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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

My friend didn’t tell me she was pregnant

217 replies

Ilovemycat2018 · 15/02/2018 16:21

I name changed as this may be outing.

I was hosting a little get together at my house for a particular circle of friends. We’ve all known each other for 10 years and have (what I thought) was a fairly even relationship. Anyway my friends all turned up at the same time and I opened the door to one of the group very heavily pregnant.

I was gobsmacked! Turns out she’s about 7 1/2 months pregnant (has had no issues so far) through the evening it transpired that the others seemed to have all known about it.

I’m deeply upset by this.

AIBU to think this is odd behaviour and to feel really left out? We’ve spoken on the phone and exchanged texts recently. But I feel like she’s punishing me for not going to see her for a few months (she lives at the other end of the country). I feel like an idiot and not her proper friend and I feel like I cannot be bothered with her anymore.

It was also my housewarming and I feel like she’s stolen my thunder a little bit - but I know that’s a bit pathetic x

OP posts:

BringMeSunshine0 · 15/02/2018 16:56

I would be upset/angry about that too. I wouldn't be surprised if she held the news back just so she could make you feel bad about not seeing her.

I had a similar situation where my friend didn't tell me until she was about 6-7 months pregnant and her reason was because she "didn't want to do it over the phone / by text". I live about 5 hours away so seeing each other doesn't come round all that often. I was a bit hurt. All of my other friends knew and hadn't told me too.

When the baby was born she didn't tell me either. I no longer class her as a friend as she just disappeared off my radar.

Eliza9917 · 15/02/2018 16:56

Ask her outright in a group whatsapp message then fuck her off. She doesn't sound all there tbh.

specialsubject · 15/02/2018 16:58

Stolen your thunder?

Are you 12?

Original poster

Ilovemycat2018 · 15/02/2018 16:59

OutyMcOutface That’s of course fine but she told our other friends

OP posts:

Original poster

Ilovemycat2018 · 15/02/2018 17:00

ittakes2 It’s not I’m just upset. And hate being centre of attention.

OP posts:

Original poster

Ilovemycat2018 · 15/02/2018 17:01

BringMeSunshine0 thanks for your message. Sounds just like what’s gone on with us

OP posts:

StillSadAboutDrGreene · 15/02/2018 17:01

You hate being the centre of attention but are pissed off that her impending child stole the thunder of your housewarming?
Pull the other one.

CotswoldStrife · 15/02/2018 17:01

A friend who lives at the other end of the country travelled to a housewarming party? That was quite a trip, does she come up to see you often (obviously not within the last few months!)

Was this party planned for a while? Did she know she would see you at some point during the pregnancy?

Original poster

Ilovemycat2018 · 15/02/2018 17:02

specialsubject I realise it’s stupid and makes me sound 12. I’m just feeling a bit sad and a bit paranoid.

OP posts:

JackieReacher · 15/02/2018 17:03

I think that (like someone upthread has said) it's a bit of a thing now not to release grand announcements and shout about it - the antidote to reveal parties and mememememe. My cousin posted a photo of his very pregnant wife on FB and it was clear that even people in their city were surprised by the news. They topped it by then posting pictures of the twins a while later. I thought it was pretty classy actually. The fact that she didn't phone you to tell you isn't in itself odd. Asking people to withhold the information from you however IS and that's what you should be asking about.
"Stealing thunder" from a housewarming is pish.

LongDivision · 15/02/2018 17:04

I suspect she got upset when she realised you weren't as close friends as she had originally thought. Hence she tried to 'punish' you, show you that she wasn't hurt, by not telling you about the pregnancy. If you really like her, try to call it a draw and get over it.

Original poster

Ilovemycat2018 · 15/02/2018 17:05

specialsubject TBH it wasn’t a proper house warming party (there was only 5 of us there) I was just using that as an excuse to get us all together because I missed them. If I had known she was heavily pregnant I would have gone to see her.

OP posts:

Valentinesfart · 15/02/2018 17:05

It's a bit off that everyone else knew but I can't see how she stole your thunder. What was she meant to do carry around a house plant all evening?

Tawdrylocalbrouhaha · 15/02/2018 17:09

It's pretty odd behaviour.

But what is also odd, if all the other friends knew about it, is that none of them mentioned it to you, or discussed it casually while you were present? With my friends there is literally no way someone's pregnancy would go unmentioned unless NOBODY knew.

StillSadAboutDrGreene · 15/02/2018 17:10

It's pretty odd behaviour

from the OP yeah not the friend.

mimibunz · 15/02/2018 17:10

She certainly had an agenda. The question is, is she worth the games?

ilovesooty · 15/02/2018 17:11

Well if you can't explore the fact with her that you simply don't believe her just sever the friendship with her. You can hardly maintain a friendship with someone you think is a liar can you?

Original poster

Ilovemycat2018 · 15/02/2018 17:11

*StillSadAboutDrGreene

You hate being the centre of attention but are pissed off that her impending child stole the thunder of your housewarming?
Pull the other one.

I wish I hadn’t mentioned the stupid housewarming. It wasn’t a proper housewarming It was just an excuse to get us all together (5 of us there in total) as we hadn’t seen each other in ages. I suppose the reason why I thought she was trying to steal my thunder (not that I care about my stupid house) because the last conversation we had was I was telling her about moving in then she got really angry and said she doesn’t get how people can afford houses unless they have had help from thier parents. I didn’t respond but moved the conversation onto a different topic.

OP posts:

Aeroflotgirl · 15/02/2018 17:11

Do you have any infertility issues, or are trying and its not working, mabey she wanted to keep quiet just in case. Do her other friends see her more often, as in they are closer geographically.

Original poster

Ilovemycat2018 · 15/02/2018 17:12

StillSadAboutDrGreene

*It's pretty odd behaviour

from the OP yeah not the friend.* honestly why is it odd behaviour from me? I’ve been lovely to her and I’ve not let on how hurt I am

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Original poster

Ilovemycat2018 · 15/02/2018 17:13

Aeroflotgirl No issues. Friends live further away

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Aeroflotgirl · 15/02/2018 17:16

Oh dear, it does seem odd, and like she's left you out deliberately.

Original poster

Ilovemycat2018 · 15/02/2018 17:17

Aeroflotgirl I think she has. Perhaps I’m a shit friend and derserve it x

OP posts:

SM2132 · 15/02/2018 17:17

I think it is a dig to make you feel foolish that everybody knew but you. Like you say, to punish you for not keeping in touch more! I couldn't be bothered with someone like that in my life. Don't worry about her-she sounds like an attention seeker.

sirlee66 · 15/02/2018 17:17

Did she tell everyone else face to face? Because then maybe she was just waiting to see you face to face also.

If she text/rung/emailed the others then you're right to be a bit miffed about it!

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