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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have cancelled swimming?

218 replies

AntoniaCaenis · 15/02/2018 12:04

I have a rule that if DD (4) has an accident before swimming then she is not allowed to go in the water. She's 99% reliable in her toileting as long as she's paying attention, so I don't have her in a swim nappy.

Today we had to wait for the pool as it was busy for half term and she wet herself dancing about before we went in. We were right next to the toilet and I asked her twice if she needed to go - but no she was having too much fun to stop Hmm.

So I had to cancel swimming. Lost the money for my swim, car parking, and her pre booked swimming lesson. It took 40 minutes to change them back and wrestle a hysterical DS (2) out to the car. He had a full blown meltdown and had to be brought home semi clothed.

So AIBU to have caused a massive upset? ( and if you were in the vicinity of our local pool this morning you'll know exactly who I am!) should I have just ignored what was a small wee and gone swimming anyway or stuck to my guns?

OP posts:
NerrSnerr · 15/02/2018 20:53

Don't start using normal nappies, it'll just get full of pool water and then won't hold anything in!

kaytee87 · 15/02/2018 20:54

@sourpatchkid normal nappies absorb liquid so they'd just fill up with water. That's why they can't make absorbent swim nappies, the nappies can't tell the difference between pee & water Wink

WhiteVixen · 15/02/2018 20:55

Haha yeah don't use normal nappies in the pool! They'll just soak up pool water in thirty seconds flat.

StopCallingMeShirley · 15/02/2018 20:56

Does anyone remember the thread where someone's mother had urge incontinence and urinated in her car? The OP virtually rubbed her mother's nose in it as she presented her with cleaning materials. It was awful. Her lack of empathy for her own mother. Sad

Wonder if this is the same OP now treating her child with similar disdain? Or will this OP's daughter grow up to treat her mother like this?

RavenLG · 15/02/2018 20:59

I'm gonna start using normal nappies!
Don't do this. It will soak in pool water, be like a lead weight for the kid and I've seen the gel stuff that's in them leak out and you end up having to scrape it off dc.

If no poos, you can sometimes carefully take off the swim nappy (rather than rip), clean and reuse.

afrikat · 15/02/2018 21:06

Wow I think you were really harsh. My 4 year old still has the odd accident and I wouldn't dream of getting angry or punishing him for it. We do have a rule that he has to a least sit on the toilet before swimming or a bath as I've learnt he will say he doesn't need to go when he does. If that had happened to me I would have stuck him in the shower, apologised to the staff (who presumably have mops handy) or used my own towel if I had a spare and let him go swimming
Half the bloody kids are peeing in the pool anyway

sourpatchkid · 15/02/2018 21:10

Ah thanks for the normal nappies advice - ok, that makes sense now! (You're all so helpful, thanks Smile)

If I'm honest I don't know why I've tasted it ShockBlush I think it was when we did an underwater swim with them. The boy tries to drink it all the time though ...

ForalltheSaints · 15/02/2018 21:15

Whether or not it is harsh on the child, it is kind to others and hygienic.

kaytee87 · 15/02/2018 21:33

@ForalltheSaints there's loads of urine in swimming pools, that's what the chlorine is for.

wilts09 · 15/02/2018 21:55

Bet you're sorry you asked now! Thanks

GreenSeededGrape · 15/02/2018 21:59

There's very little hygiene swimming in a public pool!

Branleuse · 15/02/2018 22:01

oh thats so cruel :(

kierenthecommunity · 15/02/2018 22:05

While I’m also on the punishment being a bit harsh bench I’m also thinking so are some of these replies. Who hasn’t had a melt down when frustrated with their kids at some point? Im sure I have.

SoftSheen · 15/02/2018 22:06

YABU. What a massive over-reaction, and so unfair to both children. It's not uncommon for preschoolers to have the odd accident, especially when they are excited. Even children in Reception have accidents from time to time.

Change your rule to 'If you want to go in the swimming pool, you need to try for a wee first'.

UnimaginativeUsername · 15/02/2018 22:06

I think this thread has probably put loads of people off their local swimming pools.

NotSoSureX · 15/02/2018 22:07

Sounds like you had a bad day. Swimming with two kids is hard enough. Having to water around in a busy sounds horrible as well. Think of it as a not so good parenting day 😉 if you asking here you must be feeling some guilt. If it's the case, make it up for both kids tomorrow and plan something they would enjoy. 🌼🌼

NaughtyNoraTheNamechanger · 15/02/2018 22:16

Haven't RTFT but YABU. It could well have still been an accident and punishing accidents get's you absolutely nowhere. Quite unfair really.

notsohippychick · 15/02/2018 22:17

shirley

I remember that thread well!! I was horrified!!!!

oobedobe · 15/02/2018 22:36

I think you were a bit harsh - IMO a 4 yo should be placed on the toliet 'time for a wee' rather than asking if they need to go (especially if they are prone to accidents).

SouthWestmom · 15/02/2018 22:39

This doesn't make sense. You had to wait for the pool but also change them back? So the pool let you come in and pay, get changed and then wait? For a pre booked swimming lesson anyway?

Nanny0gg · 15/02/2018 22:51

Plenty of 4yo are at school now.

What's that got to do with the price of fish?

Sending a child to school a year earlier than necessary (imo) doesn't magically make them reliably toilet trained.

youarenotkiddingme · 16/02/2018 09:02

Sending a 4yo to school isn't early Confused MH ds was 4 yrs and 3 weeks when he started - because that's when they start!

Yes, some 4yo will have accidents. But this 4yo refused to wee or said she didn't need to go when she did. Now she's learnt that it's better to spend 2 minutes trying rather than have an accident and miss a session.

It's not about punishment - it's about teaching life skills.

kaytee87 · 16/02/2018 09:21

@youarenotkiddingme they don't have to start until they're 5, so 4 is early.

NerrSnerr · 16/02/2018 09:24

@kaytee87 but how many parents delay until their children are 5? I don't know any? I know in my area it's the norm to send children to school at 4 which would suggest it isn't early (unless you have stats to suggest otherwise?)

MrsWoolly · 16/02/2018 09:24

Youarenotkiddingme you really do not know anything about child development do you?

Another poster was right, some people really shouldn't have children.

It's one thing getting frustrated but to actually stand by it and say it's teaching life skills.

Ops daughter won't have learnt anything from that episode, other than remembering a shit stressful morning, now she'll be scared in future when she has an accident, might even start hiding wet pants.

The 'lesson' has been totally lost in all the stress and agitation.

She'd already have learnt just from setting herself and having to go and have a shower, that would have been enough for a 4 year olds little mind.

But no, some of you have to go further and be sadistic pricks.