WIBU to invoice MIL for these replacements?

[Sprinklestar]

Tricky one. Stayed with PIL before Xmas, headed to my family and then back again for New Year with PIL. Left a small case of things at PIL’s, no issue there. Get back to find MIL has taken it upon herself to go through my stuff and wash it. In the process, she has damaged a couple of things (think shrunk in the dryer). They’re beyond saving. At the time I discovered this I was livid but just said thank you for trying to help but nothing (a) needed washing and (b) these things are now ruined. She muttered something about sending her the bill for replacements. I put said items in the kitchen bin...

DH tried to talk to her about what she’d done but all she’d say was that was how she washes her things - no apology, apparently I should be grateful that she’s done it (except - again - nothing needed washing!! - and not to mention the total invasion of privacy!). So, I went shopping yesterday and it’s cost £75 to replace the items. Dare I send her a bill? WIBU to do so? She has form for this kind of thing and ruined SIL’s sports gear not so long ago. She’s not got dementia - she just thinks she knows best!

*forewarned

I can see she'd assume the clothes needed washing and you wouldn't want dirty clothes sitting there for days or weeks until you got them back. When we come back from time away, we wash all clothes in the suitcase.

Think you just have to write it off, sorry.

Obviously, going in your case and washing your clothes was deliberate. I'm pretty sure the damage was accidental though.

If you invoice your MIL, all that will happen is that she'll bend your DH's ear and be extra-stroppy with you next time you see her. You won't get any money back. It won't improve your relationship with her. Neither will it improve your marriage.

Take a lockable case next time and keep your stuff secure. It sounds like you live on different continents so this problem doesn't come up very often, right?

I'd be tempted to stay there again, put the same bag in the same place, leave some non-perishable food in it so it's not obviously empty and put a note in an only-just slightly sealed envelope in the part where your now-ruined clothes were last time.

"To get to this note, you have waited until I'm not there, searched for this case, opened it, looked inside, gone through [number] of compartments and looked inside a sealed envelope.[detail anything else]

I view this as intrusion into my personal belongings and into my personal space. Therefore I am never again going to give you the opportunity to interfere with my belongings."

She can't moan about finding the note or mentioning what's in the note to anyone without admitting she was rifling through your case for no other reason than nosiness.

Oooooh she's making a point isn't she?!

The best way to handle would be for your dh to insist on replacements. Feel the red-hot disapproval from Darling Son who makes it clear that she's overstepped the mark with HIS family and has made herself look a wee bit of a fool.

Re making situation worse - depends on your take on it, if she's pretty much openly hostile and happy to pull shit like this, sometimes a sharp metaphorical tap on the nose is what's needed. Might put her back in her box. Forget 'ruining' any relationship - MIL has made it clear that she doesn't see that there is one (going through your things? Errr no) so in for a penny in for a pound.

This is the sort of thing my MIL would do and she wouldn't apologise for ruining the clothes as she'd just claim it was a problem with the quality of clothes I had bought - so my fault basically.

She used to look after DD1 at our house one day a week years ago (her idea, we had a childminder lined up) and it got to the stage where I had to hide our laundry baskets in a locked cupboard otherwise she'd go through my grundies, wash them and hang them up on radiators around the house. And if we asked her not to do the laundry she would obey for a week or so and then recommence.

Because obviously she was just trying to be nice.

The arrangement lasted about six months until we had to put a stop to it due to us nearly murdering her etc.

You can't bill your family for ruining your stuff even if it is annoying, my DM like a previous poster has form for breaking unlikely stuff and then causing further havoc by not mentioning it and trying to repair it in a botched way.
I think if my MIL did this she would replace the stuff or send me a voucher without me asking so your MIL doesn't sound very nice. My MIL does do washing of stuff I leave in her house but wouldn't open bags to get it. Just ignore it and remember not to leave your stuff there again. It isn't worth the friction it would cause to kick of over 75 pounds with a close family relative.

I’d be so pissed off she went through my stuff!

Careful OP, you may find that the storage fees & laundering come to £75.99.

They certainly would if you invoice me!!

LOL PiffleWiffle - don't ever run your own business, be fun to see you try and charge for services that hadn't been requested. Even more fun to see you go into people's homes, force said services on them and then try and charge them... eeek

Not as much fun as trying to bill a family member!!

Cant' ever imagine being that hard up!!

You are batshit

Hear Hear.....

green - for 'washed', read 'ruined, cost the OP £75 in the process, and sulkily agreed to make good the damage'

The tetchy MILs are oozing onto the thread I see.

@greenhilighter...

God forbid she did it to be NICE to you. If my DIL invoiced me for something I mistakenly shrunk because I washed it I would smear jam on her face. You ungrateful little cow ^Really ?

What a spiteful little shit you sound

I think she's done this deliberately. And so do you.

Just give yourself permission to let it go knowing what it means - and never leave her in control of you (your things) again

It might have been casdhmere that needs dry cleaning. If my MIL had done that (as she once did to a pair of my Toast wristwarmers), i would have been very cross.

My own dear mil (sarcasm) decided once to amuse ds with juggling ba;;s she had bought for him. How sweet! Except she did it in the kitchen and managed to smash my expensive Dartington champagne flutes. She replaced the lot at her expense.

I can see she'd assume the clothes needed washing and you wouldn't want dirty clothes sitting there for days or weeks until you got them back.

So why didn't she 'assume' the same about the DH's clothes?

coffee, why don't you just not let her get hold of your DS’s clothes?? Keep them in a locked case. Tell her 'no' if she asks to wash them.

Why do people put up with so much shit?

My dm does mad shit like this all the time with no apology

I still wouldn’t invoice her

I would probably dine out on this one for years though.

Remember the time mil when you went through my suitcase and boiled my clothes whenever there is a tedious family reminisce

You are unlucky with stuff being ruined in the wash, aren't you? Your DH did the same on a recent thread! His family really shouldn't do the washing.

greenhighlighter are you the mil? Surely that's the only reason you could think the op is an ungrateful cow for not appreciating her clothes being ruined?!

For those saying it's not worth it for £75 of clothes - a) I couldn't afford to replace that b) it's more the invasion of privacy than the clothes surely c) mil ASKED to be billed, sure she probably didn't mean it, but she did ask

Well spotted pax bit of a coincidence

If it where me i would send it to put my foot diwn. It maybe the last time she goes through your stuff.
I would send saying.
"Hi mil how are You? We are all well. I am just sending you the receipt for the clothes you damaged like you suggested .
Hope to hear from you soon."
Always put it back on her. She damaged the clothes. And she suggested the receipt.

It's about her learning there is boundaries. And it's not acceptable to snoop through other people private items.

onalongsabbatical

What's happening today? This and cooking sausages in the dishwasher

WTAF???