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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Going to a wedding whilst off sick with morning sickness...

224 replies

Roquella · 04/04/2018 12:41

Originally posted on the pregnancy board but know that AIBU tends to get some pretty honest answers so posting here also.

Due to go to a very close friend's wedding tomorrow. I'm currently off work with sickness and nausea. The sickness is a lot better since I was put on medication a few days ago however the nausea is still quite awful.

I know I'll have to sit out the ceremony if I wake up and am having a bad day, which is fine. I also know that at the reception if I have to run off and be sick I can do.

My issue is, I'm off work currently until at least the end of this week. Is it acceptable for me to attend a wedding reception and not be at work? I have two nights booked in a hotel which I cannot refund, have bought my dress and shoes, and feel like 3 hours at a wedding reception to show my face is a lot easier than an 8 hour day at work with a 3 hour round commute. My hotel room will be upstairs and I can nip up to sleep whenever I fancy.

Thoughts? Last thing I want is to be in trouble with the boss and am genuinely considering pulling out, however would much rather see my friend get married of course.

Honest opinions please Smile

OP posts:
Awwlookatmybabyspider · 05/04/2018 18:03

Well then your employer would be acting illegally. Like I said you can't be sacked or disciplined for anything pregnancy related.
Op will have a GP note. There's no arguing with that, plus she said it's all sorted

k8michell · 05/04/2018 18:05

Being signed off sick doesn’t mean you’re in jail, you are allowed to leave the house! I’m so glad you went OP. I had a similar issue in Work when I was pregnant but, like you, had a lovely manager who supported me. Enjoy as much of the day as you can. X

BettyBaggins · 05/04/2018 18:08

People are funny. Good on you op for trusting your self and not listening to some of the posters here!

NurseryFightClub · 05/04/2018 18:12

OP you sound like you have a great manager.

Singadream · 05/04/2018 18:18

Had you booked it as annual leave? I would email boss and explain situation and that you would have booked it as leave if not off sick and is this what you should do?

Turquoise123 · 05/04/2018 18:20

If it were me I would speak to my boss - but we do get on well. If you have a good relationship I think this is the best way.

I would have no problem with this - I would see that anything that a colleague did to distract them from feeling vile is a good idea. But I might feel differently if they did not tell me first ...

Passenger42 · 05/04/2018 18:28

Ring work on the day you have booked annual leave to say you have returned to work today but taking holiday as arranged and will be back at work on Monday. Simple. No drama you can enjoy guilt free.

Bunnyfuller · 05/04/2018 18:36

I haven't read the whole thread, no. Just using my moral compass. I wouldn't have even asked a manager, wouldn't have entered my head.

NewSparkle · 05/04/2018 18:37

I am a manager & if one of my reports was off sick & I got wind they attended a social function, I would be addressing it with them as per company policy. If you can attend a wedding, you can go to work. Simple.

TomRavenscroft · 05/04/2018 18:37

For the love of God.

IT'S SORTED.

Bunnyfuller · 05/04/2018 18:38

My employer wouldn't be discipline me for having morning sickness. They'd be disciplining me for saying I'm too ill to work but ok enough to socialise at a wedding.

53rdWay · 05/04/2018 18:39

Bunny, RTFT, the OP has already sorted it out with her manager.

Teeniemiff · 05/04/2018 18:40

I don’t think it’s quite the same- you have flexibility at the wedding to pick & choose what you feel up to & when. I assume you don’t have such a choice at work. And if questioned I think you could explain that & with any logic someone would understand.

NewSparkle · 05/04/2018 18:40

Oops didn’t see this was resolved.

fatimashortbread · 05/04/2018 19:58

Assuming you are going back to work on Monday I don’t see a problem but don’t ask for your holiday back because you are sick.

Housemum · 05/04/2018 20:49

Glad I read a bit further before posting - you did exactly what I would have thought, talk to your boss and explain first so you can enjoy the wedding (sickness permitting) guilt-free. The worry would have made you sick as well if you were wondering what work might say/do.

Meli1977 · 05/04/2018 21:14

It sounds like you will be miserable either way. If you think you can manage the wedding then go. Nausea is the worst.

LunchBoxPolice · 05/04/2018 21:47

Glad your manager was ok with you op. I had HG and there is a huge difference between going to work all day and showing your face somewhere for an hour. Fingers crossed the sickness eases for you soon.

peacheachpearplum · 05/04/2018 21:52

I'm a retired HR manager. I've had many a dept manager come to me moaning that a staff member is off sick and has been seen out. I've always said sick people aren't under house arrest. I can see this one would strike people as a bit off as it isn't just popping to the shops and your illness isn't stress/depression/broken leg but I would still say the same to managers. In my opinion it is good for people who are off sick to have something positive going on.

Glad you have it sorted.

Nickitta · 05/04/2018 21:53

Managed the wedding. Only went between 6 & 9. In my hotel room in bed already! Was absolutely fine and funnily enough did not have a miserable time!

patientzero · 05/04/2018 22:09

Glad you went and had a good time.

I don’t think some people understand that if you have been signed off by a doctor as not for for work you’re not legally allowed to return to work until the expiry of that note or them issuing you another document saying you’re now fit for work.

ChiaraRimini · 05/04/2018 22:21

Glad it went ok OP

It was a waste of time posting here though as the replies you got varied from sensible to completely stupid, so on balance I can't imagine they helped in any way.

Awhoosh · 05/04/2018 23:33

Glad you went and were OK. your manager sounds very sensible. X

NWQM · 05/04/2018 23:34

I agree that a day at a wedding where you can rest is very different from attending work. Your fit note has declared you unfit for your job under your terms and conditions - i.e 8 hours over 5 days or whatever. Unless it was your plan to return to work then I don't think you can actual just decide to use your holiday - preplanned or not - the issue is are you declared fit. You might want to cover yourself by talking to your GP - do they think you are able to attend the wedding, do they agree that you should still be off work and do they see any therapeutic benefit. In all seriousness you don't want to become isolated during this period and this is an occasion rather than a girls night out. Your colleagues - especially any that are covering for you - might think 'hmmm' but I hope many would understand that missing a friend / relatives wedding is a big deal.

SpiritedFlame · 06/04/2018 01:51

Glad you managed to go for a bit and had a good time.

Hopefully just being somewhwre else for a night as lifted your spirits a bit given how miserable you must be feeling physically. I hope it improves soon Flowers

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