough to cope with a big social occasion like a wedding. However, you're the best judge of how you feel, so I guess it's up to you.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 04/04/2018 12:47

Yes it's acceptable. At a wedding if ypy hsve to you can go outside for fresh air. You cant do that if youre at work looking after a client. Also they can't sack you for anything pregnancy related so please do not worry about that.
Congratulations btw.
You have my uppermost sympathy about so called "morning" sickness. It should be called all bloody day sickness. Take it easy

Nicknacky · 04/04/2018 12:48

Tricky but I wouldn’t go.

I think if you are off with depression, stress etc it’s perfectly reasonable to still attend events, but for a short term illness that’s impacting your ability to go to work I think it would raise eyebrows.

ShutUpBaz · 04/04/2018 12:48

As long as you aren't splashing it all over social media visible to your employer I can't see the problem. If I were your boss or colleagues I would be miffed if you chose to broadcast going on a jolly while signed off, but if you don't make a big deal of it they will be none the wiser.

You are signed off by a doctor for good reason. Hope you feel better soon!

Wishfulmakeupping · 04/04/2018 12:49

I think that’s fine tbh completely different being able to manage a short period of time and being able to nip off for air when you need to vs a 8 hour day of work

liquidrevolution · 04/04/2018 12:49

I went on holiday while signed off with hg and spd.

It was only 4 days in Kent and I was still vomiting, on crutches and unable to do my job.

I would go.

Babyplaymat · 04/04/2018 12:49

I wouldn't. A physical illness that prevents you from working prevents you from going out to fun stuff. Of course, will they know?

Original poster
Roquella · 04/04/2018 12:50

Thanks for your responses so far. I'm concerned that I could be faced with disciplinary action and that this could go down badly. My manager knew I had a wedding to go to tomorrow so she may well ask about it...

Would it be extremely unwise of me to just call her and ask her advice?

OP posts:
StealthNinjaMum · 04/04/2018 12:50

I think it largely depends on your job but to be honest I would agree it's taking the piss to be going to a wedding while you're off work sick.

FiveNightsAtMummys · 04/04/2018 12:51

I think it's fine to go. It's totally different to working imo.

Babymamamama · 04/04/2018 12:54

I would return to work for at least a day or two before the wedding. I couldn't in good conscience go off to a wedding knowing I was off sick from work. Sorry that probably isn't the answer you wanted but if you're well enough to sit through a wedding you're well enough to work. One or the other.

SerenDippitty · 04/04/2018 12:54

Hadn't you booked time off to go to the wedding anyway?

Enidblyton1 · 04/04/2018 12:54

Tricky. I think it slightly depends on what kind of job you have. Could you manage any aspect of your job tomorrow? I think it's fine to go to the wedding as long as you make sure you do some work for the rest of the week. Is it possible for you to do some work from home? Or, could you make an attempt to go into work the day after the wedding?

I think to go to the wedding and then not make any attempt to do any work for the rest of the week would be disingenuous. If you are physically ok enough to attempt a wedding, you are physically ok enough to talk to your boss and see what lower level work you could do until you return properly to work next week.

DeltaG · 04/04/2018 12:55

No. You won't enjoy yourself anyway. I had HG with both pregnancies (DS1 is 2 & DS2 is 11 weeks). Was signed off work and only left house to go to the hospital in months. I missed 3 weddings which I was very sad about but there was no way in hell I'd have managed them.

If you're too sick to work then you're too sick to socialise. I certainly was.

McButtonwillow · 04/04/2018 12:55

Why are you worried about disciplinary action, is there something else going on at work? As a pp mentioned your employer can’t use pregnancy related illnesses against you.

I wouldn’t call your boss to ask her advice, she’s unlikely to say yes it’s fine to go.

3boys3dogshelp · 04/04/2018 12:55

I wouldn’t be at all impressed if I was your boss sorry. Weddings are generally all day and late into the evening so at least as long as a day at work.
I doubt they can do much legally, but if you go and they find out about it, you are likely to lose some goodwill which you are going to need when you get back to work.

dejectedharry · 04/04/2018 12:57

Did you have the time booked off for the wedding anyway? Can't you just ask them to honour your leave and go back to work next week on Monday if that's the plan?

Original poster
Roquella · 04/04/2018 12:57

@McButtonwillow nope, nothing else going on at work. I know they can't use my pregnancy against me but they wouldn't technically be annoyed at me taking time off for my sickness, it's more that I attended an event when I didn't attend work.

I do think working an 8 hour day (11 hours with travel) is different to attending a wedding reception for 3 hours however seem to have divided opinions here!

Thanks for all of your answers.

OP posts:
lalaloopyhead · 04/04/2018 12:58

Have you already booked holiday to cover the wedding? If so that is fine. If you should ordinarily be at work, I think this could be seen as throwing a sickie to go.

Original poster
Roquella · 04/04/2018 12:59

@lalaloopyhead I had two days booked off. Maybe I should contact my work and see if they will honour my leave and if I'm too sick, I won't go and will use sick leave instead...

OP posts:
Pengggwn · 04/04/2018 13:00

I think it's taking the piss. If you're well enough to attend a wedding, in general, you're well enough to work. Sorry!

Bluelady · 04/04/2018 13:00

Don't tell anyone and go. A day at a wedding where you can go and rest if you feel ill is an entirely different deal to a day at work with a three hour commute.

bertielab · 04/04/2018 13:04

I wouldn't. Ask the hotel if they will refund you -explain the situation -or change the dates for when you feel better. Say you can forward the sick note -they might be really nice and refund or move it!

frasier · 04/04/2018 13:05

Go but take it as holiday.

frasier · 04/04/2018 13:06

Whoops, posted too soon... as you would have had to do if you hadn't been sick.

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