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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have cancelled swimming?

218 replies

AntoniaCaenis · 15/02/2018 12:04

I have a rule that if DD (4) has an accident before swimming then she is not allowed to go in the water. She's 99% reliable in her toileting as long as she's paying attention, so I don't have her in a swim nappy.

Today we had to wait for the pool as it was busy for half term and she wet herself dancing about before we went in. We were right next to the toilet and I asked her twice if she needed to go - but no she was having too much fun to stop Hmm.

So I had to cancel swimming. Lost the money for my swim, car parking, and her pre booked swimming lesson. It took 40 minutes to change them back and wrestle a hysterical DS (2) out to the car. He had a full blown meltdown and had to be brought home semi clothed.

So AIBU to have caused a massive upset? ( and if you were in the vicinity of our local pool this morning you'll know exactly who I am!) should I have just ignored what was a small wee and gone swimming anyway or stuck to my guns?

OP posts:
RavenLG · 15/02/2018 18:14

But I didn't think it was reasonable to take her in the pool with a wee soaked costume. Are you all happy to swim in the pool with that?

I used to work in a pool and if someone had a solid poo in the pool, technically we didn't even have to close the pool. It would be scooped out and disposed of but the chemicals in the pool are there for that reason. We did of course close the pool just for show really, as I can imagine people kicking up a fuss otherwise.

Why was your child in her costume in reception though?

Dizzybintess · 15/02/2018 18:19

Although I wouldn’t go as far as cancelling a swimming session, I do agree that If she has been given the option to use the toilet and rejected it, then this is very frustrating.

My almost 7 year old will do this all the time. In the cinema the other day we went to the loo together and I told her 5 times she had to use the toilet before the movie. She was absolutely adamant that she didn’t need to go. In the end we went in and watched 2 trailers..... the movie starts and lo and behold I hear a “mummy I need a pee”
We had to leave all the ice cream to melt!!
If she had wet herself in the cinema I would have probably brought her home.

kaytee87 · 15/02/2018 18:23

I think it's awful to punish a child for having an accident.
You said in your op you have a rule of punishing (with no swimming) if she has an accident then later said you don't normally punish for accidents so which is it?

youarenotkiddingme · 15/02/2018 18:29

I actually don't think you were that harsh!

Plenty of 4yo are at school now. She was asked to wee and refused. She needed a wee so shouldn't have refused. She may not have intended to wet herself but she would have known she needed to go iyswim?

I'm sure next time she's asked to try she'll agree!

Missingstreetlife · 15/02/2018 18:45

Should always make them go before any activity, outing etc. Common sense.
Imagine she usually holds on and wees in the water

Chrys2017 · 15/02/2018 18:55

Imagine she usually holds on and wees in the water
I was thinking this too.

AJPTaylor · 15/02/2018 18:56

God. It wouldnt bother me. If you think kids and or adults dont wee in the pool you are naive. Thats why the chlorine is strong enough to blind you.

notsohippychick · 15/02/2018 18:57

That’s terrible!!! Poor thing.

She’s 4. Sort yourself out Op.

Aeroflotgirl · 15/02/2018 18:59

Op that was harsh, you could have showered her before, it's only wee. I would have said "no dd, it's toilet time, insist she sit in the toilet before swim, if you saw her dancing. Next week take her and make her sit in the toilet before swimming". If she doesn't she has to wear a swim nappy.

grannytomine · 15/02/2018 19:00

If she was doing the weewee dance you should have taken her.

grannytomine · 15/02/2018 19:02

I mean if she was doing the weewee dance you should have just taken her to the loo and not let her decide. I think it was a bit OTT to cause so much upset for an accident that you could have avoided.

dadshere · 15/02/2018 19:03

Rules are rules, she has to learn- YANBU

UnimaginativeUsername · 15/02/2018 19:03

That’s a good point.

I would definitely have insisted that both DSes went to the toilet before they got in the pool at 4. It would just be part of the routine. Not least because I wouldn’t want to get out of the pool to take him to the toilet once I’d got in if I could avoid it. It’s much warmer if you can just stay in the water! (Obviously I would get out if a trip to the toilet was necessary).

In fact, I still insist that DS2 (8) goes to the toilet before going to the cinema or along car journey etc. I’m not in the pool changing rooms with him anymore, but I know he gets out the pool to go to the toilet during swimming club if he needs it. And I don’t have to stand there dripping wet while he’s in the toilet, so I don’t care that he didn’t go beforehand.

(DS1 is 17, so I’d feel quite odd insisting that he goes to the toilet. I just let him decide for himself like all the other adults/nearly-adults.)

munqch · 15/02/2018 19:06

YABVU. She's 4! You were harsh and created needless upset.

JustVent · 15/02/2018 19:10

Considering the OP hadn’t replied since 12.17 or there abouts insinuates that she realised she was BU and probably feels bad about it.

And yet 6 hours of replies still telling (someone who probably isn’t even reading) that they ABU.
Why? Does it make you feel fab to repeatedly tell a parent that they misjudged and fucked up?

SheGotBetteDavisEyes · 15/02/2018 19:27

Why? Does it make you feel fab to repeatedly tell a parent that they misjudged and fucked up?

I doubt it. I imagine it's just people replying to an AIBU thread when they get around to reading it.

UnimaginativeUsername · 15/02/2018 19:31

Like most AIBU threads there are a variety of conversations going on. It’s not just all direct replies to the OP.

Some people have just seen the thread (and have probably only read the OP). Other people are having conversations about peeing in swimming pools.

An OP starts a thread. They don’t own it.

BeesAndChiscuits · 15/02/2018 19:37

Yanbu, as long as you didn’t get cross with her. If you consistently do this - calmly - as a consequence of her not making it to the toilet on time, I think it’s reasonable. 4 year olds tend to have good bladder control and “accidents” tend to be the result of putting it off.

Although it’s reasonable, it might not be the most sensible approach though, if it resulted in 40 minutes of hassle and everyone cross.

Lindy2 · 15/02/2018 19:38

Wow. That's not how I would deal with a 4 year old having a wee accident.
Two upset children, wasted entry fee and quite a lot of stress I expect. Do you think she will now never wet herself again because of this?

saoirse31 · 15/02/2018 19:52

Seems completely unreasonable to me.

HobnobBob · 15/02/2018 19:55

Your poor 2 year old, no wonder they were upset. Being punished for doing nothing.

sourpatchkid · 15/02/2018 20:32

Swim nappies don't hold wee in ShockShockShockShock

What the bloody hell am I wasting my money for then? The kid never poos! I'm gonna start using normal nappies!

(Ps. No wonder the water at Baby swim tastes disgusting!)

SuperBeagle · 15/02/2018 20:36

Some people shouldn't have children, and the OP is one of them. Cruel thing to do to your children for absolutely no justifiable reason.

grannytomine · 15/02/2018 20:43

SuperBeagle that is a bit harsh.

UnimaginativeUsername · 15/02/2018 20:51

(Ps. No wonder the water at Baby swim tastes disgusting!)

I don’t think you’re supposed to drink it. Grin

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