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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How can you let your child go to boarding school?

479 replies

Jerem · 06/03/2018 22:27

I’m going to get flamed probably by the people who send their child to boarding school full time ..

But how could you?
How can you let other adults care for your child? Why did you send them away? Why have children and not have them in your home, give them their tea, talk everyday face to face. I don’t understand how anyone could do this. I really don’t.

Anyone care to explain how you can send your child to live elsewhere without you??

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 06/03/2018 23:08

I would imagine most parents who do this, do it to benefit their child.

PorkFlute · 06/03/2018 23:09

Unless you’re a spectacularly shit parent n child who is still young enough to call you mummy would prioritise their parents salary over living with them!
I don’t doubt a lot of people convince themselves that it is their child’s choice though. But if my child didn’t want to live with me I wouldn’t consider that any kind of badge of honour!

SueDunome · 06/03/2018 23:09

My ds went to boarding school because he wanted to, because he knew it was the right school for him. No other reason. He came home most weekends, but we had to compete with weekend activities!
My dd does not attend boarding school, though we would have given her the opportunity to go if she had wished to.
We made exactly the right decision for both of our children. Yes, it was tough sending ds to school, but I do not regret it for one moment.
When he was at primary school, I could have very easily written your post. I did not foresee it happening but, when the possibility arose and we researched it properly, the opportunities were the right ones for ds. He performed exceptionally academically and also learnt independence and life confidence.
I hope life doesn't throw these surprises at you but, if it does, be ready and I hope you also make the right decision for your child, even if it might not be the right one for you.

Myheartbelongsto · 06/03/2018 23:09

I couldn't do it.

Why have kids then send them away!

Trophy kids.

Nousernameforme · 06/03/2018 23:09

Hmm goady fucked or journo either or not biting.

If it was a genuine question then why didn't you search to see what previous threads have said. Or did you think your question was so creative and original No one would have thought of it before

MulanRouge · 06/03/2018 23:09

Do companies still pay fees for pupils whose parents are relocated? I was funded by my dad's work. This was in the 80s.

CavoliRiscaldati · 06/03/2018 23:10

Why would anyone willingly put themselves on minimum wage instead of earning a good living and would chose to deprive their children from opportunities - education, sport, travel, hobbies- and later financial boost when they need it? Why would anyone do that OP?

How do you let your child go to boarding school? Like anything else, you compare different options and you chose the best for your family. Why do you think.

StepAwayFromGoogle · 06/03/2018 23:11

@scaryteacher, I was actually directing that at a PP who suggested anyone who doesn't send their children away to boarding school was deliberately not giving them the best opportunities in life. I don't think that's fair - state/local education offers a lot of benefits too - they're just different. And the vast majority of kids that go to boarding school are well off, it's disingenuous to say they aren't. The state funded/scholarship provision is tiny. I should know - I used to work in one!

thanksjaneshusbandatcaresouth · 06/03/2018 23:11

“@Jerem lets be honest - as a nursery nurse you are so far away from being able to afford £30k/year/child this isn't ever an 'problem' you'll have to worry about”

See my post above re fear of not being rich.

Frankfurt17 · 06/03/2018 23:12

No different to parents spending most of their time posting crap on MN instead of engaging with their children. Just saying.

Original poster
Jerem · 06/03/2018 23:12

@Theresasmayshoes11 TAAT? No actually. I haven’t even read another read in relation to boarding schools.

OP posts:
zenasfuck · 06/03/2018 23:13

My DS boards. I’d tell you my reasons but quite frankly can’t be bothered to justify myself to you or to challenge your ignorance

thanksjaneshusbandatcaresouth · 06/03/2018 23:13

It’s different post 16 also...

StepAwayFromGoogle · 06/03/2018 23:15

@Frankfurt17 - your children are still up at 11:15pm to be engaged with?!

Mybrows · 06/03/2018 23:15

People like you who are so invested in trying to tear other people down just make me feel sad for you, OP. What is it that you're so insecure about or so unhappy about in your own life that you want to try to make other (completely unknown) parents feel judged or scorned for their life decisions? What happened to make you so narrow minded and unkind?

Personally I think that most people make what they believe are the best choices for their families, and just because going to boarding school (or a mosque, or an all inclusive package holiday or martial arts classes) is not necessarily right for my children it doesn't mean that I'M right and anyone who makes alternative decisions is wrong.

This may be a 'public forum' but you're not being curious and questioning - you are being judgmental and subsequently quite aggressive and sneering. I hope that you use some of that precious time with your child that you value so much to teach them that this - what you're doing here - is not a nice way to behave.

Theresasmayshoes11 · 06/03/2018 23:15

There’s one now about sending a 9 year old to board! You must have seen it.

froggiemoggie · 06/03/2018 23:16

Oh my goodness it would break my heart if I didn't see my DD everyday. She is only 2, but I can't see that ever changing

Original poster
Jerem · 06/03/2018 23:16

@thanksjaneshusbandatcaresouth I agree with you.

Also, I don’t give a shit if I could afford £30k fees or not. I had my children to raise them myself. My life revolves around my children. Not the children have to go boarding school to fit my life. That’s a selfish expectation of a CHILD.

you sound like a massive snob by the way. It’s almost like you’re implying if you’re wealthy you must spend £30k a year on schooling as a declaration of wealth. Rather than display your parenting without the use of money Wink

OP posts:
AlexanderHamilton · 06/03/2018 23:17

Dd is a day student. Her classmates board because the school is one of only four government funded schools for children with a particular talent.

Yarboosucks · 06/03/2018 23:17

Slam dunk Mybrows!

FenwickFan · 06/03/2018 23:18

Watch this. Both DSs begged to go to boarding schools since age 8, but I am selfish and don't want to send them away because I would miss them. I think it's a wonderful experience for a right kind of child.

MulanRouge · 06/03/2018 23:18

Jerem, please actually read the posts.

Sometimes circumstances mean boarding is the best thing for the child. It isn't about what's best for you. It's about what's best for the child.

Best for my parents would have been I moved abroad again with them. Best for me was to stay and board.

I am bloody glad my parents were more open minded and willing to prioritise my needs over theirs than some on this thread.

Theresasmayshoes11 · 06/03/2018 23:19

169 posts op and started before yours.

FWIW I couldn’t either. But it’s still a TAAT

scaryteacher · 06/03/2018 23:19

Step Sexeys or Symonds? The parents are well off, not the kids, and it took most of my salary as a,state school teacher to pay for private prep even for day fees. Ironically, it was the only way to get the childcare hours I needed to teach, as dh was posted elsewhere in the UK, and then abroad.

newmummycwharf1 · 06/03/2018 23:19

@jerem - horses for courses. You would rather be on minimum wage and raise your kids in abject poverty than send them to boarding school. Ridiculous and judgemental thread

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