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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have cancelled swimming?

218 replies

AntoniaCaenis · 15/02/2018 12:04

I have a rule that if DD (4) has an accident before swimming then she is not allowed to go in the water. She's 99% reliable in her toileting as long as she's paying attention, so I don't have her in a swim nappy.

Today we had to wait for the pool as it was busy for half term and she wet herself dancing about before we went in. We were right next to the toilet and I asked her twice if she needed to go - but no she was having too much fun to stop Hmm.

So I had to cancel swimming. Lost the money for my swim, car parking, and her pre booked swimming lesson. It took 40 minutes to change them back and wrestle a hysterical DS (2) out to the car. He had a full blown meltdown and had to be brought home semi clothed.

So AIBU to have caused a massive upset? ( and if you were in the vicinity of our local pool this morning you'll know exactly who I am!) should I have just ignored what was a small wee and gone swimming anyway or stuck to my guns?

OP posts:
StickThatInYourPipe · 15/02/2018 14:32

Imo knowing to swim is a lot more urgent than a punishment for a small accident.

NoFucksImAQueen · 15/02/2018 15:29

I think you were harsh but iv done similar when really struggling. I might be reaching here but are you struggling with pnd at all? Mine sends me like this and makes me overreact terribly

bigupapple · 15/02/2018 15:44

Poor kids, well they defo aren't dancing around now, waste of a fun afternoon

meandmytinfoilhat · 15/02/2018 16:03

Why didn't you take her to the toilet when she was dancing at the pool?

Getting her to stand under the shower for a minute before she went in the pool would have sorted the costume issue.

I think you were far too harsh op.

Chrys2017 · 15/02/2018 16:26

I don't think OP was unreasonable, and I applaud her for teaching her daughter that pissing on the floor in public is not acceptable just because someone is having "too much fun".

Klobuchar · 15/02/2018 16:30

The child was 4 years old. Punishment for weeing yourself isn’t healthy. What’s she going to learn from this, other than her mother is a bit of a cow?

Chrys2017 · 15/02/2018 16:36

I wouldn't call it punishment, it's consideration for others. If I pissed myself in public I think I would take myself home too.

Klobuchar · 15/02/2018 16:38

Yeah me too, only I’m not 4, I have full control of my bladder and acknowledge when it’s time to go to the toilet.

It’s a child’s wee, not a steaming puddle of adult piss.

Notgotajarofglue · 15/02/2018 16:38

I piss in the pool all the time and im a lot older than 4

UnimaginativeUsername · 15/02/2018 16:40

I piss in the pool all the time and im a lot older than 4

Really? That’s grim.

DS2 (8) always gets out when he needs the toilet. And has done for years. It’s one thing for a nappy wearing baby or toddler with no bladder control, but everyone else can - and should - just use the toilet.

UnimaginativeUsername · 15/02/2018 16:41

If I pissed myself in public I think I would take myself home too.

Well, I’m 37 and don’t have any bladder issues. So, yes, I would go home if I’d had an issue in public.

But a not fully toilet trained 4 year old? I think things might be slightly different.

Carakanga · 15/02/2018 16:42

You're an arse. I hope when you're an old lady your daughter cancels your trip out from the home because you've had an accident.

Chrys2017 · 15/02/2018 16:42

Notgotajarofglue I guess your mother didn't know enough to teach you how to have consideration for others.

Mia1415 · 15/02/2018 16:43

Sorry but YABVU. She's only 4. You should have showered her and carried on.

Caroelle · 15/02/2018 16:47

That was harsh parenting. . If you’re know that your daughter does this you could have been really clear and said that she had to go to the toilet before you went in. You’ve just taught her that she gets punished because she couldn’t control a bodily function. You’ve probably ramped up her anxiety about going to the pool again. You caused both your children distress for a principle. You need to sit down and apologise to her and say you made a bad decision. But I bet you won’t.

strawberrypenguin · 15/02/2018 16:47

Bit harsh imo. If you thought she needed a wee with the dancing about she was doing you should have taken her to the toilet. I’d have rinsed her costume and carried on

toffee1000 · 15/02/2018 16:53

Chrys it wasn’t done deliberately FFS!! The child is FOUR!

CeeCeeMacFay · 15/02/2018 16:53

Sorry but yabu and way too harsh. She's 4. That's tiny. I feel really sorry for both your kids.

Dipitydoda · 15/02/2018 16:55

Wow poor kids!

laurzj82 · 15/02/2018 17:17

Yeah I also think it was a bit OTT OP, as well as being a total pain in the neck for you. I know it's frustrating but insisting she sat on the loo when dancing would have avoided it all

ichifanny · 15/02/2018 17:43

It’s out of order punishing a 4 year old for urinating by mistake . Almost borderline abusive to toe her swimming then take her out for such a minor infraction .

WhooooAmI24601 · 15/02/2018 17:49

I think if it happens another time you could simply wash out her costume under the taps or showers, rinse her bottom half off and start again.

For some children toilet training goes in right away. For others it takes time. I work in a Reception class and we have several every September who come in needing support with their toiletting. The very worst thing to do is to cause an upset or stressful situation over it; you smile and breeze over it even if it's the 7th time that day because, really, 4 is still very little for any adult to be getting cross over this.

PennyDreadfull · 15/02/2018 17:56

Yabu. What a nasty thing to do to your kids.

smartiecake · 15/02/2018 17:59

That waa a mean thing to do. She is only 4 and over excited accidents happen and as for your poor 2 year old, what a shame.
You caused the bigger scene by making them get changed and go home upset rather than your DD creating a puddle on the floor. Yes far too harsh. Poor kids.

roboticmom · 15/02/2018 18:05

If it was an unusual happening, why was there a rule about it? I think being careful about threatening things that you don’t want to follow through on is the solution here. You could probably see that your daughter knew it was wrong and that is enough. We learn from our mistakes, right? Especially we parents!