How can you let your child go to boarding school?

[Jerem]

I’m going to get flamed probably by the people who send their child to boarding school full time ..

But how could you?
How can you let other adults care for your child? Why did you send them away? Why have children and not have them in your home, give them their tea, talk everyday face to face. I don’t understand how anyone could do this. I really don’t.

Anyone care to explain how you can send your child to live elsewhere without you??

[12stepCAKE]

My DH went to boarding school but not in the UK. His home country. He said it was the best part of his childhood. He came from an abusive family. father a gambler. Lost the family land house and money and practically starved the kids. Beat his mother. He only went to boarding school because it was a perk from his father's job, government funded. His dad worked in a government role but not high up. But at the time this was a perk for most government roles. Quite possibly saved my DHs life growing up

[TheLadyAnneNeville]

I went to boarding school aged 10 because I was good at something and got a scholarship. I was terribly homesick. But I loved what I was doing so there were compensations.

[Waveysnail]

But really weekboarders at secondary level - do they miss out on family life? Most time its parents come in from.work, dinner, homework, possible activity and bed.

[Mostlylurkingiam]

You have no interest in understanding though do you, you refuse to see that other people's lives are different. I went to boarding school for a few years and loved it, my family life was a bit rubbish and I got better opportunities there. Lots of families have a need for boarding school and it fits with them. I find it bizarre that you don't think job/career is important, growing up worrying about every penny is not a great environment either!

[pointyshoes]

Jerem:“How can you let other adults care for your child”

Since you are a nursery nurse, presumably you spend time caring for other people’s children. Do you question why people let you do this, particularly if you are looking after babies/very young children. Luckily not everyone is quite as narrow minded

[WriteronaMission]

I wanted to go. My parents supported that and found a way. No regrets here.

I wouldn't force my child to go but if they asked to go, I'd give them that opportunity.

[Sugartitss]

I agree op. Imagine their little faces saying goodbye, and how they’d feel being left there with strangers. Ah fuck, no.

[iolaus]

I didn't go - but it was considered when I was in my teens, my dad was in the military and if he hadn't come out when he did (I was 13) I would have gone to boarding school for my GCSE and A level years (year 9 up) so I didn't have to change schools mid course. DH did change schools half way through his GCSEs (for same reason) and he said it did massively affect grades etc

[Sh05]

I just realised what you mean by Zombie! 🤭

[Thingsdogetbetter]

Zombie!

[Sh05]

My oh and I both went to a boarding school, he was a day boarder for the most of it, I was full time boarding. Both were specialist high schools/ colleges so only from yr 7.
One of my sister's followed for her final years and one didn't although she wanted to.
I did consider sending my own eldest dd to the same boarding school but a similar day school hAs opened near us so didn't have to.
Those 5 years were some of the best of my life, the friendships, experiences and relationships with fellow boarders/teachers/ carers/ staff are lifelong.
Not everyone who was there will be able to say the same of their time there, but for me it was the best joint decision we made.
The friends became like family, the teachers and staff also like family and I know many many others who feel the same.
We are still in contact, we visit often, we fundraise if the need arises and we have all attended the many reunions throughout the years

[ConkerGame]

OP you sound incredibly closed-minded. Can you really not fathom that every family is different and that people have different personalities, values, priorities and circumstances? Most of the top successful people in this country went to boarding school. Lots of parents are happy to sacrifice time with their children to give them better opportunities in life. Maybe ask yourself why you wouldn’t be willing to do that?

Every child is different. Some would hate boarding school, others would thrive there and become independent, driven and with a tight-knit friendship group. Surely it’s up to the parents to decide which type of school would benefit their kids most?

I didn’t go to boarding school and I don’t have kids at one but I’m intelligent enough to realise different things work best for differently families.

How would you feel if someone started a thread that said “I just don’t understand how anyone with kids can do a low-paid job! How can they deny their children the best start in life by having such little money?!”

[funinthesun19]

Oh shit just realised it’s a Zombie. Never mind.

[funinthesun19]

I understand people choosing boarding school because of their job and travelling around all over the place. It saves the child from changing schools all the time.

If it’s just because the parents are rich, work is in one place and they want a child free life, I’d be thinking why on earth did you have children?

[nothingcomestonothing]

ZOMBIE!

[Chanelprincess]

All my friends who are the same age but from different public schools seem to know it!

Absolutely true - it's the public school 'network' and it's worked very well for me over my lifetime, in many different ways. Same is true for DH, particularly in terms of his career progression.

[yolofish]

aw thanks gilly! that is very kind of you to say that, I know it is a contentious debate.

[gillybeanz]

hello, have been at work so just popped in to say I wholeheartedly agree with yolo who has made some very interesting points.
It's because of people like yolo that I was determined to make sure I'd thought of the future impact on dd, and I did lots of research, not just her school but reading past accounts.
Yes, I could determine certain issues that just wouldn't occur now as it's so much different, but even looking at all scenarios I can't put hand on heart and know she won't be affected in later life, for good as well as bad.
You can't possibly know, or be 100% sure, you just have to go with the information you have and constantly assess.
For me it's not being complacent and I welcome people saying have you considered xyz, because the majority of the time I have, but on the odd occasion I haven't, I'd be doing my dd a huge disservice if I at least didn't listen to other views.
Apart from the "why did you have kids" comments, this thread has been very thoughtful.

[yolofish]

YES carryon. Because people are doing it with the best intentions - and for some it will be brilliant because it allows them to achieve to full potential. For others it will be brilliant because it removes them from a less than good situation. But for I would suggest for most, who neither have a special talent nor an abusive home life, boarding has the potential for huge damage, but parents wont necessarily see it, either because the child doesnt want to upset the parent or because the damage doesnt emerge til later in life. Some in this group will be lucky and sail through, others wont. But no one knows which is which until it is too late.

[carryondoctor]

I think the other thing, yolo, is that everybody wants to do the best for their kids. So of course they are going to focus on them enjoying it. Nobody wants to make their child miserable after all!

[yolofish]

and yes, I know, could have been Mummy's job too before someone tells me I'm sexist....

[yolofish]

carryon that post made me laugh!! its inconceivable to me that someone who went to private/public school, whether boarding or not, cant recognise someone else who did the same. After all, that's what (some/many) parents are paying for...

The trouble, for me, with boarding school threads is just this: people are posting about how much their child loves it NOW. And for me, and many others on the thread in relationships, is that we might have quite liked it, had a lot of fun, didnt mind it too much etc etc, is that actually when you are a child you dont realise what you are missing out on and that comes out to hit you when you are older - and perhaps typically when your own children reach the age you were when you went (either of your own will, like you know that at 10-13, or because Daddy's job required it).

[carryondoctor]

Oooh, even a patronising "love"!

No idea why you're being so defensive. If you really haven't noticed that there are certain giveaways when someone went to public school, then you're being a blind ostrich swimming in that Egyptian river.

It's not that nobody else can understand them or that people who've been to public school can't talk to anyone else. That's a VERY weird way to take it. It's not that I didn't understand the jokes. It's that the lads I met from harrow and eton and Bedford, for example, all knew the same jokes already. They also had very similar stories about lessons, fellow pupils, teachers, and had often met before playing sport. It's what came out when they were together.

And if you work in certain careers, you see it all over again in the boardroom/barrister's chambers/banking hall many years later. Christ, that's partly what the parents paid for!

I happen to think public school is a really good thing if you're lucky enough to go. It's all about choice though and other people are entitled to think it sounds awful. But if you're telling yourself that your precious moppets just blend in with da localz and nobody would know you'd sent them to a posh school, then you just carry on kidding yourself, "love"!