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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My friend didn’t tell me she was pregnant

217 replies

Ilovemycat2018 · 15/02/2018 16:21

I name changed as this may be outing.

I was hosting a little get together at my house for a particular circle of friends. We’ve all known each other for 10 years and have (what I thought) was a fairly even relationship. Anyway my friends all turned up at the same time and I opened the door to one of the group very heavily pregnant.

I was gobsmacked! Turns out she’s about 7 1/2 months pregnant (has had no issues so far) through the evening it transpired that the others seemed to have all known about it.

I’m deeply upset by this.

AIBU to think this is odd behaviour and to feel really left out? We’ve spoken on the phone and exchanged texts recently. But I feel like she’s punishing me for not going to see her for a few months (she lives at the other end of the country). I feel like an idiot and not her proper friend and I feel like I cannot be bothered with her anymore.

It was also my housewarming and I feel like she’s stolen my thunder a little bit - but I know that’s a bit pathetic x

OP posts:
PancakeInMaBelly · 15/02/2018 17:52

She told people as she saw them in person
She saw your other friends before she saw you. If she had seen you sooner she would have told you sooner.
And now you dont want to be friends with her any more? Get a grip!

aaaaargghhhhelpme · 15/02/2018 17:52

Pancake - the op has already said she rang the other friends to tell them. She didn't wait to tell them in person

She also told them not to tell the op

HarveyKietelRabbit · 15/02/2018 17:53

She stole your thunder? You had a few friends round your house, it wasn't your wedding day!

Original poster
Ilovemycat2018 · 15/02/2018 17:54

danTDM Thank you. I do feel like the worlds biggest fool.

OP posts:
danTDM · 15/02/2018 17:55

Take away for a minute the fact it's a pregnancy, what if it was, I don't know, an engagement or a lottery win or a move abroad for a year next month, something she told everyone but not OP?

Original poster
Ilovemycat2018 · 15/02/2018 17:55

HarveyKietelRabbit I’ve addressed this have a look a previous posts if you’re interstested on not whatever 😂

OP posts:
PancakeInMaBelly · 15/02/2018 17:55

Crispbutty She told the others not to tell me (don’t know why)

Because she wanted to tell you herself? Why is this not your first conclusion?

Original poster
Ilovemycat2018 · 15/02/2018 17:56

danTDM Funny you say this! I’ve just had a call from my other (normal) friend and apparently she’s moving cities now (pregnant friend)

OP posts:
Original poster
Ilovemycat2018 · 15/02/2018 17:57

PancakeInMaBelly then why didn’t she tell me when we spoke?

OP posts:
aaaaargghhhhelpme · 15/02/2018 17:57

Pancake - if she wanted to tell the op herself why didn't she do so at the same time as all the other friends? She rang them all up. Why not the op

PancakeInMaBelly · 15/02/2018 17:58

Pancake - the op has already said she rang the other friends to tell them.

Still 1:1 though innit?
Did the OP call or just message/text. Maybe she was waiting to actually SPEAK to people if not seeing them in person.

PancakeInMaBelly · 15/02/2018 17:59

PancakeInMaBelly then why didn’t she tell me when we spoke?

Did you actually SPEAK like on the phone/video call? Or just message.

aaaaargghhhhelpme · 15/02/2018 17:59

Pancake - again. The op has said she spoke on the phone to her. In the same way as the pregnant woman spoke to other friends. what's the difference? Why couldn't she tell her over the phone as she did every one else?

Original poster
Ilovemycat2018 · 15/02/2018 17:59

PancakeInMaBelly I’ve had numerous long chats on the phone with her for the past few months and last saw her when she would have been three months. I visited her in London to stay with her for a few days.

OP posts:
Charolais · 15/02/2018 18:01

I can understand how you feel. We had a similar situation.

Years ago my husband was in business with his brother and his wife and saw his brother everyday - this was in 1986. His wife was in her early 40’s at the time. One day I had to drop something off at their house and saw a huge banner across the hall saying “Congratulations Shirley” (Not her real name). My BIL, home alone, told me it was because she had got a new job and her friends had taken her out to lunch to celebrate. I thought it odd to make such a fuss because the job was only two or three hours an evening - two evenings a week and temporary.

We lived on the same farm near a very small town. People kept saying odd things to us that didn’t make sense at the time. Something about baby boomers having babies and “Don’t tell Shirley I said that”. One friend, who hated Shirley, called me (just after the banner thing) and said she heard Shirley was pregnant. I told her she wasn’t and it could only be small town gossip.

When BIL announced the pregnancy to us she was 6 or 7 months along and we realized everybody in the town had known expect for us. We were lied to and never found out why.

There was much more shit they pulled including Shirley embezzling from the business.

We bought them out shortly after she gave birth and they moved far away and now they want to come back here, to our farm, to retire and I said 'NOT HAPPENING’. We are friendly to them but don’t trust them - for some reason.

Original poster
Ilovemycat2018 · 15/02/2018 18:01

Actually no she may have been 1-2 months I think whenI saw her

OP posts:
danTDM · 15/02/2018 18:02

Friend share big news don't they!? Otherwise they're not friends!

Don't worry OP it is truly odd behaviour and will seem fine in time.

Dreading the actual birth announcement for you though, the possibilities of being last to know/control of group are endless!! Grin

Charolais · 15/02/2018 18:03
  • I must add that Shirley was obese and I couldn't tell she was pregnant. It looked like she had gained more weight around the middle.
Original poster
Ilovemycat2018 · 15/02/2018 18:03

Charolais Gosh that’s a weird story!!!!

It’s mad because I would have been absolutely overjoyed at her news. I just don’t get why she didn’t tell m

OP posts:
PancakeInMaBelly · 15/02/2018 18:03

Okay. Still think it sounds like she just wanted her "moment"

Its horrible when other people break news that you only get to break once. You shouldnt HAVE to tell people not to tell that you wanna do it yourself but unfortunately you do! and then they tell people anyway just tell them to pretend to you that they didnt know

Maybe Im just bitter cause my news was broken in my absense..

Original poster
Ilovemycat2018 · 15/02/2018 18:05

PancakeInMaBelly Yeah perhaps it’s just really odd. Why did she want that surprise moment with me and no one else?

OP posts:
SparkleFizz · 15/02/2018 18:07

I can understand not wanting to mention a pregnancy if there’s worries over losing it, or if you were having troubles of whatever sort and she didn’t want to make conversations all about herself. Although even in those scenarios, some sort of mention before turning up heavily pregnant might have been expected.

But it’s very very odd if she’s told all your mutual friends but not you, and then told your mutual friends not to mention it to you. I’d be wondering what that was all about too.

PancakeInMaBelly · 15/02/2018 18:08

Why did she want that surprise moment with me and no one else?

I dont know, maybe she told a few people by phone and then felt she was missing out on the chick-flick-esqu squeeley moment? Maybe the others have had loss issues so they got the tactful heads up and you got the on the spot reveal?

flumposie · 15/02/2018 18:09

Sounds like she enjoys playing games. I would start to distance myself.

aaaaargghhhhelpme · 15/02/2018 18:09

Pancake - I think you're right in that she wanted a 'moment' but the way she did it - announcing her surprise at ops house was to deliberately overshadow the ops day/moment/celebration.

But it's the whole telling everyone else and making sure the op is left in the dark that's odd. It's very mean girls. The ops been excluded and for what?

Sorry to hear about your announcement. That's awful Flowers