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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Going to a wedding whilst off sick with morning sickness...

224 replies

Roquella · 04/04/2018 12:41

Originally posted on the pregnancy board but know that AIBU tends to get some pretty honest answers so posting here also.

Due to go to a very close friend's wedding tomorrow. I'm currently off work with sickness and nausea. The sickness is a lot better since I was put on medication a few days ago however the nausea is still quite awful.

I know I'll have to sit out the ceremony if I wake up and am having a bad day, which is fine. I also know that at the reception if I have to run off and be sick I can do.

My issue is, I'm off work currently until at least the end of this week. Is it acceptable for me to attend a wedding reception and not be at work? I have two nights booked in a hotel which I cannot refund, have bought my dress and shoes, and feel like 3 hours at a wedding reception to show my face is a lot easier than an 8 hour day at work with a 3 hour round commute. My hotel room will be upstairs and I can nip up to sleep whenever I fancy.

Thoughts? Last thing I want is to be in trouble with the boss and am genuinely considering pulling out, however would much rather see my friend get married of course.

Honest opinions please Smile

OP posts:
FellOutOfBed2wice · 04/04/2018 13:06

Go! Don’t be ridiculous! Just don’t splash it all over social media. I had HG in both pregnancies and was off work for months. I still went to my SILs wedding and a couple of engagement and anniversary dos. Had a fucking dreadful time and spent most of them puking into a bag for life. You won’t have fun but you’ve still got to accept that life goes on and some things are unavoidable.

Queenio24 · 04/04/2018 13:07

Do not call your boss to ask for their advice! I would take an extremely dim view of being asked this!
I think, if you are too ill for work with morning sickness you are too ill to manage a prolonged social occasion too.

FrancisUnderwood · 04/04/2018 13:07

If there was a thread on here by your departmental manager saying one of her staff was off with sick but had been seen living it up at a wedding reception (because that's how a colleague would see it), there'd be cries of 'piss taker' and 'cheeky fucker'.

People are very ungenerous when it comes to people being ill.

Viviennemary · 04/04/2018 13:08

If you want an honest opinion then I think you would be really cheeky to go to the wedding when signed off sick. And if I was your colleague I'd have a really bad opinion of you. It's downright skiving.

TomRavenscroft · 04/04/2018 13:08

I'd go. It is not at all the same as commuting to and from work and being present, focused and professional all day. At the wedding you could go and just circle the room once, say congrats to the bride and groom if that's all you can face, then go back to your room and rest/throw up as needed.

TheJoyOfSox · 04/04/2018 13:09

I’d be pissed of if I was working my arse off to cover somebody off sick and I found out she was so sick that she attended a wedding.

If you’re well enough to attend a wedding, you’re well enough to come to work.

usercantsleep · 04/04/2018 13:11

I'm confused..
Did you say that you're considering phoning your work to ask their opinion on how they'd feel if you attended the wedding? !

53rdWay · 04/04/2018 13:12

I have been to a wedding with HG (albeit spent about 75% of the day in hotel room lying down/throwing up), so agree that it’s more doable than work. But as you can see from responses here, plenty of people wouldn’t see that. If you’re worried your boss will react the same way then I wouldn’t risk it.

NotTheFordType · 04/04/2018 13:12

If you had time booked off you won't be claiming sick pay for those days, so there is nothing they could charge you with.

The only way they could is if you have already said to them "please cancel these two days of annual leave and add them back to my allowance, and put me down as sick instead."

MorningsEleven · 04/04/2018 13:12

When I had hyperemisis with DC1 I couldn't have made it to the end of the street without bafring, let alone go to a wedding. I think you're taking the piss.

CottonSock · 04/04/2018 13:12

I think you should tell work and book as leave if you want to go

TomRavenscroft · 04/04/2018 13:13

If you’re well enough to attend a wedding, you’re well enough to come to work.

Can you expand on that? Perhaps with reference to the comments pps have made about how the OP at the wedding can attend for a short time/go outside for fresh air/run to the loo whenever she needs without abandoning clients and colleagues and looking unprofessional, etc?

Clandestino · 04/04/2018 13:14

I wouldn't. You're off on a sick leave because of a bad morning sickness. It would be unethical and unprofessional.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 04/04/2018 13:14

As Tom, said. You could tell your manager about it if you want, sort it out as holiday not sickness if they insist, but I don't think you'd being too cheeky to go. Its not like you really will be living it up, getting pissed, dancing all night etc.

I would always suspect anyone who would begrudge you that of being a jealous killjoy, so their opinions don't really matter - including Vivienne who thinks you would be skiving!

Have as good a time as you can, discuss the nuts and bolts of it on Monday, when you go back into work!

blueskyinmarch · 04/04/2018 13:14

You had the days booked off anyway so even if you weren't off sick someone would have been covering for you. I would go.

margaritasbythesea · 04/04/2018 13:15

I have been in the same position with HG and I didn´t go. It was my best friend´s wedding and I am still sad that I missed it, but I was ill and I think my line manager would have been justfiably angry if I had gone. I would also have been mortified to be paid sick pay and then go out to a wedding.

I am not sure the holdiday thing makes much difference.

InternetSchminternet · 04/04/2018 13:15

I would probably go, but I can see why you'd worry. I think not being about to commute and sit at your desk, smelling other people's lunches, in meetings, etc. is very different to being so ill you can't attend a once in a lifetime even that you can duck out of if you're feeling too unwell. If your boss asks about the wedding can you not say you went along to show your face but felt crap, skipped the ceremony and had to duck out of a few times for air

roses2 · 04/04/2018 13:16

Were you originally planning on taking the day as annual leave? If yes I would be honest with your boss, take the day as annual leave rather than sick leave and go.

It will be worse if they find out you went whilst signed off sick.

If you're well enough to go to a wedding then you're well enough to work.

FrancisUnderwood · 04/04/2018 13:17

I'd have thought if you were too sick to go to work you'd be too sick to start even thinking about getting all dolled up for a wedding tbh...

MiniAlphaBravo · 04/04/2018 13:17

I think it’s ok to go as you have booked annual leave anyway. And if you’re feeling much better perhaps you can try to go back to work on Monday?

KalaLaka · 04/04/2018 13:18

How many weeks are you? If you aren't close to the end of first trimester and may need further time off, i wouldn't go.

If you do decide to, you'll end up on someone's fb photos so be careful with your settings.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 04/04/2018 13:18

It would be unethical and unprofessional. No, it really wouldn't! You need to read what OP said, not decide she is cheating the system based on some 'what if...' scenario that has bugger all to do with what she is actually going to do.

  1. She has nausea and sickness and a sick note
  2. She booked 2 days off, was never expected to be in work even before getting signed off
  3. She can sort it out on Monday. Her employer has options, as does OP!

It really doesn't have to be any more complicated than that!

Viviennemary · 04/04/2018 13:18

Don't phone your boss and ask for their opinion. You yourself obviously think you are on dodgy ground or else you wouldn't be asking her and wouldn't be asking for opinions on MN. Id be furious if I had to do extra at work covering for somebody taking the absolute piss. I'd think what a chancer.

SnowiestMountain · 04/04/2018 13:18

Hmm, I'd go but would take it as holiday as originally planned. I'm sometimes a bit too honest with my work though so I'd perhaps call my Manager and say I was still feeling rough but wanted to try to make the wedding. So you were planning to go and would happily use holiday rather than going to a wedding on sick leave.

Are you signed off until the end of this week? So until the end of the wedding holiday? If you are and are planning to go back on Monday then you could finish your sick leave today, holiday Thursday & Friday and then back to work on Monday?

wizardswife79 · 04/04/2018 13:18

I think YABU to go to the wedding, especially if your job is office based.

Obviously if your job is something very physical like training racehorses then it’s reasonable that you could go to a wedding but not work.

Also how far away is the wedding? You mention 3 hour commute to work - is the wedding much closer?

I would take a very dim view of an employee / colleague signed off sick who went to a wedding.

And I speak as someone who had to work from home / be off sick for 7 weeks of first trimester, so am not unsympathetic to those who suffer in pregnancy.

If you do go, for goodness sake make sure there is no reference to the wedding on your social media.

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