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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Settle this: DH or I BU over guest

223 replies

Booboostwo · 09/03/2018 07:28

DH has a family childhood friend he has not had any contact with for the past 25 years. He coincidentally bumped into her recently and invited her to stay with us. We live abroad, in an area fairly popular with tourists so we get a lot of relatives and friends who visit, that's fine. I don't know this woman but I am sure she's lovely, so that's also fine.

Here's the problem. DH has now said, rather casually, that he will be away, travelling aboard, during the visit. He assumed I would be happy to host his friend and can't see why I have a problem with this. Just for background we live in the middle of nowhere in the countryside, you need a car to get anywhere, and we have two young children and a lot of animals. I generally prefer guests who come with their own car so that they can amuse themselves a bit. This friend will need to be picked up at the airport and entertained by me (for an unknown number of days as DH hasn't asked when she is leaving).

I don't want to do this, DH thinks I am uptight and inhospitable.

OP posts:
blackteasplease · 09/03/2018 07:29

He is bvu!

Lovestonap · 09/03/2018 07:29

I wouldn't do it. Maybe I'm selfish, but that would be a big fat no from me.

nocake · 09/03/2018 07:29

I don't think that's acceptable. It's his friend so he should be around to help host.

teaandtoast · 09/03/2018 07:30

Hell to the no!

CrabappleBiscuit · 09/03/2018 07:31

Nope, he’s there or she postpones or stays in a hotel....

mickeysminnie · 09/03/2018 07:31

He is bvvvvu!

Madonnasmum · 09/03/2018 07:31

I'd wait and see if the visit ever happens. She may have just been polite but in her head was thinking wtf why would I want to stay with unknown wife and her two kids?

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 09/03/2018 07:31

How bizarre of your DH. Do you think he wants to avoid hid friend?

Speedy85 · 09/03/2018 07:31

YANBU. DH is BU.

You are not a hotel and it’s not up to you to entertain strangers. If DH wants to host someone you don’t know he should definitely be there.

Sausagerollers · 09/03/2018 07:31

Tell your DH that the only way this is happening is if he cancels his trip away. If she was coming to catch up with him that's one thing, but as a freebie holiday that you have to be cook, cleaner & taxi driver for a stranger it's not acceptable.
If he does stay home, make sure he does ALL the shopping, washing, cleaning, cooking and driving involved, it will make him think a bit more before inviting others.

sausagerole · 09/03/2018 07:32

I love having people to stay and I wouldn't be pleased about this! Not sure I would retract the invite though.

Could your DH contact her and let her know your availability in advance eg. Boo can pick you up from the airport but can't run you about, would you like the number of a local car-hire place or do you want to make your own arrangements?". I'd make it clear that you're not available to entertain all the time, and then leave it up to her.

SilenceIsBroken · 09/03/2018 07:33

I would actually do this (but I seem to be part of the rare MN breed who actually loves having guests). But I would tell her that she needed a car, and that you won't be her tour guide.

Nocabbageinmyeye · 09/03/2018 07:33

Hell no from me. Who the hell does your dh think he is? I'd actually be fuming. But then I wouldn't open my home to someone I hadn't met in 25 years after just bumping into them, after reconnecting and getting friendly fine but not just bumping into them. I equally surprised she accepted.

I'd make him contact her and say sorry change of plan he is away and tell him never to offer your time and services to a stranger again

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 09/03/2018 07:33

Has she bought the ticket?

happystory · 09/03/2018 07:33

Can't the trip be rearranged for a time when he will be there?

Sarahjconnor · 09/03/2018 07:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Strugglingtodomybest · 09/03/2018 07:36

Will she actually visit? It sounds like my worse nightmare, being stuck in the middle of nowhere with someone I don't know AND their kids! I don't think I'd go even your DH was there, after all, if they haven't seen each other for 25 years they're hardly good friends are they?

ChasedByBees · 09/03/2018 07:36

There is no way on earth I would go along with that. Why would you want to be host to a stranger? And if you do, it’s the sort of thing you decide for yourself, not have someone else volunteer you for.

EllieMe · 09/03/2018 07:37

HIBVVVVVU

Original poster
Booboostwo · 09/03/2018 07:38

She's bought the ticket and is very excited. Without giving too much away she has a special interest in the area we live in so I can understand why she'd want to visit. I am also happy for her to visit...with DH there and taking time off work to host her as she will want to see the sights. Our DCs are too young to enjoy the kinds of tourist attractions adults would be interested in.

OP posts:
LaContessaDiPlump · 09/03/2018 07:38

My father pulled this sort of shit on my mother all the time. She resented it hugely.

Refuse to host! Or invent a car fault.....

Goodfood1 · 09/03/2018 07:42

Just explain it to her and inform her she will need a car. If she has already booked there's not a lot you can do. but DH is VVVVVU

ElenaBothari · 09/03/2018 07:44

Such a weird idea. Of course you’re not going to host and entertain a total stranger by yourself. I’d tell DH there was no way I’m doing it so he will need to rearrange.

NorthernKnickers · 09/03/2018 07:46

She just needs to hire a car, surely! It's not that difficult to arrange. (I'd be MIGHTILY pissed off at my husband for doing this though, and he'd be in so much shit from me for a very, very long time!!). Not the guest's fault though...so I would try to make her visit as pleasant as possible, without putting myself out too much! Definitely wouldn't be ferrying her around or cooking up a feast!

hotcrossbunsandtea · 09/03/2018 07:46

Nope, YANBU.

He's her friend - he can take time off and host her. He doesn't get to go away and leave you to do to it all - you don't even know her!

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