Going to a wedding whilst off sick with morning sickness...

[Roquella]

Originally posted on the pregnancy board but know that AIBU tends to get some pretty honest answers so posting here also.

Due to go to a very close friend's wedding tomorrow. I'm currently off work with sickness and nausea. The sickness is a lot better since I was put on medication a few days ago however the nausea is still quite awful.

I know I'll have to sit out the ceremony if I wake up and am having a bad day, which is fine. I also know that at the reception if I have to run off and be sick I can do.

My issue is, I'm off work currently until at least the end of this week. Is it acceptable for me to attend a wedding reception and not be at work? I have two nights booked in a hotel which I cannot refund, have bought my dress and shoes, and feel like 3 hours at a wedding reception to show my face is a lot easier than an 8 hour day at work with a 3 hour round commute. My hotel room will be upstairs and I can nip up to sleep whenever I fancy.

Thoughts? Last thing I want is to be in trouble with the boss and am genuinely considering pulling out, however would much rather see my friend get married of course.

Honest opinions please

daisy I think that’s the most reasonable way of doing it.

That's brilliant OP! Hope your HG subsides long enough for you to enjoy your friend's wedding

It's good to hear your decency and openness has been responded to with understanding.

@TheShapeofYou thank you 🙏🏽

Going to take it very easy!

To the people who say you can't be disciplined for this this is not entirely true.
You can't be disciplined for pregnancy related sickness but you can for your conduct surrounding your pregnancy/ malingering.

If you are going to go then I would be completely upfront with your employer. Ask to take it as holiday rather than sick pay.

If you think that you can manage the wedding but couldn't manage to be at work then you should explain why (which might be the ability to leave at any time and go and lay down).

If you go and don't tell them they will not look favourably on this at all.

That's great news Roquella, I'm pleased your manager was so supportive.

Seen your update. Perfect! Great place to work. Any jobs going! Enjoy the wedding x

I've had HG and I would have tried to attend the wedding, even if it meant showing my face for an hour and then retreating to my room. Will there be anyone from work at the wedding? Unless you plaster it all over social media then who is going to know. If anyone in work asks if you were well enough to go to the wedding you can say that you were able to attend for a short time only due to illness.
There is a huge difference in a long working day and commute and an hour or two at a wedding where you can rest in your room.
How you communicate your actions to others will make all the difference, if it looks like you were partying on a jolly then your colleagues would be right to be miffed.

Well done OP! Have a fabulous time (as much as possible!) and get some rest as well (in big, comfy hotel bed - nice!)

Blimey, what sort of jobs do people have, that are easier than going to a 3 hour social event? She's not being required to eat a full roast dinner and dance until 3am.

crossed post, well done OP and glad that your employer has been reasonable.

I think it really depends on your situation at work tbh.

If you think they may be looking for an excuse to fire you, then don't go.

If you are able to explain to your manager - "look, I know I am off sick and have been signed off, I am happy to take 2 days as my holiday as I would very much like to attend my friends wedding". "There is nothing dodgy going on, I am still sick, but I have been offered a lift there and I can take a break when I need to, have a lie down - I certainly won't be drinking and dancing, it is totally different from coming to work, I just wanted to let inform you so that there wouldn't be any misunderstanding". "Is that okay."

But no, I don't think you are being at all U wanting to go. If you were a footballer with a broken leg, you would be able to go to a wedding! Or if you had two broken arms, the same. Or MHI but were having a good day, you could go too. You don't have to be 100% ill 24/7/7. But if your employers are MFs, just be careful and make sure you shut your FB privacy right down and that you can't be tagged either in other peoples photos.

as a boss I would be extremely suspicious of anyone signed off work sick who was suddenly well enough to go to a wedding. Even if you did use annual leave, I would have your card marked for the future in terms of your commitment to your role and the business. Sorry! I am firmly in the camp of too ill to come to work, too ill to go to social events etc.

CP :) so pleased - have fun!

Thanks @ilovesooty - I simply explained that I am feeling a bit better but have no idea how I will feel tomorrow. If I am feeling better I will take it as leave, if not, I will not go and take it as sick. She told me to stop worrying and just go, take it as sick and see how I feel on Monday.

Excellent news, OP. Sounds like you have a great boss and definitely did the right thing talking it through with her. Hope you manage to enjoy the wedding!

Seriously? Your HR department are happy to wave you off to a wedding when you're too sick to come to work? Unusual...

@Roquella get as much sleep and rest before and after as you can. Don't forget to keep your fluids up, as hard as it can be ( would sip flat lemonade through a straw).

So glad your boss is lovely - mine were just as understanding and were Police!

And that what makes a good manager and a good employee. Openness and honesty is always the best way to be. Hope you feel better soon.

Unusual My line manager would probably be fine with it too. They'd be pissed off by lies but are accommodating when they can be. In return I don't take the piss and am flexible for them.

I think it sounds like your boss, and HR are being fair and sensible. A couple of hours at a social event, where you have a bedroom available whenever you need it, is very different to an 8 hour day plus 3 hour commute.

also treating you well means you'll likely treat them well as well.

Give and take is what it's all about, and I'm glad you have a boss that realises that.

@Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar my HR Dept (local authority/Police) were amazing when I had HG. Gave me back my annual leave when I went on holiday during my sick note cover period.

@Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar - no I just made that up for kicks

Yes seriously! They aren't exactly waving me off to a wedding. I'm showing my face at a reception for a few hours, if that and can leave any time I want. My manager believes that this is fine and is happy for me to attend.

Can I just state that I have worked here for 4 years and never had a day off sick up until now so that may have gone in my favour.

Yes I am quite surprised to. As you are not ill enough to be off work. So claiming statutory sick pay could be looked upon as fraud. I'd be worried a person more senior gets to hear about this. Bad idea all round.

As an employer, I would think you were taking the piss.

Needs to be on your holiday time, not the employer paying for you .