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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have cancelled swimming?

218 replies

AntoniaCaenis · 15/02/2018 12:04

I have a rule that if DD (4) has an accident before swimming then she is not allowed to go in the water. She's 99% reliable in her toileting as long as she's paying attention, so I don't have her in a swim nappy.

Today we had to wait for the pool as it was busy for half term and she wet herself dancing about before we went in. We were right next to the toilet and I asked her twice if she needed to go - but no she was having too much fun to stop Hmm.

So I had to cancel swimming. Lost the money for my swim, car parking, and her pre booked swimming lesson. It took 40 minutes to change them back and wrestle a hysterical DS (2) out to the car. He had a full blown meltdown and had to be brought home semi clothed.

So AIBU to have caused a massive upset? ( and if you were in the vicinity of our local pool this morning you'll know exactly who I am!) should I have just ignored what was a small wee and gone swimming anyway or stuck to my guns?

OP posts:
JustVent · 15/02/2018 12:05

She’s 4.

Poor kid.

HollyBayTree · 15/02/2018 12:06

Did she deliberately wet herself or was it an accident? You dont punish accidents (IMHO)

Invisimamma · 15/02/2018 12:07

She had an accident, she’s 4. I get it’s fristrating when they appear to wet themselves on purpose but this seems a bit harsh! Especially as you two year old missed out too.

jaseyraex · 15/02/2018 12:07

I'm sorry, I don't agree with punishment for having accidents. So to me, you were completely unreasonable. She's only 4! It's hardly fair on your other child either who won't understand what happened.

Ellendegeneres · 15/02/2018 12:08

Sorry but imo yabu. You could have dealt with that later, taken something away at home etc. You had two kids hysterical and upset over a wee accident?
Don’t get me wrong, I get it’s frustrating. But I’d have had words and dealt with it later. Mine are 5 and nearly 2, if I’d done that my entire day would be ruined because both would be upset and unable to bring around from the upset

Dementedswan · 15/02/2018 12:08

She's 4! If you could see her dancing about a ' right d's lets go to the toilet before swimming' and go would have been more appropriate.

PinkHeart5914 · 15/02/2018 12:08

I think seen as you were at the swimming bars already it was a harsh punishment tbh, yes she should of used the toilet but I think all dc have had accidents when having too much fun to stop.

I would of gone ahead with the swimming today, you wasted time & money for what? To punish a child for something that in all honesty isn’t that bad

FissionChips · 15/02/2018 12:10

Yabu, next time insist upon trying to wee as soon as you arrive at the place.

AuntLydia · 15/02/2018 12:10

Did you have a spare swim costume though? I wouldn't have taken her in with a wee soaked one!

KarmaStar · 15/02/2018 12:12

Sorry but yes you were bu.probably very much so.two children's activities cancelled because a small child wet herself in excitement was over the top.
To say nothing of the loss of money.
I appreciate you have to stick to rules but in this case,I'm sorry but it was unnecessary to go this far to prove a point.If you were worried you could have just taken her to the loo rather than asking,I'm not surprised she said no she wasn't concentrating on you she was thinking of her upcoming lesson.

Original poster
AntoniaCaenis · 15/02/2018 12:12

I never normally punish for accidents. But I didn't think it was reasonable to take her in the pool with a wee soaked costume. Are you all happy to swim in the pool with that?

OP posts:
OutyMcOutface · 15/02/2018 12:13

It wasn't fair to punish the younger one too. I won't comment on the effectiveness of punishing a four year old for a toiletting accident-I kniw that sometimes this happens because children are poorly behaved as opposed to a genuine accident so will assume that this is the case here. However I will say that if she is having frequent accidents you may want to check her for a UTI-this is a common cause of accidents in young girls.

Shadow666 · 15/02/2018 12:13

The OP could have given her a quick shower in her suit. I think the punishment was harsh, especially as the DS missed out too.

WeirdCatLady · 15/02/2018 12:13

Why didn’t you just take her to the toilet??

That poor child. You’re very harsh.

Original poster
AntoniaCaenis · 15/02/2018 12:14

I had already taken her to the loo once... also it wasn't discrete, there was a puddle on the floor or the reception. So all the staff and other customers saw it happen.

OP posts:
OutyMcOutface · 15/02/2018 12:14

As for the costume youcould have just give and washed it out surely?

RedSkyAtNight · 15/02/2018 12:14

It would have taken 2 minutes to rinse out the costume though ...

Rewn7 · 15/02/2018 12:14

A quick shower would have sorted the wee soaked costume. Sorry but I think you were OTT.

Sprinklestar · 15/02/2018 12:14

Man, that’s harsh!

FabulouslyFab · 15/02/2018 12:15

You could have taken her swim suit off and rinsed it out before putting her in it again. You were too harsh. Poor chick - and DS who lost out as well!

PinkHeart5914 · 15/02/2018 12:15

I would of washed her in the costume under the shower and taken her in the pool, it’s a PUBLIC swimming pool like there is no other wee etc in it

JaniceBattersby · 15/02/2018 12:15

Shower her in her swimming costume. Most little kids wee in the pool at some point, I’m afraid OP, whether we like to think about it or not.

Jellycatspyjamas · 15/02/2018 12:16

Toiletting stuff drives me crazy - especially the accidents that feel needless (e.g. right next to the toilets). Realistically though my kids have accidents usually when they're having so much fun they don't want to stop to go to the toilet. Usually I use natural consequences (i.e. I make sure it takes much longer to get cleaned up and changed into clean clothes than it would have done just to go to the toilet) is punishment enough.

If you had a clean costume for her, I would have taken her swimming - it just would have taken her longer to get there and maybe had less time/missed part of her lesson.

WhiteVixen · 15/02/2018 12:16

IMO that's what the chlorine in the water is for. Plenty of people (probably adults as well as children) wee in the pool when they're in there. Yes it's grim but there's not much you can do about it. If you don't like it then don't go swimming.

Quite a harsh punishment for me, especially as it affected both children. I'd have been more strict about going for a wee before you went in. I still have to convince me six year old to at least try for a wee before she goes in her swimming lesson as she's always adamant she doesn't need one, but then she sits on the loo and lo and behold, she does a wee. Every time.

Blankuser1992 · 15/02/2018 12:16

I think the long term affects for punishing children like that is well documented to be quite a reverse affect.

You may want to look into that, I’m sure you don’t mean to be mean to your child etc

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