How can you let your child go to boarding school?

[Jerem]

I’m going to get flamed probably by the people who send their child to boarding school full time ..

But how could you?
How can you let other adults care for your child? Why did you send them away? Why have children and not have them in your home, give them their tea, talk everyday face to face. I don’t understand how anyone could do this. I really don’t.

Anyone care to explain how you can send your child to live elsewhere without you??

[Whatshallidonowpeople]

AND best experience. Strange how you just read the bit that suits

[negunslean]

I didn’t plan to send my children to boarding school, in fact I would rather have them both at home. However we live very rurally with a rubbish comp school. DC found the travelling as day pupils hard and they both wanted to spend more time with their friends but longer holidays with us. They are both mid teens.
Quite frankly I would like nothing better than to have them both at home but I’ve taken into account what they want. They are both happy and thriving, more so than at their local comp.
We are not all monsters that send our children away. I have put my own feelings behind the wishes of my children and judgemental posts like yours just piss me off. Worry about your own family 😡

[Jaguarana]

DH's mother had a chronic serious illness so her DC were sent to weekly boarding school because taking care of several teens was just too much for her.

None of her grandchildren have boarded.

As you can see from the replies to your goady post OP, there are lots of reasons why parents make this decision.

[MulanRouge]

Ok from a different angle.

I am bloody glad my parents sent me to boarding school. The other option was drag me to the other side of the world with them to a country I was born in but had done almost all my school years out of. I only did two years at school there when I was 9/10. It was horrible. I could speak the language, I just didn't have the written skills and the school system I was used to was very different. I would have hated to go back. Boarding let me stay in the uk where I was comfortable. I think I would have had a much worse relationship with my parents if they had made me leave. I can see how the same would be true for military children.

[MaggieFS]

I went to boarding school in the UK as parents lived overseas until I was 15. They always knew at some point they'd end up in the UK and wanted the best possible and most stable education for me. For as long as I can remember, probably from eight or nine years old I always knew it would happen when I turned 11. I was actively involved in the school visits to choose the one and my opinions listened to. I was never overly cuddly close to my parents anyway before that and I don't think school changed anything. Pre mobiles and internet, I treasured the once a month phone calls and the excitement of letters coming in the post.

Once they moved to the UK, and DF's employer stopped paying the fees, I worked my socks off to get a bursary to be able to stay as I loved it.

Not quite answering the OP's question, but to add, I never felt sent away, unloved or uncared for. It was just normal, made me independent, made me manage my own time in the evenings, made me make sure I chose when to do homework vs watch TV. If I had the money, I'd do the same. I don't think I missed out on anything and the opportunities were wide ranging.

[Smokenbubbles]

I went to 3 boarding schools and I would never ever send my baby to boarding school (not that I could possibly afford it). I think it is bad parenting and totally un natural. Unless it's an alternative school that instills free thinking in the kid it's probably quite likely to just make them into insufferable snobs (I know from experience). No yanbu it is paying for other people to raise your children 24/7 and is almost completely elitist. Don't have kids if you don't want to raise them.

[piebarm]

I worked at a boarding school for secondary aged children with learning difficulties and autism

The majority of parents agonised about the decision to 'send their child away' and felt ridiculous amounts of guilt as they felt they had let their child down somehow

-attitudes like yours op are not helpful to these parents who have battled on before sending their child to a boarding school because it's in the child's best interests

[Whatshallidonowpeople]

If you don't want to invest the money then just say so. Don't try to pretend it's for other reasons. You want the money for booze, fags and sky tv, we understand.

[Bluffinwithmymuffin]

Jerem

Lots of parents send their kids to boarding school for lots of different reasons. Lots of kids enjoy boarding school. School holidays are long and fairly frequent, and in most cases are also interspersed with weekend visits, in which to do all the nice, normal, everyday things you describe.

It may not be your thing, but it’s a bit narrow minded and judgmental to project your negative view of boarding school onto parents whose intentions are good and their kids who actually benefit from a boarding experience.

[Batmanwearspants]

My brother went to boarding school. A specialist school for dyslexia - there were no decent ones in the area of the country we lived in. It tore my mum up and she felt guilty about it, but my brother left school with A-levels. Something which wouldn’t have happened if he hadn’t gone there.

[DalekDalekDalek]

Nothing like a good goady OP!

[cinderellawantstogototheball]

What's the point of starting such a goady thread? I bet you'd stop a child in your nursery class from trying to annoy others so childishly.

Obviously it works for some and not for others. My DM went and loathed it. Several of my friends went after actively begging their parents to send them or their parents moving abroad for work and the children wanting to stay in England for school. It's really nothing to do with you and it's really not hard to see that it's up to each family!

[RebelRogue]

@Jerem why are you working? Why have kids if you can't be there to give them breakfast,snack and lunch? Teach them and play with them? Why have kids if you'd rather go to work instead of spending every day with them?
I'd rather eat only toast than miss spending every day with my children while taking care of other people's children.




No not really...but it's the same principle.

[fifipop185]

My DS has SEN and most of the best secondary schools available to him are boarding schools. Thankfully we live local to one so have a chance of getting a place, but what if you aren't local? What if the best school to cater for your DC's special needs is 4 hours drive away? I understand why parents would send DC to boarding school in these circumstances. I personally couldn't and won't...

[cunningartificer]

I went to boarding school as a teenager, and my parents did it to release me from a hideous bullying situation. I loved it. Certainly it wasn’t without challenges, but my goodness you certainly do find out about how to relate to others in a healthy way! I missed my family, but also relished the independence. I don’t think I’d do it at a very young age, but I wouldn’t rule it out. I also got the opportunity to try things I wouldn’t have done at home. Overall it was really positive, but it was only for a fairly short time.

[Jerem]

@Whatshallidonowpeople hang on, you think that anyone who doesn’t spend money to send their child to boarding school doesn’t want to so they can use the money for cigarettes and alcohol as opposed to raising their own children in their HOME because they wanted to and that’s what you’re supposed to do?

I don’t smoke by the way hun.

[StepAwayFromGoogle]

Honestly, I couldn't do it. The only friends I know who went to boarding school were really traumatised by it because they were bullied and at boarding school there's no respite from that. They just wanted to go home to their Mum and Dad. Makes me so sad to think of their childhood selves being that lonely and afraid. I appreciate that's not everyone's experience though.

And @Whatshallidonowpeople - what on earth makes you think that boarding school is the best education and experience they will have?! I personally think that children get a much more rounded understanding of the world at state school rather than surrounded by only the privileged and well off. Unless by 'education' you only mean 'number of A grades' which is an incredibly narrow-minded view.

[LastOneDancing]

I wouldn't want my boys to go to boarding school either but I do understand that people live different lives with different relationships, experiences and challenges.

There's a million ways to be a good parent but no such thing as a perfect one. Just because it's not for us, who are we to judge?

[Certcert]

You don’t know their lives or their reasons as we don’t know yours.

This.

[Certcert]

Just because it's not for us, who are we to judge?

And this

[Jerem]

@RebelRogue I was a SAHM until my children were school age.

Another good try though.

[AnnaT45]

There are lots of reasons why people do this. None of which are your business

[mumofblueeyes]

You have to remember that Boarding has changed massively. The majority of boarders are weekly or flexi boarders. They go home at weekends , for exeats and for nearly half the year (most independent schools have 21 weeks holiday a year). The days of packing your kid off and not seeing them for 6 months have long gone. Plus there is Skype etc. Kids make life long friendships, have incredible experiences and get their Prep done in supervised conditions during the week, leaving weekends for quality family time. Ultimately it is a personal choice for each family. I work in Boarding and most kids love it.

[Jerem]

By the way, incase no one realised.. it’s a public forum. No, no one has to give me an explanation. No one is being forced to. The people commenting are doing so of their own free will so I don’t see what the problem In asking is.