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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How can you let your child go to boarding school?

479 replies

Jerem · 06/03/2018 22:27

I’m going to get flamed probably by the people who send their child to boarding school full time ..

But how could you?
How can you let other adults care for your child? Why did you send them away? Why have children and not have them in your home, give them their tea, talk everyday face to face. I don’t understand how anyone could do this. I really don’t.

Anyone care to explain how you can send your child to live elsewhere without you??

OP posts:
Yarboosucks · 06/03/2018 22:29

Why would anyone bother to try and explain it to you when it obvious you would never understand?

Monoblock67 · 06/03/2018 22:31

I wouldn’t do it but I’m not in a position where I’d have to. Some people, who work in the military for example, chose to board their children so their children have routine and stability.

ThePinkOcelot · 06/03/2018 22:31

I don’t know Jerem. I couldn’t do it. Don’t understand it at all. Personally, I think you would lose all closeness. However, there’ll be people who’ll say that’s bollocks!

FluffyWuffy100 · 06/03/2018 22:32

Maybe the parents are just really selfless and are prepared to make personal sacrifices to allow their children the best opportunity available?

MynameisJune · 06/03/2018 22:32

Why should anyone explain it to you? It’s a personal family decision. Absolutely nothing to do with you or your guilt trip. I bet you’re also the type that think parents who send their children to Nursery are ‘farming’ them out and letting other people raise them 🙄

And no my child doesn’t go to boarding school.

fabulous01 · 06/03/2018 22:33

I think it is about what people are used to

I work with a girl who went to boarding school and she loved it and she is very close to her parents

But good luck as I can imagine the responses you will get on here

MulanRouge · 06/03/2018 22:33

I went to boarding school. My dad's job got moved back to our home country when I was a teenager. My dad asked me what I wanted to do. I had done most of my school days in English speaking countries at this point and the idea of having to go back and do the rest of high school not in English filled me with horror Grin so my family went back and I boarded. I doubt they planned it, it just worked out best that way.

Lockheart · 06/03/2018 22:34

If parent(s) are in the military or very mobile jobs which can involve relocation frequently (including overseas relocation), being at a boarding school can give children stability and the chance to form friendships.

TabbyTigger · 06/03/2018 22:37

The one parent I know who sent her daughter to boarding school at 11 did it because she didn’t know where her job was going to take her over the next few years, and she was a single mum. Over the 5 years the girl was at boarding school her mum worked in Newcastle, Brighton, Birmingham, and London, which would have meant her DD changing schools almost every year. She did it so her DD would get stability, and a consistently good education - it meant they could choose her school.

AnneLovesGilbert · 06/03/2018 22:37

I can’t understand it at all but that’s because I know what my dad went through at one from a very young age. His dad died and his mum was persuaded he needed a male environment to grow up in to become a man. Hmmm. It was a male environment, a cruel, barbaric one and has scarred him in so many ways.

Whatshallidonowpeople · 06/03/2018 22:37

If you don't care enough about your children to give them the best education and experience they will ever have why did you even bother to have children? You might as well get a cat and keep it locked in a cupboard.

welshweasel · 06/03/2018 22:37

I went to join my brother and sister at boarding school when I was 8. My dad was in the military. I genuinely absolutely loved it, and it was completely the right decision for our family. It’s only been the last few years that I’ve realised how hard it was for my Mum particularly to send us away. She says it broke her heart but she knew it was the right thing to do. I’m so grateful that she was selfless enough to do that. I had a brilliant education, now have an amazing career and, despite what many people will say, have a happy marriage, a good relationship with my child and also with my parents.

Fugitivefrombrusstice · 06/03/2018 22:38

I went to boarding school and I loved it. I was given experiences I would never have had otherwise, made lifelong friends and developed a level of independence and self-esteem I doubt I would otherwise have had.

I dearly love and am close to my parents. The time I spent with them during holidays etc was precious, and spent wisely in the pursuit of shared happy memories.

Boarding school certainly wouldn't suit every child, but it is an incredibly experience for many. It's painfully narrow minded and judgmental of you to suggest that it shows an unwillingness on the part of parents to raise their children.

FranticallyPeaceful · 06/03/2018 22:38

My dad went to boarding school and he wasn’t close with his parents but he did respect them and loved them a lot, they became much much much closer when he was older (his adult relationship with them was closer than the relationship I have with mine).
I suppose it’s largely dependent on whats important to you. For my grandparents it was rigid structure etc, didn’t matter who gave it and they didn’t feel they could do as good job with it as boarding school... my mum and dad were different and my dad wanted a solid family that stayed together.

My brother wants to send his kids to school during the week and come home weekends, whereas the thought of sending my kids away makes my soul collapse.

I don’t think there’s a wrong way of doing things, I just think there’s different ways - it depends what’s important to you

NorksAreMessy · 06/03/2018 22:39

Does the same apply to nursery ...and at an even younger age OP?

Original poster
Jerem · 06/03/2018 22:39

@MynameisJune Nursesy nurse here.. so no. Good try though.

Does education really outweigh family life?

And a mobile job is still a choice. I’d rather be on minimum wage than live without my children rather than have a job that’s mobile and not even be able to share the money or house I have with my children because of it.

Also, why wouldn’t you explain it unless you doubt it yourself?

OP posts:
ButteredScone · 06/03/2018 22:40

I don’t.
But, honestly, how can you start a thread like this?!

Whatshallidonowpeople · 06/03/2018 22:41

And yet i have explained it and you ignored it....hmmm funny

Jassmells · 06/03/2018 22:42

I can understand the military and moving around etc reasons. My neighbour however sent her kids to board at the boarding school half a mile down the road because she is a doctor who worked shifts (husband had normal hours job) seemed v weird to me, but hey each to their own...

scaryteacher · 06/03/2018 22:42

I sent ds at 16 to board for sixth form at a state sixth form college that caters for a small boarding population as well as the normal day students. He thrived, as did I when I went there. It was a good stepping stone for university.

If you are not in the shoes of those who use boarding OP, like military and diplomatic families, then you won't understand as you haven't experienced that life. For military families like mine and Dh's, and dh was also military, it is not unusual.

Original poster
Jerem · 06/03/2018 22:42

@Whatshallidonowpeople I think many many educators would strongly disagree with you that the only way to get the best education is boarding school.

OP posts:
WithywoodsBee · 06/03/2018 22:43

I went to boarding school from the age of 8. I wanted to go and I chose the school over schools where I could have been a day pupil. Not because I don't love my parents or am not close to them, but because it was a fantastic school that suited me down to the ground. By the final year every pupil in my class boarded at least at few nights a week because it was such a great atmosphere.

I was a weekly boarder so went home at weekends. Have a fantastic relationship with my parents now and we're very close. My Mum cried all the way home when she first dropped me off, but ultimately I was the happiest there and certainly far better off than when I was a day pupil elsewhere.

I think it's great for kids if they're in an environment they like. Teaches you to be self-sufficient and independent among many other things. I don't expect those who are vehemently against it will ever understand, but I'm grateful to my parents for allowing me to go to the school of my choice.

Monoblock67 · 06/03/2018 22:43

Jerem but you’re not on minimum wage as a nursery nurse are you Hmm

You asking this, is like people asking you, why are you working as a nursery nurse? Why do you not have a better job? Why did you make that choice? Why are you working at all in fact, you should be at home chained to your children and be around for them at any and all possible times. And you have answers to all these questions which are yours and yours alone-I wouldn’t criticise your job choice and I don’t see why you feel the need to criticise parents who board. You don’t know their lives or their reasons as we don’t know yours.

thanksjaneshusbandatcaresouth · 06/03/2018 22:44

For me, it’s one thing if your family life is destabilised by military service.

Another thing if you’d just rather not have the kids around....

Original poster
Jerem · 06/03/2018 22:45

Well I’m sorry but I really don’t understand the ‘my children being at home doesn’t fit with my lifestyle or career so I’m just going to send them away under the pretence it’s for their education’

It’s utter bullocks.

OP posts: