To have cancelled swimming?

[AntoniaCaenis]

I have a rule that if DD (4) has an accident before swimming then she is not allowed to go in the water. She's 99% reliable in her toileting as long as she's paying attention, so I don't have her in a swim nappy.

Today we had to wait for the pool as it was busy for half term and she wet herself dancing about before we went in. We were right next to the toilet and I asked her twice if she needed to go - but no she was having too much fun to stop .

So I had to cancel swimming. Lost the money for my swim, car parking, and her pre booked swimming lesson. It took 40 minutes to change them back and wrestle a hysterical DS (2) out to the car. He had a full blown meltdown and had to be brought home semi clothed.

So AIBU to have caused a massive upset? ( and if you were in the vicinity of our local pool this morning you'll know exactly who I am!) should I have just ignored what was a small wee and gone swimming anyway or stuck to my guns?

@NerrSnerr well I'm in Scotland so most children I know go at 5 and the people I know who have children with February birthdays have postponed until the following year.

Whether 4 year olds are in school or not is irrelevant really, loads of 4 year olds wet themselves, it's normal, end of.

You don't teach by being cruel and creating a huge drama, you teach by being kind and patient, setting an example.

In this case insisting beforehand that "we always have a wee before we go in the pool". But even that doesn't mean it might have happened anyway. Sometimes being around water makes me need a wee.

When I was in reception I can remember lots of times children having accidents, and that was in the 80s.

Maybe they should have all been suspended from school as punishment? Or missed playtime?

No, you clean it up and try again.

Unsurprisingly the OP has disappeared. Although she was clearly OTT, I think her anger was more about the refusing to go for a wee when OP knew the child needed one - child was being defiant and it all backfired very publicly. OP needs to learn not to lock horns with her DD on issues like this - there will never be a winner! This is where the when/then technique comes in: When you've had a wee, then we can go in the pool... Child has the choice, parent stays calm. Tends to be very effective with 3/4 year olds.

I still make my 8 and 6 year olds go into the bathroom before we go out. They have to try to wee or we don't leave. They are always certain they do not need to go - but they are always wrong!

Oh your poor little girl! You were being VERY unreasonable! If you continue to behave in this way you’re going to give your poorDD issues!

Very harsh and your poor son!

Your poor children

Wow how shady!
Also your stupid decision wasted a session at swimming someone else could have made.

Mrs I have extensive knowledge of children and child development as well as having a disabled child who I've raised independently.
I'm very well respected for my knowledge and work with increasing independence and resilience in children who've never had an adult place boundaries and who are anxious because they can't cope with having to take responsibility for their own actions.

But thanks for the assumption otherwise

Yes of course you are youarenotkiddingme, and I'm the pope.

EVERYONE on this thread is wrong and you are right.

Actually not everyone thought the OP was wrong.
I also discussed this with parents tonight at sport my ds does

They all also said if their child refused to go to toilet when asked and then wet themselves they'd remove them from the situation as they have to learn to go when they need to go.

And you don't have to believe what I do but a very quick AS would show I raise a disabled child alone.

What has you raising a disabled child alone have to do with the price of fish?

I've raised two children, I've never punished for toilet accidents, both are secure and confident little people. I've also worked with children and families my entire career. Do I win?

I guesstimate that 99% on this thread thought ops behaviour was despicable.

Look you, op, your mates at club, can all do as you wish with your own children, but if you do as op did regularly, you'll do untold damage.

There are plenty of fruit loops out there online and around the world that believe bearing children teaches them life lessons, it doesn't make them right, and it doesn't make you right.

Anyway to put it another way, if op hadn't done what she did, and had simply stayed calm, mopped up the mess, showered her dd, and carried on. Would she be condemning her dd to a lifetime of pissing her pants?

Not likely.

Beating children, not bearing

If she'd already weed then surely your punishment is useless? I'd just be glad that she'd weed beforehand and therefore was less likely to wee again!

As previous posters have said; punishments associated with toilet training are a bad, bad idea.

You've upset both your children on a stupid rule. She said she didn't need to go, but she's a child and therefore cannot really be trusted with that decision. You should have sat her on the toilet until she went if you suspected she needed to go but wasn't honest about it.

Oh wow you are fun

I don't think it was unreasonable. It wasn't an accident. She needs to learn that if she is asked if she needs to go to the toilet she can't say no just to save time or out of excitement etc.
4 years old is more than old enough to consider these things.
A true accident when she isn't around a toilet for a while or it happens on the way to the toilet shouldn't be punished.