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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have cancelled swimming?

218 replies

AntoniaCaenis · 15/02/2018 12:04

I have a rule that if DD (4) has an accident before swimming then she is not allowed to go in the water. She's 99% reliable in her toileting as long as she's paying attention, so I don't have her in a swim nappy.

Today we had to wait for the pool as it was busy for half term and she wet herself dancing about before we went in. We were right next to the toilet and I asked her twice if she needed to go - but no she was having too much fun to stop Hmm.

So I had to cancel swimming. Lost the money for my swim, car parking, and her pre booked swimming lesson. It took 40 minutes to change them back and wrestle a hysterical DS (2) out to the car. He had a full blown meltdown and had to be brought home semi clothed.

So AIBU to have caused a massive upset? ( and if you were in the vicinity of our local pool this morning you'll know exactly who I am!) should I have just ignored what was a small wee and gone swimming anyway or stuck to my guns?

OP posts:
MrsWoolly · 15/02/2018 12:48

She won't learn anything from this, and her brother certainly won't, he's two ffs.

Lookatmenow · 15/02/2018 12:48

i think this has more to do with you than your DD - i see it as this IMO...

YOU were embarrased and thought you needed to put on a show of authority to anyone who had seen around, and now looking back at it you have realised you have massively over-reacted

Anyone seeing this would have saw a little girl (and i'll say it again, A LITTLE GIRL) wet herself - it happens and i'm also asuming the other people around would have had children with them too and wouldn't have bat an eyelid.

Like PP, you could have just put her under the shower prior to getting in the swim baths and all had a good time.

Are you sure YOU really wanted to go swimming or was this also an excuse for you to cancel it and blame the 4yr old!!!!!

Notasunnybunny · 15/02/2018 12:50

FYI swim nappies are just to catch the poo, you will be swimming in lots of kiddy wee. That’s why the chemical levels in kid pools are so high.

NerrSnerr · 15/02/2018 12:50

I cannot begin to tell you how many accidents my daughter has had in the last 6 months. We don’t punish her though, we just change her and get on with it. If she was dancing I don’t get why you didn’t make her sit on the toilet.

Chugalug · 15/02/2018 12:50

You just carry right on making life twice as hard as it needs to be

UnimaginativeUsername · 15/02/2018 12:50

Why did you have her swimming costume on anyway? She’s not 100% reliably toilet trained and it’s hard to go to the toilet if you have a swimming costume on under your clothes. (Or did you just pounce on that suggestion to try to turn round a unanimous YABU?).

I think you’ve punished your daughter (and created a huge fuss) over something that was actually your fault. You should have ensured she went to the toilet when you were waiting. You clearly knew she needed to go since you asked her twice. So you should have insisted that she went to the toilet.

SweetMoon · 15/02/2018 12:50

I would say that sounds a bit harsh, unless she wees on purpose all the time. It sounds like an accident. She may have a slightly weaker bladder than normal which isn't uncommon at this age.

Yes you should have told her off that she should have gone to the toilet, and even been cross so she knows she was wrong but perhaps she genuinely couldn't help it?

backinthatdress · 15/02/2018 12:50

YABU! What was the need to be so harsh on your 4 year old for an accident? And your other child missed out to which is even sadder!

You could of easily put her under the shower to rinse her costume out, you just totally over reacted.

I hope you’re going to apologize to her and let her know mummies don’t always get it right.

ButchyRestingFace · 15/02/2018 12:50

But I didn't think it was reasonable to take her in the pool with a wee soaked costume. Are you all happy to swim in the pool with that?

I imagine I've swum in a lot worse. That's what chlorine is for. Grin

You seem very rigid in your thinking.

MiniCooperLover · 15/02/2018 12:51

It's obvious that children dancing around who are clearly desperate for a wee will deny deny deny if in the middle of something fun or excited ... you set her up to fail frankly by not insisting she use the toilet straight away. My DS has a few accidents while out before he cracked it and would be upset. I certainly didn't punish or traumatise him like that and now he's fine. You over reacted massively OP. I'm afraid you have some apologising to do!

YetAnotherSpartacus · 15/02/2018 12:52

I feel sorry for her and your son but I would have done the same as you. It’s pretty revolting for other pool users otherwise even if child and costume have been scrubbed. Yes, I know that people wee in the pool but I try hard not to think about it - if a child has weed in front of everyone, there’s no escape from that!
I think you were being considerate to others and I think sometimes you have to take a hard line with little ones for them to learn. I’m sure she (and her brother) will go to the loo next time they are reminded

Thanks chocatoo. I can't believe the number of people here who think it's just fine that their children pee in the pool. It's disgusting.

FranticallyPeaceful · 15/02/2018 12:53

It’s not only unreasonable, it’s a downright horrible thing to do.

That said, we all overreact as parents sometimes, i wouldn’t beat yourself up about it... unless this wasn’t an overreaction and was just you doing you

Nottheduchessofcambridge · 15/02/2018 12:53

Wow, poor kid. Swim nappies are only for number twos, we never used them on our DC as they were V regular in that department. You over-reacted out of anger, it’s frustrating when they tell you they don’t need a wee when you know full well they do. A quick swill if her costume would have all it would have taken, nobody would have batted an eyelid.

FizzyGreenWater · 15/02/2018 12:53

No that's really harsh. She is 4.

The 'punishment' would be you taking her to the changing rooms, having to wash out the costume, all the while explaining that this is what happens when we have accidents - we get slowed down and miss some of our lesson having to sort it out, so it's good to try really hard to figure out when we need to go and not wee our costume.

FizzyGreenWater · 15/02/2018 12:54

And the dancing around.. come on!

'I don't neeeed to goooo'

'YES YOU DO'

that's what you do Grin

sinceyouask · 15/02/2018 12:55

She's 4. Take a spare costume for goodness sake. And don't punish toileting accidents, ever.
If you were genuinely concerned about her getting in the pool with wee on her costume you could have rinsed it out in a sink, but I don't believe that was an actual concern.

NerrSnerr · 15/02/2018 12:55

@YetAnotherSpartacus I wouldn’t let my daughter wee in the pool (I make her go before we get in) but my son is 10 months old so I really don’t have control over when he wees. Do you think children shouldn’t go swimming until they’re fully potty trained?

UnimaginativeUsername · 15/02/2018 12:55

I don’t think it’s great that children pee in the pool (but babies and toddlers will certainly be doing so).

People have suggested that she shower her DD and wash out the costume before going in. That’s quite different really.

Or the OP could do the sensible thing where she thinks an accident is likely (and she did) and change into the costume in the changing rooms. Why make getting to the toilet in time harder for a toilet training child?

upsideup · 15/02/2018 12:57

Again another poor child thread on mumsnet.

Sleepyblueocean · 15/02/2018 12:57

Any child still in nappies will be peeing in the pool.

Rumpledfaceskin · 15/02/2018 12:58

Most people accept that pools are full of wee. It’s a stupid and mean punishment but I actually can not believe that you would drag 2 kids out of the pool after the hassle of getting them changed in the first place. That’s a punishment to yourself too. If your daughter isn’t reliable why not just take her to the loo before getting in?

RedHelenB · 15/02/2018 12:58

Well if she didn't go to the toilet when asked to that is the natural consequence, not a punishment as such.

YetAnotherSpartacus · 15/02/2018 12:59

Do you think children shouldn’t go swimming until they’re fully potty trained?

Yes. Unless it's in your own pool.

TheAntiBoop · 15/02/2018 13:00

Tbf if she had just held on a couple of minutes op wouldn't have even known she'd had an accident

Longdistance · 15/02/2018 13:00

A bit of an ott reaction op. Especially as ds missed out, so YABU there.

A bit of a learning curve for you op. Next time just take her straight to the loo, no asking, does she need a wee. Non negotiable, into toilet cubicle.

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