Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have cancelled swimming?

218 replies

AntoniaCaenis · 15/02/2018 12:04

I have a rule that if DD (4) has an accident before swimming then she is not allowed to go in the water. She's 99% reliable in her toileting as long as she's paying attention, so I don't have her in a swim nappy.

Today we had to wait for the pool as it was busy for half term and she wet herself dancing about before we went in. We were right next to the toilet and I asked her twice if she needed to go - but no she was having too much fun to stop Hmm.

So I had to cancel swimming. Lost the money for my swim, car parking, and her pre booked swimming lesson. It took 40 minutes to change them back and wrestle a hysterical DS (2) out to the car. He had a full blown meltdown and had to be brought home semi clothed.

So AIBU to have caused a massive upset? ( and if you were in the vicinity of our local pool this morning you'll know exactly who I am!) should I have just ignored what was a small wee and gone swimming anyway or stuck to my guns?

OP posts:
Idontevencareanymore · 15/02/2018 12:17

You know swim.nappies don't hold wee right? So all those babies and toddlers actually wee in the pool?

Yes yabu. And made life harder for yourself in the meantime. She's 4. Not 14.

Gileswithachainsaw · 15/02/2018 12:18

I think you were harsh. However i can understand the frustration. That is alot of pee though does she normally wee that much? I mean you expect at least a couple of hours not wetting themselves after having just been.

Could she have a UTI?

Has she been hard to train?

BarbarianMum · 15/02/2018 12:21

Its OK to insist they try and use the toilet before going into the pool. Probably easier to do that than punish a 4 year old for being stubborn.

FluffyWuffy100 · 15/02/2018 12:22

Well I probably would have showered her off and washed out the costume and got in. Lots of people piss IN the swimming pool!

StuffYouAllInTheCrust · 15/02/2018 12:23

At that age I would’ve taken her to the toilet beforehand and made her go to make sure she didn’t need to go in the middle of her lesson. YWBVU for cancelling the whole thing because your toddler had an accident. She was just excited.

Cath2907 · 15/02/2018 12:25

you are a meany, make her shower to wash off wee but don't make her miss her swimming. She is only 4!

DarkDarkNight · 15/02/2018 12:27

I'm sorry, I think that's a harsh rule for a 4 year old. I would have showered her and let her go in.

My son is 4 and leaves if to the last minute and then it's a rush for him not to wee himself, but I just keep reminding him. I carry spare clothes around for him.

Don't beat yourself up. You had a bad day, it's allowed, nobody can be the perfect parent all the time. Apologise to your daughter and move on.

TenGinBottles · 15/02/2018 12:31

Sounds to me like you were punishing yourself, not her!

Next time, don't ask her. Tell her "we're going to the toilet before we go in the pool". If you ask her, then you give her the option to say no.

MorningsEleven · 15/02/2018 12:32

You know swim.nappies don't hold wee right? So all those babies and toddlers actually wee in the pool?

Absolutely. All they do is filter solids.

MrsWoolly · 15/02/2018 12:32

Why didn't you just shower her and the costume and go in the pool.

Loads of people wee in the pool.

She's only 4 and accidents happen. Honestly she's not going to understand why you did that. Plus her baby brother lost out too.

Mountain out of a molehill if you ask me.

DarkDarkNight · 15/02/2018 12:32

Also OP, just reading your comment about all the staff and other customers seeing. I wonder if you were more bothered by other people seeing.

Ssw1 · 15/02/2018 12:35

If you saw your child dancing about like she needed to wee then you should have brought her into the loo and set her on it even if she said she didn't need to go.

No need to miss the swimming lesson as children pee in the pool anyway

Sirzy · 15/02/2018 12:36

You saw her dancing around, she is 4. You should have told her to go and try for a wee.

londonrach · 15/02/2018 12:36

Poor kid. Shes 4. Yabu and abit mean. Id have washed the costume out and continued. You punished her instead so given her the wrong message about an accident.

Urubu · 15/02/2018 12:36

YANBU OP
At 4 a child that is standing near a toilet and declines to use it and then wet themselves needs to understand that is not acceptable.

In OP's case I would guess the child was trying to keep it in to wee in the pool - less time consuming than going to the toilet.

Obviously this doesn't apply if potty training is still ongoing.

londonrach · 15/02/2018 12:37

Apologise to your daughter and explain mummy doesnt always get it right.

MissionItsPossible · 15/02/2018 12:39

That is really harsh given she's 4. Unless she deliberately stood there and did it on purpose.

SheGotBetteDavisEyes · 15/02/2018 12:42

YWBVU, for all the reasons set out by PP.

She's 99% reliable but you 'punished' her and caused all this fuss and upset for one mistake? Poor thing.

Way, way too harsh OP.

MrsWoolly · 15/02/2018 12:44

Don't talk bollox urubu.

Loads of 4 year olds have accidents, and that's exactly what they are, accidents.

People can be so fucking unnecessarily cruel to children. Have you never held on to go to the toilet because you were doing something? Well children don't have as much bladder control.

No one ever looked back and said they are really glad they dragged two screaming kids out of a swimming baths because of a wee accident.

Whatsinanameanyway201 · 15/02/2018 12:45

I have never, and will never, punish my children for having an accident. IT HAPPENS. If you punish them you start to associate it with negativity. You were being very unreasonable and cruel.

oohyoudevilyou · 15/02/2018 12:45

I think we've all done something along those lines, OP - maybe not as extreme here, as I'm always skint, so going swimming is "out, out" for us, but yeah, I've cut off my nose to spite my face with kids a few times. I've dragged stropping children back from the park and then had to entertain them at home rather than deal sensibly with challenging behaviour!

Maybe next time tell DD "when you've been to the toilet, then we can get in the pool" rather than ask if she needs to go.

KingLooieCatz · 15/02/2018 12:45

Some kids take longer to get full bladder control than others.

If they look like they need but deny it/about to set off somewhere etc. I used to say "Go to the toilet, get your willy out, count to ten, if nothing comes, fine". 99 times out of a 100 - a massive wee ensues.

So for a girl I'd say "go to toilet, sit on the seat, count to ten etc".

It has worked on other people's kids as well. If that's my one parenting hack, so be it.

chocatoo · 15/02/2018 12:46

I feel sorry for her and your son but I would have done the same as you. It’s pretty revolting for other pool users otherwise even if child and costume have been scrubbed. Yes, I know that people wee in the pool but I try hard not to think about it - if a child has weed in front of everyone, there’s no escape from that!
I think you were being considerate to others and I think sometimes you have to take a hard line with little ones for them to learn. I’m sure she (and her brother) will go to the loo next time they are reminded.

TheAntiBoop · 15/02/2018 12:46

It sounds like you acted through anger brought on by embarrassment
Yes it's awkward but most parents have been there. Clean up, rinse the suit and get on with things

And at 4, take her to the toilet and sit her on it until she goes. She will quickly learn it's easier to go quickly and get back to having fun

oohyoudevilyou · 15/02/2018 12:47

By "done something similar", I mean overreacted to bad behaviour rather than punished anything toilet-related. I suspect OP was wound up by the silliness rather than the child weeing herself specifically.

Swipe left for the next trending thread