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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Settle this: DH or I BU over guest

223 replies

Booboostwo · 09/03/2018 07:28

DH has a family childhood friend he has not had any contact with for the past 25 years. He coincidentally bumped into her recently and invited her to stay with us. We live abroad, in an area fairly popular with tourists so we get a lot of relatives and friends who visit, that's fine. I don't know this woman but I am sure she's lovely, so that's also fine.

Here's the problem. DH has now said, rather casually, that he will be away, travelling aboard, during the visit. He assumed I would be happy to host his friend and can't see why I have a problem with this. Just for background we live in the middle of nowhere in the countryside, you need a car to get anywhere, and we have two young children and a lot of animals. I generally prefer guests who come with their own car so that they can amuse themselves a bit. This friend will need to be picked up at the airport and entertained by me (for an unknown number of days as DH hasn't asked when she is leaving).

I don't want to do this, DH thinks I am uptight and inhospitable.

OP posts:
GabriellaMontez · 09/03/2018 09:07

I guess he doesn't want to let her down after making this (absurd) offer.

But he's not bothered about fucking you over with a visiting stranger with no transport!!!

Gabilan · 09/03/2018 09:11

because she would look like a CF otherwise.

The upper classes do specialise in being cheeky fuckers. It's how they got where they are.

FluffyWuffy100 · 09/03/2018 09:11

He’s an idiot. She needs to hire a car or be prepared to spend a shit load on taxis cos you can’t be expected to run her around!

Willow2017 · 09/03/2018 09:15

Thats just nuts.
You bump into someone in the street you havent havent seen since a kid and invite them to your house for a holiday?
Then tell your oh that they are hosting and entertaining a total stranger cos you wont be there! Who the hell does that?
You need to let her know she has to make her own travel arrangements as you cant do it. I wouldnt even want to trail little kids to an airport if i absolutely didnt have to.

She may be lovely but its nothing to do with you if your dh has cocked it up.

No way would i go to someone i hadnt seen since childhoods house to stay but especially if they were not even going to be there. How awkward would that be? I doubt she even knows he wont be there.

blueskypink · 09/03/2018 09:17

Is she going to babysit for you, or tend to your animals so you get a break

Would you let a complete stranger look after your children?

Since the OP's DH last knew her she could have acquired a criminal record, addictions, mental health issues ....

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 09/03/2018 09:18

He invited her to stay... Does she know he isn't planning to be there at the time? Confused. I can't think of a single reason she should want to go and stay with a complete stranger, so he sounds a bit thick, tbh.
Tell him to cancel, because he won't be there.

Curtainshopping · 09/03/2018 09:18

To be honest, I thought it was weird enough when he invited her to stay after meting her once in 25 years, let alone the next part.

HoppingPavlova · 09/03/2018 09:18

He will have to tell her work commitments involving travel have come up so plans must change. Either she can reschedule or she will need to book a hotel and arrange tours etc.

TalkinBoutWhat · 09/03/2018 09:21

You have a fool for a husband I'm afraid.

She can either rent a car and be independent, or if she can't because she can't drive, then she can't stay. Simple.

If he wants her to stay then he rearranges his work commitments.

RidingWindhorses · 09/03/2018 09:21

I'd be furious with DH, but I'd let her stay as her ticket is booked. She'd have to get herself about though. I certainly wouldn't be driving her around everywhere, she will have to get taxis.

MarthasGinYard · 09/03/2018 09:22

He needs to change his work plans

How presumptious of him to expect you to sort it all

Bloody rude

I'd have none of it

Cuppaoftea · 09/03/2018 09:23

Fact is her visit isn’t practical unless your DH is there to drive her around or she drives and can hire a car.

Ask him how he'd feel if you invited someone who was a stranger to him and had no car, then you hopped on a plane and left him to chauffeur them round the tourist spots, dragging the kids backwards and forwards to somewhere they're too young to visit and finding time to care for the animals at home inbetween. Guessing it would be a big, fat no from him.

He needs to cancel his work trip or pay for her flights to be rearranged (and get firm dates so you know how long her stay will be!)

ReanimatedSGB · 09/03/2018 09:23

I can just about imagine the guest having interpreted the invite as 'If you want to visit this special area, we'll give you a bed for a couple of nights'. I have a few old pals who, if they find out I am going to be near where they live for some event or other, will ask me if I want to stay at theirs. But the fact that your H has basically dumped a complete stranger on you is pretty crap. Is he normally inconsiderate, or very generous with your time and labour?

Viviennemary · 09/03/2018 09:25

No. He must tell her that there has been a change of plans and he will be away on those dates so she has to choose another time. Preferably never. Or be away visiting relatives yourself so sadly there will be nobody there.

BonfiresOfInsanity · 09/03/2018 09:27

Not a fucking chance I would accommodate this. What a complete idiot to think this is in anyway OK. Shock

Willow2017 · 09/03/2018 09:27

Is she going to babysit for you, or tend to your animals so you get a break? If not, then it's a no from me. What was your DH thinking!

I missed this.
You would leave a complete stranger to look after your kids? She probably doesn't have the first clue about ops animals either.
Why on earth would you even consider letting her babysit or tend your animals?
Op doesnt know the first thing about this woman. She could be a lazy slob expecting to be waited on hand and foot, hate kids, never mind have any of 101 other traits ops oh knows nothing about after 25 years!

whiskyowl · 09/03/2018 09:27

"Bloody rude

I'd have none of it"

For some reason, this really made me laugh. Partly because it's so spot on!

It is VV unreasonable. The assumption that you will be there to pick up the wifework is awful and sexist, OP.

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 09/03/2018 09:27

What sort of special interest in the area could she have that she hasn't managed to visit under her own steam in 25 years?

Where on earth do you live?

Branleuse · 09/03/2018 09:28

what a bizarre thing for him to do, and totally unreasonable.

I definitely think that sending her links to car hire places is a good idea at the very least

LeeBird · 09/03/2018 09:31

I think it’s a ‘man thing’. Just invite guests and leave everything to a wife. My BIL recently invited his ex-wife’s brother’s family with 2 teenagers to his house for a week even without consulting with his present wife (my sister)!
And I used to know a family, where wife had loads of health issues so had to do all her cooking from scratch, including baking her own bread. Her DH regularly invited his friends, colleagues to their home for them to taste said bread! His wife was really ill at that time!
I think, they just don’t realise how much work it is to host a guest!

pictish · 09/03/2018 09:36

What expat said.
I mean no...just the fuck no. Who does he think he is ditching that duty with you as though you’re his PA or deputy or some shit? I would hate to have to host a stranger in my home under those circumstances and let me assure you I would point blank refuse to do it.
He arranged this with his acquaintance and he can damn well step up and see it through or tell her he fucked up and the trip is off. What he may not do is absolve himself by dumping it in your lap. Arrogant bastard.

OutyMcOutface · 09/03/2018 09:40

OP. I would just say ‘no, I have better things to do than chaperone some woman you knew when you were children. Sorry’. And just repeat. He invited her so it’s his problem. He didn’t think about how this May inconvenience you or embarrass you so why should you care how it will effect him. Tell him that you aren’t getting involved at all and he can sort out his own mess.

FilthyforFirth · 09/03/2018 09:42

I can't believe thus is an actual conversation you have had with your 'd' h. Of course he is being ridiculously unreasonable. Tell him no way and ensure he either cancels his trip or his 'friend'. Utter madness!

echt · 09/03/2018 09:48

Clearly DH is well out of order.

However. Never ever underestimate the tendency of visitors to turn up with no driving licence/ intention of having anything less then you being taxi and tour guide. Even when you say, bring your driving licence, hire a car.

MichaelBendfaster · 09/03/2018 09:48

I can't believe thus is an actual conversation you have had with your 'd' h.

Me either! What the fuck was he thinking? And how dare he accuse you of being uptight and inhospitable?

And why doesn't he WANT to be there to spend time with his friend? Confused

Just say no. Keep saying no. Is he always like this?

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