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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Going to a wedding whilst off sick with morning sickness...

224 replies

Roquella · 04/04/2018 12:41

Originally posted on the pregnancy board but know that AIBU tends to get some pretty honest answers so posting here also.

Due to go to a very close friend's wedding tomorrow. I'm currently off work with sickness and nausea. The sickness is a lot better since I was put on medication a few days ago however the nausea is still quite awful.

I know I'll have to sit out the ceremony if I wake up and am having a bad day, which is fine. I also know that at the reception if I have to run off and be sick I can do.

My issue is, I'm off work currently until at least the end of this week. Is it acceptable for me to attend a wedding reception and not be at work? I have two nights booked in a hotel which I cannot refund, have bought my dress and shoes, and feel like 3 hours at a wedding reception to show my face is a lot easier than an 8 hour day at work with a 3 hour round commute. My hotel room will be upstairs and I can nip up to sleep whenever I fancy.

Thoughts? Last thing I want is to be in trouble with the boss and am genuinely considering pulling out, however would much rather see my friend get married of course.

Honest opinions please Smile

OP posts:
Wifeofapostie · 04/04/2018 23:05

I would go if you feel well enough. Your Doctor/Midwife signed you off as not fit for work, which you are not. You can still continue with life as best as possible. I presume the wedding is on what would have been your day off/annual leave.

CuckingFunt1987 · 04/04/2018 23:05

If your off sick with morning sickness but can attend a wedding then you are fit for work !!! Sorry but your taking the piss

CuckingFunt1987 · 04/04/2018 23:08

I'm astounded you think otherwise!!!

GoodStuffToFind · 04/04/2018 23:12

.

cherish123 · 04/04/2018 23:16

If you go to the wedding- you will have to go back to work. Presumably , you must have booked time off for the wedding.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 04/04/2018 23:16

Cucking
You’ll be even more astounded by the fact her manager agrees with her then. Try RTFT.

Original poster
Roquella · 04/04/2018 23:17

@Wifeofapostie it is, yes. I am in the hotel now and going to attend wedding tomorrow.

@CuckingFunt1987 - it's so difficult to take advice from an adult who doesn't know the difference between 'your' and 'you're' (astounding) but thanks for your input regardless!

OP posts:
Original poster
Roquella · 04/04/2018 23:18

New posters, read the thread! It's all sorted Smile

OP posts:
Labradoodliedoodoo · 04/04/2018 23:24

It’s fine. You’ll be lying down on the bed for most of the 3 hours.

You can always go back to work later in the week if you feel stronger

Labradoodliedoodoo · 04/04/2018 23:24

Well done

Thundercatshoooo · 04/04/2018 23:35

I was signed off work ill (stress related, but it'd made me physically unwell) and still went to a wedding reception, I was still very careful to keep it away from Facebook (you can set your profile up so that you have to ok posts before anyone tags you etc).

I can see why you are a little bit unsure about what to do but if it was me I'd still go. If there's any comeback from it from your employer you have a note from your doctor, I'm pretty sure they can't do anything if you have a doctors note.

Original poster
Roquella · 04/04/2018 23:35

Thanks @Labradoodliedoodoo !

OP posts:
Original poster
Roquella · 04/04/2018 23:36

@Thundercatshoooo thank you. I've passed it by my boss as didn't want to do anything behind her back and she's been supportive. Never had a day off before so she knows I'm not one to pull sickies! Smile

OP posts:
UrgentScurryfunge · 04/04/2018 23:37

I hope you get some enjoyment out of the day and I'm glad work are happy about the situation.

I had hideous nausea for a few months. I fainted mid-lesson which brought about the end of a good run of casual supply work. I was lucky to get p/t work at another school with a light timetable. They were very understanding that most moments when I wasn't standing in front of a class, I was lying down to conserve every ounce of energy. I wasn't capable of working a full timetable in that state. I did go on holiday as planned... more or less... while everyone else was off doing the planned activities, I shuffled around from bench to bench around NT properties on my own. DH did the majority of the driving, and I didn't have to go past my commuting gag triggers of a stinking rubbish dump and rapeseed fields.
Being on holiday was very different to mustering up a professional performance at work.

Original poster
Roquella · 04/04/2018 23:38

Sorry you felt so awful @UrgentScurryfunge - I'm currently in my hotel room sucking on ginger (gross I know!). Fingers crossed all ok for tomorrow!

OP posts:
Ollivander84 · 04/04/2018 23:52

I was off work, and well enough to go for long walks as encouraged by my surgeon, to have coffee and go shopping in town. But I couldn't work as I wasn't allowed to sit for more than 45 minutes! So I looked well, but I was signed off for 8 weeks before I was allowed back to work on a phased return

Ploppymoodypants · 05/04/2018 00:13

Sorry not read all of the thread. But HR Manager here and I would say that you are signed off as ‘unfit for your current job’. That doesn’t mean you can’t attempt to or manage to take part in any other activity.

If you were one of our staff it would be fine for you to attend the wedding. Plus morning sickness comes in waves so you technically could be having a good day.

Think, if you had a broken leg you would be signed off work, but still attend the wedding.

Plus pregnancy is a protected characteristic.

TomRavenscroft · 05/04/2018 10:09

Think, if you had a broken leg you would be signed off work, but still attend the wedding.

Very good point!

CuriousaboutSamphire · 05/04/2018 17:27

Very good point! Which a few of us less judgmental, non-spoilsports have been trying to say, even before OP and her lovely manager got it all sorted. You kind of have to hope that some posters are just venting here and aren't really that mean spirited!

I hope you are having a lovely time Roquella Smile

3out · 05/04/2018 17:35

What a fantastic manager! Sounds a very sensible lass

Icantbelieve · 05/04/2018 17:50

Depends. If it was a day you would normally work and you hadn’t booked the time off previously or weren’t able to book the time off the yabu. However if you were planning on going anyway and it was on a day you wouldn’t normally work or a day you’d booked off anyway then yanbu.

Depending on your usual job, going to a wedding is much less strenuous than working. For example you could run to the toilet every 10 minutes which would be problematic in most jobs

Bunnyfuller · 05/04/2018 17:54

You'd be up for gross misconduct if you did that with my employer. Of course work isn't the same as going to a social event but the fact you have to ask shows you know it's ethically wrong. And sets you up for a crapload of resentment from colleagues.

If you have to hide it from SM etc that tells you!

moomin4071 · 05/04/2018 17:55

Just go and keep it on the down low. If you already had it booked off as holiday I really don't think they can say anything.

Forget having a conscience

Nickitta · 05/04/2018 18:01

@Bunnyfuller you clearly didn't read the thread. I haven't hid it from anyone. Highly unlikely I'm going to be done for gross misconduct when my management have ok'd it 👍🏽

Nickitta · 05/04/2018 18:01

Name changed btw in case anyone wondering!

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