How can you let your child go to boarding school?

[Jerem]

I’m going to get flamed probably by the people who send their child to boarding school full time ..

But how could you?
How can you let other adults care for your child? Why did you send them away? Why have children and not have them in your home, give them their tea, talk everyday face to face. I don’t understand how anyone could do this. I really don’t.

Anyone care to explain how you can send your child to live elsewhere without you??

[BMW6]

Actually two of my nieces are mad keen to go to boarding school. It isn't possible ATM but if they want to go and their parents can afford it why on earth would they be denied?
BTW although their parents are high earners they are most definitely not upper class. Both come from working class and did very well after University education.

[FluffyWuffy100]

you sound like a massive snob by the way. It’s almost like you’re implying if you’re wealthy you must spend £30k a year on schooling as a declaration of wealth. Rather than display your parenting without the use of money

Not really. I'm implying that this really is a decision very few people will ever have to worry about. The hand wringing about how you would ever be able to cope - well, good news, you don't have to.

There is a tiny % of people in the UK who can afford boarding fees. I mean really, how many families do you know who can afford to splash out £70k per year (for at least 10 years) of their after tax income on education for 2 children? Virtually no one.

No way would I be able to pay for boarding provision. Would love to be able to offer that opportunity if it was right for my children, but it will not be in reach for me.

[willstarttomorrow]

Well it is not one size fits all is it. I yearned to go to boarding school as a child. My parents were distant and emotionally abusive to some extent. I would have done far better away from them.
DD is eligible for boarding school (with funding) due to our family circumstances but it would not suit her, she would hate it and I do not want her to go (most of the time).
I work with very disadvantaged young children a few of whom I believe would flourish is a good boarding school. However there is no funding for them despite the massive costs paid out in other ways.

[FluffyWuffy100]

I work with very disadvantaged young children a few of whom I believe would flourish is a good boarding school. However there is no funding for them despite the massive costs paid out in other ways.

@willstarttomorrow Christs Hospital might be an option

[acquiesce]

I agree OP, there’s more to life than education / these mobile jobs that everyone seems to have
Why have kids so someone else can raise them? There’s plenty of good schools where kids go home at the end of the day. Go private if you desperately need to throw money at your child’s schooling.

[diodati]

My XH went to boarding school because it was what his father had done and his grandfather. Public school and all that. Meet the "right" people, get an excellent education, blah, blah, blah. It seems outdated now but maybe it isn't.

[CallYourDadYoureInACult]

Does this antipathy towards boarding partially stem from the fact that perhaps the OP could not afford it herself? Or rather, thinks she can’t.

Is is just private or is state boarding as bad?

And OP do you actually know anyone in real like who has children who board?

[CallYourDadYoureInACult]

willstart

[StorminaBcup]

If parent(s) are in the military or very mobile jobs which can involve relocation frequently (including overseas relocation), being at a boarding school can give children stability and the chance to form friendships

100% true for me! I went to boarding school for this very reason and I loved being there. As a child it’s exhausting having constant changes to your friendship groups as people move around and especially upsetting when your best friend moves on. Boarding school gave me stability at a crucial age (11-18).

[CallYourDadYoureInACult]

Sorry - pressed too soon! have you looked at the state boarding association? There are some schools that do boarding that take looked after children.

[scaryteacher]

TheInvisible Ds was 11 when dh was 45, so prime boarding age. We were posted abroad and took ds with us. It cost the taxpayer far more to fund his education at an International school than it would have done had he gone to board, but he was at home, well, in a Married Quarter anyway. I gave up my hard won career to do that, so no wage at all.

[FireCrotch]

I completely agree op. Boarding schools should be called 'Your Pretentious Parents Hate You and Find you Boring school'.
What am I saying? I cannot lie any longer. I would send all my 3 in a heartbeat. I would love some peace, quiet and privacy non silent shagging and the opportunity to use the toilet without one of them demanding i hurry up.
Be honest op. You dont actually care do you? I mean really, whats it to you? As long as parents are keeping their offspring fed, watered, clothed, warm/cool (we do have posters from baking hot countries on here) , sheltered and above all loved then genuinely I couldnt give a rabid badgers left one how people school their kids.

[DisgraceToTheYChromosome]

Boarding school, at least in my case, is a very good way of turning a shy awkward child into a very unhappy and frankly dangerous adult. DW and my SILs are saints, although DB3 was, in the end, simply too badly damaged.
Your mileage may vary.

[gillybeanz]

My dd boards because she can, she's ace and I'm in awe of her.
I'm quite poor, she's probably going to be rich doing the one thing she loves more than anything.
Social mobility and a future OP, and assurances to you and other taxpayers that she's trying her best.
There are several groups of children who are supported through a boarding education.
You should educate yourself rather than spouting shit.

[Namesarehard]

I don't agree with this argument about jobs. If parents can afford to send their child to boarding school then they can afford for one parent not to work so their child can live at home. Primary school children especially shouldn't be sent away. It's terrible. Sending a young child away will never be in their best interests. Leave them have a proper childhood and sleep in their own beds every night not in some expensive building somewhere. One childhood they have. Once it's gone it's gone.

[Namesarehard]

Greenlanes I've just read your comment and I'm disgusted. They've essentially removed your child from your care. I'm lost for words on that one. That's awful. Surley you can fight that? Bastards.

[blastomama]

The idea that the teaching is any better than a state school is bollocks

It's not.

I have friends whose dd got a scholarship to an amazing boarding school, which gives her opportunities she could never dream of in her local school. She is incredibly happy and her parent sacrifice a lot to make her so.

That good enough for you?

[Smokenbubbles]

Putting your CHILD away from you for long periods of time is in the long run very damaging for your child and the type of person they end up being, eg: find relationships hard and are cold and care only about themselves because un-naturally they had to from such a young age. You only need to look at politicians to see the effects. No 'better opportunities' make up for a lifetime of lost family time and psychological effects. I never stayed in one long but I met some very cold cut off children in them and it wasn't hard to see why.

[eeanne]

I wanted to go to boarding school very badly but my parents refused. My younger cousin went and had the time of his life, he’s still close to his parents too.

[starbrightnight]

I was sent to boarding school at eight for no reason I can see other than that children didn't fit in with my parents narcissistic and self-obsessed lifestyle.

[bigfatbuddha]

I read that some people say that boarding is better than being dragged to all kinds of different countries. I was one of those kids who lived in different countries with my parents and I loved it! It gave me a better understanding of the world and a sense of adventure. My parents gave me the option of boarding but I hated the idea. I loved being with my parents and didn't want to spend so much time without them. I have become a very independent person as an adult so I didn't need boarding school for that.

I'm not saying that boarding is wrong, but it's not great for everyone either.

[blastomama]

Putting your CHILD away from you for long periods of time is in the long run very damaging for your child and the type of person they end up being, eg: find relationships hard and are cold and care only about themselves because un-naturally they had to from such a young age

Purest bollocks. Your qualifications to tell us all what damages children, please?

[Anythingforacatslife]

My ds goes to a vocational dance school, one of only four in England and the majority of pupils a these schools are boarders. They are there because they are pursuing a specialist education and eventual career and they simply couldn’t achieve this without places at these schools. You could not meet a more focused and driven group of young people and supportive parents behind them. I wish we were lucky enough to live close enough to one of them so he could be a day pupil but the school run is currently a round trip of about 400 miles so not really practical.

[TattyDevine]

It can make sense. Military, global jobs that move around, and rich farmers in isolated parts of Australia and equivalent (that's where I'm from and it was better that school of the air).

But there are some circs here in the uk where kids are sent an hour or so away where you think hmmm, it takes the school run and homework thing away and they get the education you think they deserve that you can afford ...then it makes even more sense! Ha. I'm kidding because I wouldn't do it but if your local schools were shite and they were really good at sport or music...

Gosh. I'm more fair minded than I wanted to be there ...

But no I wouldn't but I'm thinking no judgement. I think a lot of parents judge because the knee jerk reaction is "oh shoukd I somehow be doing this?" (Not all)