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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Going to a wedding whilst off sick with morning sickness...

224 replies

Roquella · 04/04/2018 12:41

Originally posted on the pregnancy board but know that AIBU tends to get some pretty honest answers so posting here also.

Due to go to a very close friend's wedding tomorrow. I'm currently off work with sickness and nausea. The sickness is a lot better since I was put on medication a few days ago however the nausea is still quite awful.

I know I'll have to sit out the ceremony if I wake up and am having a bad day, which is fine. I also know that at the reception if I have to run off and be sick I can do.

My issue is, I'm off work currently until at least the end of this week. Is it acceptable for me to attend a wedding reception and not be at work? I have two nights booked in a hotel which I cannot refund, have bought my dress and shoes, and feel like 3 hours at a wedding reception to show my face is a lot easier than an 8 hour day at work with a 3 hour round commute. My hotel room will be upstairs and I can nip up to sleep whenever I fancy.

Thoughts? Last thing I want is to be in trouble with the boss and am genuinely considering pulling out, however would much rather see my friend get married of course.

Honest opinions please Smile

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 04/04/2018 13:58

If HR have agreed it I doubt the OP has anything to worry about.

I don't know what my employer would do but they would always appreciate honesty.

Original poster
Roquella · 04/04/2018 13:58

@Viviennemary it's been cleared by my manager who is a director and HR (HR govern pretty much everything?). You think I still shouldn't go even though I have support? I think claiming I am committing fraud is a little extreme.

OP posts:
Fflursan · 04/04/2018 14:00

Sounds like a very understanding boss! Enjoy the wedding!

Original poster
Roquella · 04/04/2018 14:02

Thanks @Fflursan Smile

OP posts:
Viviennemary · 04/04/2018 14:03

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

TheJoyOfSox · 04/04/2018 14:05

Can you expand on that?

If op feels sucks at the wedding, that’s no different to feeling sick at work, if op can travel to a wedding, she can travel to work. She is either A. Very ill, too Ill to work or travel to work,
B. A bit poorly, feels sick, but well enough to go to a wedding!

She can not be too ill for work, but ok to attend a wedding. If going outside is enough to get her over her symptoms at a wedding, then she can go to work and go outside if she feels sick.

Op asked for my opinion, I gave it. @TomRavenscroft. I’d rather have a colleague at work having to pop outside from time to time than a cf who is too ill to work but well enough to travel and party at a wedding.

53rdWay · 04/04/2018 14:05

Vivienne, why are you being so pointlessly mean? Maybe you’d have made a different call if you were her boss but there’s no need to accuse her of fraud.

user1471459936 · 04/04/2018 14:06

Haha! Vivienne sounds delightful. Thank fuck you don't work with her.

53rdWay · 04/04/2018 14:06

If op feels sucks at the wedding, that’s no different to feeling sick at work

Yes it is, if she’s in the kind of job where she can’t take a 2-hour puking break and then lie down for the afternoon!

Nicknacky · 04/04/2018 14:06

vivienne Thankfullt she doesn’t have to convince you, does she?

Every time I see your name on a post I know you are going to say something daft.

user1471459936 · 04/04/2018 14:08

I'm pretty sure the OP said that her boss only wanted her at work fully alert (or words to that affect), so being a bit poorly at work wouldn't really be wise. At a wedding, thankfully, it is ok to be a bit unwell.

Bluelady · 04/04/2018 14:11

Great outcome, OP, nice to hear there are sensible managers around.

inthegarage · 04/04/2018 14:12

If you were my colleague I'd definitely be raising an eyebrow.

LightTripper · 04/04/2018 14:13

Sounds like your manager is super-sensible - so glad they were reasonable! I had pregnancy sickness too and was only able to work by dropping down to short days so I could commute outside rush hour (and I have a short commute). I would also have been able to go to a wedding where I could go and lie down at any point if I needed to (though I might have ended up spending a lot of time in the hotel room rather than at the wedding). I did in fact quite often end up lying under my desk for half an hour to get myself back together, even concentrating my working days into the bit of the day when I felt relatively less shit ... but in another job where I couldn't do that or had a longer commute I wouldn't have been able to turn up at all!

Original poster
Roquella · 04/04/2018 14:14

@Viviennemary I spend a lot of my day working on fraud cases. Fraud requires deceit and intent. This is not fraud. I suggest you read up on that one.

I have been open and honest with my workplace. I explained myself politely and asked for their opinion, which they gave in a supportive manner. If this to you is me being a 'chancer' then I hope no poor sod ever has you as their line manager.

Other posters are right however, I do not need to convince you. You appear to be quite the bellend anyway so I shall end our conversation here!

Apologies all pps if this appears rude however some posts on here get under your skin.

Thanks all for your honest opinions, regardless of which way you were swaying!

OP posts:
TempusEejit · 04/04/2018 14:14

Sounds like the boss gets it because of her own personal experience, and the fact that OP hasn't previously been off sick in 4 years.

Well done OP, hope you feel well enough to go.

Graphista · 04/04/2018 14:16

Some posters always post harshly.

Op glad you've supportive enployers and hope you're feeling better soon.

ThePencil · 04/04/2018 14:18

Honestly, I'd go, and if you're questioned by work just say that it was a short wedding and you spent most of it in the toilets/outside throwing up, but it was your best friend so you really wanted to be there.

I guess it depends on what your work is... presumably it's not something where you can just keep nipping out to the loo all day?

TomRavenscroft · 04/04/2018 14:19

TheJoy, feeling sick at a wedding IS different to feeling sick at work because, even if she feels very ill, she can probably show her face for half an hour before spending the rest of the time in her room. At work turning up but only working for half an hour would be frowned on.

She's highly unlikely to 'party' in any meaningful sense at the wedding.

Anyway, it seems her boss and HR are rather more moderate and sensible, so that's all worked out fine.

myrtleWilson · 04/04/2018 14:19

How can she be a chancer Vivienne when she's on medication for her sickness and her boss and HR have approved her plans - including the OP saying if she felt ok she'd have the days as pre approved annual leave not sickness?

FrancisUnderwood · 04/04/2018 14:22

I kind of agree with @vivienne
Op does sound like a bit of a chancer tbh.

ilovesooty · 04/04/2018 14:25

It is fraudulent to dishonestly claim sick leave and do something else but the OP has been decent and open with her employers. Colleagues have no business to be "raising an eyebrow".

Knittedfairies · 04/04/2018 14:28

Great news OP (and illustrates why there should be more women in managerial roles)

cupoflemontea · 04/04/2018 14:28

Cancel the cheque!

I give this another hour before the daily mail pick up on this op!

Original poster
Roquella · 04/04/2018 14:37

@cupoflemontea haha! Wouldn't be surprised...

OP posts:
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