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AIBU?

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Original poster

WIBU to invoice MIL for these replacements?

220 replies

Sprinklestar · 18/01/2018 15:12

Tricky one. Stayed with PIL before Xmas, headed to my family and then back again for New Year with PIL. Left a small case of things at PIL’s, no issue there. Get back to find MIL has taken it upon herself to go through my stuff and wash it. In the process, she has damaged a couple of things (think shrunk in the dryer). They’re beyond saving. At the time I discovered this I was livid but just said thank you for trying to help but nothing (a) needed washing and (b) these things are now ruined. She muttered something about sending her the bill for replacements. I put said items in the kitchen bin...

DH tried to talk to her about what she’d done but all she’d say was that was how she washes her things - no apology, apparently I should be grateful that she’s done it (except - again - nothing needed washing!! - and not to mention the total invasion of privacy!). So, I went shopping yesterday and it’s cost £75 to replace the items. Dare I send her a bill? WIBU to do so? She has form for this kind of thing and ruined SIL’s sports gear not so long ago. She’s not got dementia - she just thinks she knows best!

OP posts:
TooManyUserNames · 18/01/2018 19:44

I feel for you OP. I accidentally ruined a cream pair of my MILs trousers last summer by putting them in with a purple towel when I was there last summer BlushShock.

They were in the washing pile in my defence but still, bit daft. Luckily I didn't get an invoice but I did offer to replace (which was nicely refused).

Bad DIL. Grin

Original poster
Sprinklestar · 18/01/2018 19:45

Tweety - even I can see the funny side. When I first told DH he was like - OMG! Isn’t that the new one - you know - that you got last week? And I was like - yes it is... As in, she’s just ruined the replacement.

I think I did well not to go nuclear at the lot of them.

And no, not a troll. Just bloody jinxed when it comes to knobbers in my family washing my things unasked. First world problem, but galling all the same.

OP posts:
paxillin · 18/01/2018 19:46

I think I did well not to go nuclear at the lot of them.

Perhaps a well-placed tantrum would help? No unlocked suitcases around snoopers, DH buys new stuff for the stuff he ruined.

RapunzelsRealMom · 18/01/2018 19:54

OP could you ask her to replace them for your next birthday gift?

FizzyGreenWater · 18/01/2018 19:59

I'm still Grin at the jam-smearing.

Like that's the PINNACLE of greenhighligter's threat list.

Forget kneecapping - face full of jam! That'll learn ya.

ptumbi · 18/01/2018 20:03

I accidentally ruined a cream pair of my MILs trousers last summer by putting them in with a purple towel - were any of these things in a shut suitcase, in the guest room? Did you deliberately go rummaging through stuff that is not yours?

JamesBlonde1 · 18/01/2018 20:12

I do not understand how people do not know how to wash and dry clothes properly when they do it week in, week out. A mistake occasionally, but this was clearly her “usual” way.

You separate the clothes into piles, you pick the setting and off you go. You take them out and know what can be tumbled and what should be line dried.

I do not understand why I see people who have money to properly wash clothes, in grey (formerly white) clothes. Case in point I know a child who is fostered and he should be going to school in a white shirt. He doesn’t. It fucking grey. What the hell is the foster carer playing at? Poor kid.

Anyway, back to the OP. I wouldn’t send her the bill but she wouldn’t get near any of my clothes (or children’s clothes) ever again.

tempester28 · 18/01/2018 20:21

I suspect you may walk into a trap if you bill her and she says to your DH - look I was trying to help and she sent me a bill.

TemptressofWaikiki · 18/01/2018 20:51

I’d sent her an invoice/total sum to pay you back. She is an adult and should be responsible for her fookery. She offered to pay. Probably not meant sincerely but you should play her at her own game. Just be all sugar sweet when you tell her the amount to pay.

blackberryfairy · 18/01/2018 22:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mycashybear · 18/01/2018 22:38

Question would you feel the same if your DM did this? Also best way to deal with this do nothing smile and act like all is fine. That way if:
A) it was an accident then you have not created a situation
B) if deliberate your happy kindness will confuse the hell out of her

Kill her with kindness confuses the hell out of people and makes you a nicer human

Original poster
Sprinklestar · 18/01/2018 23:24

My - there is that! My DM would never dream of doing anything like this! She was appalled when I told her. She’s very polite but you could tell she was thinking WTAF??? in her head when I told her! It wasn’t the washing she was bothered by, to be fair, rather the invasion of privacy, which she found really creepy.

OP posts:
RowenasDiadem · 18/01/2018 23:42

Don't bother. She'll just use it against you making out that she was being sweet and kind doing you a favour and you're just an ungrateful so and so.

My own childish and petty MIL ruined a beautiful and expensive light coloured jumper of DDs. I had specifically asked her not to wash it and just pop it back in DDs bag. She didn't. She put it in the washer along with a pair of brand new black jeans (she knew they were new as she took the label off to wash them before wearing) and acted shocked that the jumper came out covered in black dye. Well fucking DUH! She has been washing clothes for over 50 years, she should at least have an inkling if the light/darks rule by now, right? And instead of finding out how to fix it - she is perfectly able to google solutions and she does so very often - she shrugged and popped the wool jumper IN THE DRYER. Ruined and double ruined.

I had to smile, tell her it was okay and throw it straight away.

Fabulousdahlink · 19/01/2018 17:29

My own dear mum has form for this. I never ever ever leave stuff there, or if I do I use a suitcase padlock. I just put my stuff in the car!

Alidoll · 19/01/2018 17:35

I’d leave it (chalk up to a life lesson) and buy a lock for the future if you’ll leave stuff in her house

pollymere · 19/01/2018 17:36

This is a job for a face to face. I'm sure she'll apologize next time she sees you. If you really need the money, then quietly bring up that it cost you money you don't really have to replace them. Or bring it up, and see if she offers to reimburse you. Mention how much it was and take what she offers.

hollowtree · 19/01/2018 17:42

My MIL does this all the time! DH calls the washing machine in her house 'Narnia'. Most things are never seen again. She washed my rabbit once when we were dating and he still lived there!!! Good Lord woman get out of our room!

It wasn't even out it was hidden under the bed so she must have gone looking through our things! Wtf!

MichaelBendfaster · 19/01/2018 17:51

She washed my rabbit once when we were dating and he still lived there!!

I've tried a few times now to make sense of this sentence...

hollowtree · 19/01/2018 17:54

😂 not a real life rabbit

Katherine2626 · 19/01/2018 17:55

Probably not worth risking really bad feelings all round and for a long time over £75. She was wrong - she must know that - but you can be the grown up here. If she ever does anything like this again you would be justified in making a bigger deal of it.

MadRainbow · 19/01/2018 17:59

Just in defence I read this post out to my MIL and she was horrified, so we know that this MIL is a nosy Parker and not very good at covering her tracks, otherwise she would've washed DP bag full too.

Don't think my pride would allow me to invoice her even despite the cost to replace (that's a lot of.money to me). I would never want myself even the possibility of being beholden to her

HeebieJeebies456 · 19/01/2018 18:02

you need to padlock lock your bags/cases in future if you leave them at her house.....

Loonoonow · 19/01/2018 18:02

I sounds like an ongoing power struggle between you and her. I would pick your battles so you are quite right to be firm about the way you raise your DC but let her shrinking a few clothes go. If you leave stuff there in the future make sure it is in a locked case.

pourmeanother · 19/01/2018 18:08

No. You need to take a step back.

I know she has form but you've got to think about the long term ramifications about being arsey about it.

Pick your battles. You can't win this one. It could genuinely have been a 'mistake'. Not everyone will take your view even if she is a mean cow who shrinks things on purpose.

Don't leave your stuff around for her to do this again. Good advice above about getting a padlock for the future.

If she's a nutcase, issues with your kids are more important to be getting riled about. Getting mad over this may work against you in the future if you've got MIL probs with the kids generally.

For the record, my MIL shrunk a beautiful floor length dress of mine in the dryer a few years ago in similar circumstances. It near on broke my fucking heart. I think it was a genuine mistake but FFS, she could have read the 'don't tumble dry' label. Who would tumble a delicate dress? God knows what went through her head.

Oooooh. You've set me off now...

mimibunz · 19/01/2018 18:13

Ah well, lesson learned. Don’t leave anything in the future.