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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My friend didn’t tell me she was pregnant

217 replies

Ilovemycat2018 · 15/02/2018 16:21

I name changed as this may be outing.

I was hosting a little get together at my house for a particular circle of friends. We’ve all known each other for 10 years and have (what I thought) was a fairly even relationship. Anyway my friends all turned up at the same time and I opened the door to one of the group very heavily pregnant.

I was gobsmacked! Turns out she’s about 7 1/2 months pregnant (has had no issues so far) through the evening it transpired that the others seemed to have all known about it.

I’m deeply upset by this.

AIBU to think this is odd behaviour and to feel really left out? We’ve spoken on the phone and exchanged texts recently. But I feel like she’s punishing me for not going to see her for a few months (she lives at the other end of the country). I feel like an idiot and not her proper friend and I feel like I cannot be bothered with her anymore.

It was also my housewarming and I feel like she’s stolen my thunder a little bit - but I know that’s a bit pathetic x

OP posts:
Crispbutty · 15/02/2018 16:24

Did she think you knew? Was she saving it as a surprise for when she visited? I hardly think she's stealing any thunder if the others already knew anyway though.

FabulouslyFab · 15/02/2018 16:25

I think I would have been hurt as well but for the sake of your group friendship just let it go.

Original poster
Ilovemycat2018 · 15/02/2018 16:25

Crispbutty She told the others not to tell me (don’t know why)

OP posts:
itsmeimcathyivecomehome · 15/02/2018 16:25

Maybe she just wanted to surprise you in person? I did that with one of my best friends - didn't see her until I was 6 months gone as she'd been travelling. Her face was a picture.

If not that, is there any reason why she might not have wanted to tell you earlier, being honest with yourself?

If not THAT, then yeah, it seems a bit weird to tell others and not you!

McDougalMcPhee · 15/02/2018 16:26

i had one of these, although mine was a friend who i used to go out for a weekly drink for, she kept cancelling, and then 'driving' and then eventually told me

i thought we were close friends, obviously not.... she then ghosted me - but her loss

itsmeimcathyivecomehome · 15/02/2018 16:26

Hmm sorry just seen the not visiting her comment - does she have form for that sort of "punishment"?

Original poster
Ilovemycat2018 · 15/02/2018 16:26

itsmeimcathyivecomehome I thought that too but she had told the others over the phone...

OP posts:
McDougalMcPhee · 15/02/2018 16:27

oh mine was a bit different,... but it still hurt

Teenytinyvoice · 15/02/2018 16:27

With my second Dc I told very few ppl unless I saw them in person in a context that made it relevant. I’d had a very recent pregnancy loss, my mental health was shot to shit, I was very miserable.

It’s very probably not about you!

Doilooklikeatourist · 15/02/2018 16:27

Could you not have been pleased for her and said “ oh , what a lovely surprise “

Teenytinyvoice · 15/02/2018 16:28

Cross post... that is odd!

SundaySalon · 15/02/2018 16:28

Did you ask her why she didn’t tell you? I think it’s really odd that she told them not to tell you. Is there any other reason she may not have said something? Are you TTC? (Grasping at straws). She sounds petty.

Original poster
Ilovemycat2018 · 15/02/2018 16:28

itsmeimcathyivecomehome Well she didn’t speak to me for months after her wedding because I couldn’t for a lunch the day after. she does with hold info quite a bit, she likes to arrange things and not let you know who’s coming.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ilovemycat2018 · 15/02/2018 16:29

Doilooklikeatourist I was pleased for her and did not show how upset I was.

OP posts:
SummerRoberts · 15/02/2018 16:29

One of my friends had a mutual friend tell me she's pregnant. This is because she knows I've been TTC for what feels like ever and have had a MC. She felt really awkward about telling me and didn't want me to have to fake being happy for her when she knew I'd likely want to have a little cry. I really appreciated that from her. It couldn't be something like that could it?

Original poster
Ilovemycat2018 · 15/02/2018 16:29

SundaySalon No I felt too stupid to ask her.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ilovemycat2018 · 15/02/2018 16:30

SundaySalon No I am TTC but that’s private between me and my husband - we are keeping it a secret from everyone x

OP posts:
FilledSoda · 15/02/2018 16:31

She told your other friends not to tell you, wtf is that about ?
Did they not wonder why ?

SundaySalon · 15/02/2018 16:32

Can you drop her text? Just say you’re really happy for her, hope the pregnancy is going well. Then just say you were shocked that she had managed to keep it a secret?

Original poster
Ilovemycat2018 · 15/02/2018 16:34

SundaySalon I’ve already told her how fantastic it all is and congratulations. But now I’m angry at her. I actually think I don’t want to see her again. She’s a weirdo

OP posts:
headhurtstoomuch · 15/02/2018 16:34

What reason did she give your mutual friends to not tell you?

Original poster
Ilovemycat2018 · 15/02/2018 16:35

FilledSoda Bizarre isn’t it. One of them spoke to me and said they thought it was strange. I think she trying to punish me for being a crap friend.

OP posts:
DenPerry · 15/02/2018 16:35

Hmm it is a bit odd if everyone else knew. I didn't tell hardly anyone I was pregnant the second time (just immediate family really), just posted a pic with baby on social media which got a lot of shocked replies Grin But in your case she seems to have just missed out you. Have you had fertility problems? Clutching at straws!

Original poster
Ilovemycat2018 · 15/02/2018 16:35

headhurtstoomuch She just told them she wanted to tell me - but she didn’t. I think she wanted me to feel bad

OP posts:
Chocolatesaveslives · 15/02/2018 16:36

If you've asked her how she is and what's going on in her life etc during the times you've chatted and caught up over text and she's deliberately kept it from you then that is odd and I can't work out why she wouldn't tell you.