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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Settle this: DH or I BU over guest

223 replies

Booboostwo · 09/03/2018 07:28

DH has a family childhood friend he has not had any contact with for the past 25 years. He coincidentally bumped into her recently and invited her to stay with us. We live abroad, in an area fairly popular with tourists so we get a lot of relatives and friends who visit, that's fine. I don't know this woman but I am sure she's lovely, so that's also fine.

Here's the problem. DH has now said, rather casually, that he will be away, travelling aboard, during the visit. He assumed I would be happy to host his friend and can't see why I have a problem with this. Just for background we live in the middle of nowhere in the countryside, you need a car to get anywhere, and we have two young children and a lot of animals. I generally prefer guests who come with their own car so that they can amuse themselves a bit. This friend will need to be picked up at the airport and entertained by me (for an unknown number of days as DH hasn't asked when she is leaving).

I don't want to do this, DH thinks I am uptight and inhospitable.

OP posts:
Trinity66 · 09/03/2018 10:42

He is being incredibly unreasonable, I would hate that and I would be telling him to tell her she couldn't come because he's away

Trinity66 · 09/03/2018 10:43

It's hard enough entertaining guests you actually know

Willow2017 · 09/03/2018 10:43

If its work its understandable...whats not understandable is he still expects op to host his childhood friend, whom he hasnt seen in 25yrs, met briefly on a street and op has never met along with looking after thier kids and animals. Its outrageous whatever the reason for the trip us.

BrendasUmbrella · 09/03/2018 10:44

Actually, you're right AnnieAnoniMouse, he could reschedule her visit for another time.

GaraMedouar · 09/03/2018 10:47

No, no, no. Not acceptable. He needs to cancel her or his work trip.

pictish · 09/03/2018 10:49

And he’s not even humble in his approach. He’s telling you that you’re uptight and inhospitable for not going along with his bizarre and unreasonable idea, making you doubt your wholly reasonable response to it. Just fuck this guy. He’d be getting the shortest of shrifts from me.

LannieDuck · 09/03/2018 10:52

Tell him that you've booked a week away for yourself next month, so he'll need to look after the kids. Oh, and you've invited your work colleague to stay, so he'll need to host them, cook for them and entertain them while you're gone.

You assume he'll be fine with that, since he won't want to be uptight and inhospitable?

FinallyHere · 09/03/2018 11:08

I know we all project from our own experience on these threads, and i really should stay away from this one. I keep coming back, however, as I would love to understand how it came about. DH bumping into an old school friend not seen for 25 years... i could easily imagine my DH not quite knowing how to put off an old friend who practically invites themselves to stay.

No, wait, I know that he might not find the words to say a definite no , in the face of extreme pushiness but he would definitely tell me about it apologetically and be looking to find a solution that does not inconvenience me.

That he would announce that the invitation had been issued, and accepted for a time when he would not be around, expecting me to suck it up. Nope, just can't imagine that, sorry. URNBU to decline

Motoko · 09/03/2018 12:29

Are you coming back OP?

Trinity66 · 09/03/2018 12:30

Are you coming back OP?

Maybe she's taken our advise and went on holiday Grin

sashh · 09/03/2018 12:31

That's ridiculous, and I host couch surfers.

Does SHE know she is going to be in the middle of nowhere with a stranger and small children?

Rosielily · 09/03/2018 13:34

Neither of you know anything about this woman. She could have changed drastically in the 25 years since your husband knew her. You don't know her at all. I'd cancel her coming immediately. By way of an aside - your lifestyle sounds wonderful, and it seems your children are having a lovely upbringing Smile

ginyogarepeat · 09/03/2018 14:41

He is BVU. Not in a million years would I entertain the idea of this!

WatchoutDSisdriving · 09/03/2018 14:44

He is bvu. If she had a car or wild make a significant difference so she could go off and do visits on her own. Can she arrange this?

londonmummy1966 · 09/03/2018 14:51

Explain that either he cancels his trip or you won't bother to pick her up from the airport...

LagunaBubbles · 09/03/2018 15:01

Its such a stupid idea Im wondering what on earth your DH can be thinking about!

RestingBitchFaced · 09/03/2018 15:04

Does she drive?

TammyWhyNot · 09/03/2018 15:09

Odd.
It doesn’t really seem fair in you or her.
But the car is a big issue. Surely she can pick up a hire car at the airport?

Original poster
Booboostwo · 09/03/2018 19:14

Sorry I've had a bit of a hectic day.

DH knew he would have to go away on work for a meeting when he invited her but hadn't told me both of these things together. I knew he would leave at short notice, then he mentioned friend was coming, then later that day said he wouldn't be here when friend would come. He seemed to think this was perfectly reasonable so hasn't talked to friend about changing dates, car hire, etc.

I don't know this woman at all, don't have her phone number so have no idea whether she drives or not.

It now seems like friend will be here on my birthday so maybe the two of us can have a birthday party together!

OP posts:
lottiegarbanzo · 09/03/2018 19:20

What are you going to do OP?

He has her contact details and can certainly put her off if he wants / needs to.

MauriceTheSpaceCowboy · 09/03/2018 19:21

So DH has invited a total stranger for your birthday and is leaving you to host her. I don’t really understand - absolutely every poster on this thread has said he’s being unreasonable. Why are you letting him do this?

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 09/03/2018 19:22

He knew when he invited her? Surely nobody is that bloody stupid? What other parts of life does he find hard to get to grips with?!

Batteriesallgone · 09/03/2018 19:25

Your tone is very much of someone who is just going to roll your eyes at him but then put up with it.

You don’t have to. It’s probably not a case of him being silly or hopeless. It sounds like he just knows you put up with any shit he pushes your way.

lottiegarbanzo · 09/03/2018 19:27

Oh, I can totally understand the DH's perspective. Who wouldn't like to enjoy the sort of largesse that allows one to invite guests for a week, with a casual wave of ones hand?

Willow2017 · 09/03/2018 19:28

Either he is very 'look at me, i invited someone to stay i havent met in years (to show off where i live )"
Or
As thick as mince!

Ffs tell him to phone/email her and cancel
You are not his bloody p.a. nor is hosting 'wife work' in 2018.
Show him this thread andvlet him see what an absute selfish prat ge is.
Its your house too put your bloody foot down.

I would be checking his phone/emails for her contact details and doing it myself if he refused.