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To leave DH over ruined underwear?

(584 Posts)
Sprinklestar Sat 18-Nov-17 20:16:54

Ok, sounds dramatic, right?
But... We have been together years, known each other forever. Today, yet again, he washed my hand wash only underwear in the machine and ruined it. I have lost count of the number of times he has done this.
It is just such a waste and will need replacing. We must have had this scenario every year for the past ten.
It's like that thing on the internet about the man whose wife left him over a cup left on the side, its the constant drip drip drip effect and never learning.
I can't stand his incompetence anymore. How hard is it to check a label? And not mess with the stuff in the separate handwash only basket?!
I am so angry.

OP’s posts: |
Ilovetolurk Sat 18-Nov-17 20:21:19

I’m sure it’s very annoying

My DH was like this

I allocated him other jobs to do, problem solved

Frankly I would have done this 9 years ago

AnneOfCleavage Sat 18-Nov-17 20:21:50

So you have a hand wash only basket which he knows about presumably and yet he still chucked it all in a normal wash load?

I can understand not checking labels as being honest I never do either but if you have separated the piles in labelled baskets then no excuse unless he wants to act helpless so you sigh and do it yourself??

LEMtheoriginal Sat 18-Nov-17 20:24:27

I think you need to add "lighthearted" to your title or people will think you're actually serious grin

Sprinklestar Sat 18-Nov-17 20:24:48

He believed he was being helpful, apparently.
I don't want to have to do all the washing myself and I don't think I should be forced into that position as he's stupid. All that said, he didn't need to tamper with stuff I'd already separated. And you'd really have thought he'd have been more helpful given the number of times this has happened in the past.
It's the sign of a bigger problem. He just can't be arsed to take the time to think where I'm concerned.

OP’s posts: |
AnnaleeP Sat 18-Nov-17 20:25:31

Get him to buy the replacement set. And not at his leisure either, tomorrow. Even better if the only shop he can but it is miles away.

rackelle Sat 18-Nov-17 20:25:35

Do you make him pay to replace the ruined undies? I would! Might make him think

NamasteNiki Sat 18-Nov-17 20:25:53

Whenever I go home my mum does this.

Also my sports bras and kit she puts directly onto a hot raidiator to dry when it will ruin the elastic and destroy the sweat wicking capability of the fabric.

Tbh I would balk at handwashing someone elses knickers, spouse or not.

Cant you just seperate it into a bag, keep it aside and do it yourself.

Sprinklestar Sat 18-Nov-17 20:25:59

LEM - I don't know if this is lighthearted. Could well be the straw that breaks the camel's back.

OP’s posts: |
rackelle Sat 18-Nov-17 20:26:09

Great minds @AnnaleeP

Sprinklestar Sat 18-Nov-17 20:26:42

I did separate it ☹️

OP’s posts: |
Wherearemymarbles Sat 18-Nov-17 20:27:55

So hand washed underwear-
Is it cashmere? Sounds lovely and cosy!

Sprinklestar Sat 18-Nov-17 20:28:15

Oh, we can afford a replacement set, that's what I've done in the past. It's just the futility of it. And the fact it's happened so many times.
I am currently not speaking to him.
First world problem I know - but I'm just so disappointed he treats me and my things with such disregard.

OP’s posts: |
Slightlyperturbedowlagain Sat 18-Nov-17 20:28:43

I have a 'do not touch' basket on top of the washing machine for my fragile stuff, after one too many shrunken jumpers.

EmilyChambers79 Sat 18-Nov-17 20:28:46

I don't want to have to do all the washing myself and I don't think I should be forced into that position as he's stupid

Simple answer would be don't buy handwash only underwear or wash it yourself. I wouldn't expect DH to handwash my knickers.

Sprinklestar Sat 18-Nov-17 20:30:06

I didn't expect him to wash it. He took it upon himself to be 'helpful' and chucked my hand wash only stuff in with a regular load hmm

OP’s posts: |
LEMtheoriginal Sat 18-Nov-17 20:30:58

If there are other issues then fair play but otherwise you really need to reassess your priorities. LTB over a few bits of underwear? Life is short - yes it's annoying and I'd be pissed off but to actually split up? Come on now! If it is a symptom of a general disregard as opposed to a bit of dimwittedness then you either need to address it between you or call it a day.

Slightlyperturbedowlagain Sat 18-Nov-17 20:31:07

It's utterly bizarre that he took it from your handwash only basket though- does he often do stuff like that?

FlashTheSloth Sat 18-Nov-17 20:31:49

YANBU. It's clear that this is an ongoing issue and it sounds like it's not only this. It's not difficult for him to grasp at all. Why should you have to buy non handwash stuff just because he is totally incompetant.

LoniceraJaponica Sat 18-Nov-17 20:31:55

“Do you make him pay to replace the ruined undies? I would! Might make him think”

That would be pretty pointless in our case as we have a joint bank account and all of our income is shared between us. Most married couples I know also share their income and don't have "his and hers" money.

“Also my sports bras and kit she puts directly onto a hot radiator to dry when it will ruin the elastic and destroy the sweat wicking capability of the fabric.”

I didn’t know it did that. Every day is a school day.

I don’t have any underwear that requires handwashing. I just don’t buy any that does.

Lethaldrizzle Sat 18-Nov-17 20:32:00

Life is too short to hand wash anything!

Slightlyperturbedowlagain Sat 18-Nov-17 20:32:13

Do you have a 'danger keep out' sign on it? (Only half joking)

dementedpixie Sat 18-Nov-17 20:32:39

Most of my bras say hand wash only but they still survive the washing machine. What wash did he use and in what way are they ruined?

ChaChaChaCh4nges Sat 18-Nov-17 20:32:41

You’re right - it’s actually nothing to do with underwear - it’s the fact that (yet again) he couldn’t be bothered to give you a moment’s thought.

You also sound like you’re utterly at the end; your respect for him has been entirely eroded.

I recognise all this. Exactly the same happened to me. I left, and I haven’t regretted it for one moment. He was a fucking awful husband.

user1497997754 Sat 18-Nov-17 20:33:53

If that is all you have to worry about then FairPlay....does he best you....does he cheat on you....does he hurt you in anyway....if not then stop being such a diva and go to a supermarket and buy knickers like most of the human race that can be chucked in the weekly wash lol

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