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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How can you let your child go to boarding school?

479 replies

Jerem · 06/03/2018 22:27

I’m going to get flamed probably by the people who send their child to boarding school full time ..

But how could you?
How can you let other adults care for your child? Why did you send them away? Why have children and not have them in your home, give them their tea, talk everyday face to face. I don’t understand how anyone could do this. I really don’t.

Anyone care to explain how you can send your child to live elsewhere without you??

OP posts:
greenlanes · 06/03/2018 23:20

But how could you? How can you let other adults care for your child? Why did you send them away? Why have children and not have them in your home, give them their tea, talk everyday face to face. I don’t understand how anyone could do this. I really don’t. Anyone care to explain how you can send your child to live elsewhere without you??

Yes happily I will explain it to you. That is you total stranger on the internet. And what will you do with my answer?

I became pregnant finally after years of IVF. I always knew my husband was moody but I hadnt realised until I was several months pregnant that he was abusive. We finally split when my child was 6. My child has SEN so needs even now to go to a special school. My ex fought me through family court for years. He had high earnings and an entitled attitude. The school he "preferred" required the child to board. The judge - that's right a supposedly competent individual - decided that a child of 9 years with SEN would be better off boarding than attending a local school. The child hates it, is unhappy. The school are happy - they are being paid large sums to educate/house - so they dont give a shit. My ex is happy - he has taken my child from me (so he thinks, he hasnt). I think everyone has failed my child and I am right they have.

So what will you do about this? Campaign against abuse through the family courts? I doubt it. Campaign against the lack of transparency in the family courts? I doubt it. Campaign for greater support for SEN children in the state sector? I doubt it.

So why do you want to know why a parent can let a child go to boarding school? Answer: I had no choice.

CavoliRiscaldati · 06/03/2018 23:21

My life revolves around my children
poor kids, aren't you worried to smother them completely? Let them breathe.

On another forum, I saw just tonight a thread from a mother who is appalled that other parents do not home-ed secondary school children, because sending your kids to school means depression/ bullying and suicide. That's us told then.

PorkFlute · 06/03/2018 23:21

Mulan you’re nearly an adult if you’re doing GCSEs though and can make the decision yourself. Not quite the same as sending a young child to board.

scaryteacher · 06/03/2018 23:22

Jerem You be pissed off when your kids get bored with you being there all the time and helicopters them. How sad that your life revolves around your kids, don't you get out much, or are you looking for gold stars for being such a good Mummy? MN head tilt?

Wobbleslikeaweeble · 06/03/2018 23:22

I used to ask to go to boarding school, never did go. I think for some older kids it’s probably great. A good education, hanging with your mates every night, great sports facilities and opportunities and spend the weekend at home. I hardly see my teenager - always in their room on their phone or on xbox - I think they’d have more fun and better educational support at bs.

DalekDalekDalek · 06/03/2018 23:22

TAAT? No actually. I haven’t even read another read in relation to boarding schools.

bollocks

OP, why did you start this thread if you had no interest in the opinions of people who disagree with you?

BMW6 · 06/03/2018 23:24

You are being a massive dick OP.

littlepill · 06/03/2018 23:24

Also, I don’t give a shit if I could afford £30k fees or not. I had my children to raise them myself.

To be fair, this sounds like a fucking idiot who has no idea of nature or nurture.

Are your kids not exposed to the media?
To the internet?
To advertising?

Cos let me tell you something, whichever school you send your kids to, it ain’t just you who is raising them. There will be many other powerful influences.

I pity you!

scaryteacher · 06/03/2018 23:24

She is virtue signalling Dalek

PorkFlute · 06/03/2018 23:24

Only on MN would you be referred to as a helicopter parent and smothering your kids by having them live with you 😂

DioneTheDiabolist · 06/03/2018 23:26

People send their children to boarding schools for lots of reasons OP, one of those reasons is they love them.

MulanRouge · 06/03/2018 23:26

Porkflute if I had been given the option to board when we moved back home the first time I would have jumped at it. I would have been 9/10. I love visiting my home country now. I did not have a good enough grasp of the written language to cope with school when I was 9. I'd done school in English up to that point. My dad knew his next posting would be London when we moved, I would have been much happier boarding in the uk for those two years than I was trying to get used to a new school, a new country and a language I couldn't write in.

My sister on the other hand would have hated it. We are very different people.

CavoliRiscaldati · 06/03/2018 23:26

Only on MN would you be referred to as a helicopter parent and smothering your kids by having them live with you Hmm
only on MN would people take things completely out of context and come up with bullshit like this.

corythatwas · 06/03/2018 23:28

I have no investment in boarding school, haven't got the money and almost certainly wouldn't have sent mine if I had had it. It's a scenario that's difficult for me to imagine. But almost equally difficult to imagine is the scenario of starting a whole thread on MN for no other purpose than to tell other parents how inferior they are to me.

OP, it's not only the military: it's also diplomats, people who work for charities abroad, for health organisations and similar abroad, business people etc etc. Oh, and probably some people in the merchant navy as well. Are we saying none of all these people should have children at all? Might be difficult to recruit to those jobs in future if so.

DalekDalekDalek · 06/03/2018 23:28

Star for being an amazing parent OP. Is that what you were after when you started this thread?

You are clearly a wonderful parent and anyone who parents differently to you is selfish, cruel and substandard. Well done! (Can you hear the sarcasm or was I being too subtle?)

Theresasmayshoes11 · 06/03/2018 23:28

I think you should listen to other opinions op sbd I say that as s parent who would never consider boarding school.

I fimd it incredibly you havnt seen the other much longer and previously posted thread. You should look.

Pandoraphile · 06/03/2018 23:30

My eldest dd is at boarding school, she's been there years and absolutely loves it. She categorically has stated many times that she wouldn't want to go back to being a day girl (a little too firmly for my maternal heart, but hey ho!).

Younger dd attends a prep school which has a thriving boarding house and she has flat out refused to board at all when offered the opportunity. So she won't go on to a boarding school. She needs to be a day girl. Which is absolutely fine!

Horses for courses.

HTH

scaryteacher · 06/03/2018 23:32

Pork If the OP's life is still revolving around her children when they are teenagers, she's in for a shock, as they will not appreciate it one little bit. You have to start letting go at some stage.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 06/03/2018 23:33

I couldn't. But I wouldn't judge anyone that did. Or start a goady thread on MN asking why some do.

CavoliRiscaldati · 06/03/2018 23:35

Could be worst, we could send them down the mines to earn their keep.

HaroldsSoCalledBluetits · 06/03/2018 23:36

Like lots of things the upper classes do - fox hunting, having household staff, fucking their cousins etc - it is a bit weird, so of course no one's going to explain it in a way that makes sense. Given that, it's an odd thing to start a thread about.

steff13 · 06/03/2018 23:39

Her classmates board because the school is one of only four government funded schools for children with a particular talent.

Is it Hogwarts? Is the talent witchcraft and wizardry? 😊

windchimesabotage · 06/03/2018 23:40

I probably never would... not full time at least. But I actually think flexi boarding is amazing. Not that I could ever afford it... but imagine being able to work and have all that side of life separate from your children so that whenever you saw your children you could devote real energy and attention to them instead of being permanently exhausted with your mind half elsewhere.

However I do think in some situation full boarding is the best option for families. As pp have said families in the military or families who have jobs which take them across many places. Families who have to relocate abroad but dont want to interrupt their childs educations or friendships etc
Also people overseas who think a better education is to be found in certain countries so send their children there to be schooled.

Bellamuerte · 06/03/2018 23:42

If I was able to send my child to an excellent boarding school instead of the local comprehensive, I'd jump at the chance. I'd miss him but he'd have much better opportunities for learning and networking.

TheInvisiblePieceofShit · 06/03/2018 23:48

The military are mostly young in the prime of life- typical age range of people with families. So this lifestyle choice the military make - what is your suggestion OP? Get ridcof sny milutary in our country?
Should we say let's have an army of over 45's sterilised personnel with kids over the age if 16 only or perhaps a better idea - sterilise anyone joining the military ? Hmm

Sometimes in life people lead different lifestyle to you and your family. What they do may not appeal to you but it does not make your way right and thier way wrong.

Ever tried just to be a little open minded?