WIBU to invoice MIL for these replacements?

[Sprinklestar]

Tricky one. Stayed with PIL before Xmas, headed to my family and then back again for New Year with PIL. Left a small case of things at PIL’s, no issue there. Get back to find MIL has taken it upon herself to go through my stuff and wash it. In the process, she has damaged a couple of things (think shrunk in the dryer). They’re beyond saving. At the time I discovered this I was livid but just said thank you for trying to help but nothing (a) needed washing and (b) these things are now ruined. She muttered something about sending her the bill for replacements. I put said items in the kitchen bin...

DH tried to talk to her about what she’d done but all she’d say was that was how she washes her things - no apology, apparently I should be grateful that she’s done it (except - again - nothing needed washing!! - and not to mention the total invasion of privacy!). So, I went shopping yesterday and it’s cost £75 to replace the items. Dare I send her a bill? WIBU to do so? She has form for this kind of thing and ruined SIL’s sports gear not so long ago. She’s not got dementia - she just thinks she knows best!

OK - clearly some back story here. Cheeky - yes in the extreme.

But any attempt to pass the cost back to her will just push her into being the victim and you into the aggressor? Don't bother. And don't leave anything there in the future?

My MIL breaks/trashes the strangest things. The front doorstep, the letterbox, a tap, the kitchen drawer etc. Whenever she's been to visit we do a tour of the house to check which of our belongings is suddenly defunct! It's become a joke between me and DH. But we'd never raise the subject with her and certainly wouldn't ask for repayment she wouldn't admit it anyway because she does so much to help us. bloody irritating though

Fucking hell. If my kids ever have children, I hope to shaggery that I have a better relationship with them than some people on here!

@SprinkleStar

Contact Judge Rinder or Jeremy Kyle. They love tacky shit like this.

I think she’s playing the ‘I was only trying to help’ card knowing full well what she’s done, I really do. Which is quite sad really as we were never going to be best friends but at one point, there was a level of mutual - if not respect - agreement? Certainly nothing spiteful like this.

Tell her she can pay for you all including your SIL to go out for a meal instead. that way she has to put her hand in her pocket, and doesn't get off scott free.

Wouldn't bill her... Just make sure you ask her never to wash anything of your stuff in the future when you're in her orbit...

It is a gross privacy invasion.... It does seem strange she didn't do your OH/her sons?

Was it cos his case was stored somewhere separate??

I don’t think it was a nice thing to do. If you have clothes in a case, the assumption of any reasonable person is that they are clean. To actually undo someone’s private bag, rifle through and remove selected items is so out of order - unless before she has asked you and You said yes, fine, thank you. It’s just not normal behaviour. To then put them in the wash and tumble dryer is weird. To accuse YOU of undermin8ng her by not following HER rules concern8ng your children is a massive cheek. I wouldn’t ask her to pay. Next time you’re there though Id say, by the way, please don’t wash any of my clothes. I had to replace the last ones. If she offers to pay, fine, if not I wouldn’t push it because Zi think she’s after conflict, so don’t give her the satisfaction of getting it.

My MIL breaks/trashes the strangest things. The front doorstep, the letterbox, a tap, the kitchen drawer etc. Whenever she's been to visit we do a tour of the house to check which of our belongings is suddenly defunct! It's become a joke between me and DH. But we'd never raise the subject with her and certainly wouldn't ask for repayment she wouldn't admit it anyway because she does so much to help us. bloody irritating though
How on earth did she break the front doorstep?!

She wants a reaction. Don't give it to her. She knows full well what she is doing but cannot stop herself. Drop this one and next time you leave a bag or case ensure it is filled with a dildo, fluffy handcuffs, supersized lube and a gimp mask!

I'd not send a bill. But I would plot some revenge. Break a favourite ornament or similar when you next visit, mutter that you will pay for a replacement but don't.

Play them at their own game ;)

I don't think it would be worth the agro it would cause tbh for the sake of £75

She wants a reaction. Don't give it to her. She knows full well what she is doing but cannot stop herself. Drop this one and next time you leave a bag or case ensure it is filled with a dildo, fluffy handcuffs, supersized lube and a gimp mask!

^THIS^

Don't leave anything behind at your PILs ever again, because you wouldn’t want to cause her any more work, would you?

I feel she's was genuinely sorry she should give you some money and apologise. She's throwing a tantrum as her helpfulness nosiness has back fired. Don't give into her.

NotAPuffin a question that DH and I have asked ourselves many times!

It's a tiled front step and MIL was bringing DS into the house in his buggy and somehow managed to take a large chunk out of one of the tiles with the buggy wheels and tried to blame DS

But she's fabulous when she's not breaking things!!

What's happening today? This and cooking sausages in the dishwasher and cutting dgc's hair - I'm a MIL and GM and never in a bazillion years of boredom would it occur to me to do any of the shit these people get up to. Someone leaves a bag of stuff in my house I return it to them, I don't go through it and wash it. Look after grandkids - watch DVDs with them, feed them, keep them amused - not cut their freakin' hair! Why? That's why they've got parents?

People are so weird!!!!

She wasn't doing something nice. She was snooping, and she wrecked your things.

I'd send her the invoice.

I reckon she decided to snoop through your bag, realised she couldn't repack it to look like it had been left untouched, so washed things as a favour to hide her nosiness and it resulted in ruining your things.

Actually invoice your mother-in-law? Yes, definitely do it. What could possibly go wrong?

Definitely deliberate. I wasnt sure until you said that DH had a case and she didnt go through that or wash any of his stuff.

If you did go again I would make a huge point of asking her, in front of witnesses, not to got into your case again. Then to put a note on top of your stuff inside the case "FUCK OFF YOU NOSEY BITCH!" She cant say anything without admitting to rifling through your stuff.

Send her the bill. Doesn't sound like a relationship worth holding on to anyway!!

Still - that is a possibility. Pyong - that made me laugh.

No, don't send a bill. It doesn't sound like it was deliberate. Just a bit intrusive and bossy. Hopefully she has learned her lesson, and you can remind her of this incident whenever she pulls her next "I know best" routine. Which is worth more than £75.

What jamie said.
Who goes through another adult's suitcase?

My mother in law has :

1. Damaged the living room carpet with an ironing burn when 'helping me with the ironing' - not asked for I was out with DC at the time.
2. Damage the kitchen flooring and cupboard doors by leaving a tap running over night.

She has much more money than we do but has neither offered to pay nor have we asked. She probably realises we can claim on the household insurance.

It has pissed me off too but not to the extent that I would invoice her.