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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have cancelled swimming?

218 replies

AntoniaCaenis · 15/02/2018 12:04

I have a rule that if DD (4) has an accident before swimming then she is not allowed to go in the water. She's 99% reliable in her toileting as long as she's paying attention, so I don't have her in a swim nappy.

Today we had to wait for the pool as it was busy for half term and she wet herself dancing about before we went in. We were right next to the toilet and I asked her twice if she needed to go - but no she was having too much fun to stop Hmm.

So I had to cancel swimming. Lost the money for my swim, car parking, and her pre booked swimming lesson. It took 40 minutes to change them back and wrestle a hysterical DS (2) out to the car. He had a full blown meltdown and had to be brought home semi clothed.

So AIBU to have caused a massive upset? ( and if you were in the vicinity of our local pool this morning you'll know exactly who I am!) should I have just ignored what was a small wee and gone swimming anyway or stuck to my guns?

OP posts:
UnimaginativeUsername · 15/02/2018 13:12

By the way, given PPs’ comments about the hassle of weeing in a swimsuit, I thought I’d share my 4yo DD’s recent innovation: if she needs a wee while swimming, we pop to the loo and she just holds the gusset of the costume aside. Wee done, costume not touched, no hassle.

That’s probably an innovation to introduce once the child is totally reliably toilet trained though. If you’re not certain that there won’t be accidents, you tend to make going to the toilet as easy as possible. Or at least I did.

I’ve always just gotten my children changed while they’re at the pool. I’m not sure that getting them changed into their trunks at home and then putting clothes on top, then taking the clothes off at the pool is a time saver. And probably a sure fire way to ensure they have to go home commando as I’ll have forgotten to pack their underwear. Grin

Eliza9917 · 15/02/2018 13:12

AntoniaCaenis Thu 15-Feb-18 12:12:40
I never normally punish for accidents. But I didn't think it was reasonable to take her in the pool with a wee soaked costume. Are you all happy to swim in the pool with that?

That's what chlorine is for. Do you really believe there isn't piss in that water anyway?

Plus the changing rooms have showers where you could have washed her off in her costume which you are supposed to do first anyway

countingdown · 15/02/2018 13:13

I wonder what posts we would be reading if the original post had been telling us about a lady at the swimming pool who put her daughter in the pool in a wee soaked swim suit!

backinthatdress · 15/02/2018 13:13

YetAnotherSpartacus - no one is saying its right to wee in the pool for god sake but young kids and babys do! a baby cannot hold its bladder. if you dont like it then dont use a public pool

JuliannaBixby · 15/02/2018 13:13

It's a weird rule to have devised. What's having an accident got to do with being allowed to swim? Confused

Klobuchar · 15/02/2018 13:13

YABVU

She’s 4. Still, I expect you felt like the big, authorative parent who was well in control of the situation in front of the leisure centre staff. Poor kids.

NerrSnerr · 15/02/2018 13:14

@countingdown almost everyone has suggested that she rinses the costume first.

Serialweightwatcher · 15/02/2018 13:14

I think you were very mean too - do you think you were more bothered about everyone witnessing it and then feeling you had to leave? You should have told her that she needs to go to the toilet before she goes in to the pool every time, not asked her if she needed to go. Feel very sorry for both your kids today and also you because if you'd felt you were right you wouldn't be asking

UnimaginativeUsername · 15/02/2018 13:14

But the OP could easily have showered her DD and rinsed our the costume. There’s no need to go in wearing ‘a wee-soaked costume’.

Or she could simply have exercised some parental authority and insisted on the trip to the toilet that was obviously required.

MrsWoolly · 15/02/2018 13:16

Why do people keep going to about wee soaked swim suits? As though the costume was soaked in a bucket of wee.

I assume it was wet at the bottom, a shower would have washed it away. Job done.

Some people are so hysterical I'm amazed they manage to go outside with all of the germs.

I'm assuming none of you hysterics sit on the grass at the park? Or put your children in the swings?

RavenclawRealist · 15/02/2018 13:17

You knew she needed the toilet! You knew the wait was longer than normal so yes you were being unresponsive you should have taken her to the toilet when you saw she needed it and avoided the whole stupid drama! So yes in my opinion you handled it badly

Givemestrengthorgin · 15/02/2018 13:17

Given that you said she is 99% reliable in her toileting i think your reaction is harsh. If it was happening a lot then I get it but if it's a rare occasion then your response is OTT.

PeppermintPasty · 15/02/2018 13:27

Yep, another vote for you being VU. My dd is 7 and sometimes she comes home from school saying she was desperate on the bus and is very very upset that a bit of wee got on her pants. I shrug it off as kindly as possible, I don't want her to have an issue about this stuff, and I would do the same in the (unlikely, given her age) pool changing rooms if this happened.

Please please don't shame her, or make her fear either the pool or going to the loo in same way. It's really nothing! These sorts of things really stick with a child.

Fairylea · 15/02/2018 13:31

Wow you are harsh!

Surely you just shrug it off and carry on regardless? At 4 accidents often happen. It really isn’t worth getting stressed about.

I can’t believe some of the comments here about pools and pee. Yes it’s not nice but any baby or toddler in the pool is going to wee occasionally. That’s why there are showers at the pool! My son is 6 and disabled and until very recently was wearing swim nappies. Reading some of the comments maybe I should have never taken him swimming! Hmm

ohlittlepea · 15/02/2018 13:37

Not a good idea to have punishment associated with toiletting

LadyGAgain · 15/02/2018 13:37

I can't believe the number of people on here who find wee disgusting. It's only wee. Unless your diet is appalling or you are completely unhealthy it's simply waste water and barely worth thinking about.

In response to original post, YABVU. It was an accident and you punished a 4 year old for that. And humiliated them. Truly a sad sad event for you and her. Hopefully one she will forget soon and hopefully one you won't. Please be kinder to your children.

ItsAllABitStrangeReally · 15/02/2018 13:42

Yabu.

Alsorts goes into swimming pools.......I once had to clean out the filtration system of a swimming pool.

Vomit, shit, pee........and don't even get me started on the dead skin we had to scrape out.

A dribble of pee from a 4 year olds swimsuit is nothing

5plusMeAndHim · 15/02/2018 13:50

Yabu and mean

Shadow1986 · 15/02/2018 14:02

I think YABU but I think you know it hence the post. It sounds like you were embarrassed/frustrated/annoyed and just wanted to get out of there.

As annoying as accidents are I’ve never punished my children for having one.

I would just right off the whole situation as a bad day and just try make up with some nice time at home instead! Having kids is very stressful sometimes and I know I don’t act my best or deal with things right every time, far from it so don’t beat yourself up.

Ubercornsdiscoball · 15/02/2018 14:06

Blimey YABVU! She is 4! I’m not sure how she managed to do it in the reception area if I am reading it correctly. I’m also not sure how you were going to take a toddler swimming at the same time unless you don’t need to be poolside for the lesson?

Mulberry72 · 15/02/2018 14:14

YABVU.

And harsh, and cruel.

Mummaofboys · 15/02/2018 14:23

I’m not surprised your two year old was upset, he misses out because of something sombody else did, not very fair. It’s up to you what you do but I think it’s unreasonable to punish children for accidental wetting, you honestly believe she did it on purpose?

MyKingdomForBrie · 15/02/2018 14:25

YAB completely U. Your poor kids, all excited for their swim. You are mean.

TeaforTiger · 15/02/2018 14:25

How bloody nasty! She's 4!
Not to mention your confused 2yo.

Poor kids.

AnaWinter · 15/02/2018 14:30

YABVU. Poor kids.