To think I'm an auntie?

[Meowstro]

If I'm married to your DB, surely I'm your DC's auntie? I find it rude that I'm referred to by my first name, for example, "Meowstro'sDN, pass that to Meowstro please." My DC is an infant and as a sign of respect, I even refer to close friends as auntie so surely if I'm married into a family that makes me worthy of an auntie status? I'm a good one too, I'm always asking about their DC, buying thoughtful gifts but always offer to look after them although unfortunately haven't had the opportunity to.

AIBU?

Yanbu- my siblings aren't married but I still always refer to their partners as auntie and uncle if I'm talking to my DC. I like them and want to maintain good relationships with them and my siblings, so it would seem really petty and silly to do otherwise even though legally they aren't an auntie or uncle to my DC.

Auntie is not a term we would use. We would refer to our siblings as the children’s aunt/uncle but they have always used first names. Most of our friends children call their aunts and uncles by their first names too. Sorry but Auntie just sounds horribly net curtain and antimacassar. I imagine an Auntie Vi with werthers originals and a hairnet. We would have consciously stopped our children using the term if they’d picked it up at school.

Why would a kid refer to someone as auntie as if that were part of their name? That sounds very formal.

I expect all kids apart from my own to call me by my first name, my own refers to all my siblings by their names and I'd find it strange for a child to run around calling everybody in their mothers life 'auntie' or 'uncle'.

Family relations are built through the time you spend with them. Not by calling yourself certain words.

I wasn’t around when most of DH’s nieces/nephews were born so I don’t class myself as auntie and I wouldn’t expect to be referred to as auntie either. However the one nephew who was born after I was around (but just before we got married) does refer to me as auntie (although he’s only just 1 so it’s more his mum/dad than me!!).

I think it depends a lot on what they do normally for spouses of direct uncles/aunties (ie my cousins have never called anyone auntie- they just don’t do it!) and also if you or the children came first. I can understand it if you weren’t married when they were born or if they’re older, but if none of the above apply then it does seem a little unnecessarily excluding for you not to be called auntie!

I like them and want to maintain good relationships with them and my siblings

How would not calling them auntie/uncle prevent you from maintaining a good relationship with them?!
Honestly I feel like I’ve been missing something my whole life. I thought using the term auntie/uncle was a personal choice/preference, not a serious matter that could cause familial disharmony.

We don't use the term aunt or uncle in person in my family. Never did as children either so think it just carried on. In fact quite alot of my friends etc all do the same too. I think it's pretty formal and don't really like it.

I've been with DH for 14 years. We have 3 kids. DH had two DN's when I met him, one a toddler and the other newborn. They have NEVER called me auntie. DH once wrote on a card, From Uncle XY and Auntie XX and they made a big joke about it. "Ooooh AUNTIE XX!" As if it were silly or something.

It annoys me slightly that we raised our kids to refer to SIL's partner (not married) as Uncle when I'm not afforded the same respect.

MIL kicked off massively when I didn't want any bridesmaids at our wedding other than my young DDs (and my DSis as MOH to help with my kids). I felt no guilt having chosen MY bridesmaids and not having DN's or SIL. Especially as they don't consider me close, or family for that matter.

Well it's their choice not yours whether you are considered their aunty or not.

Do they call your dh ‘Uncle X’? If so, then yadnbu imo. If they just prefer first names without the title, then that’s different.

If you were married before they were born then yes, if married after then no.

My nephews children all call me Aunt, though technically I'm their great aunt. They also refer to my D D and her partner as Aunt, though one is a second cousin (?) And the other no blood relation at all. In my family, aunt is a honorific, which simply indicates that we have some form of family connection. What counts is our emotional connection, not our formal family connection.

I would say you are an Auntie. Whether you want to be called by Auntie or your name is up to you.

For me I hate being called Auntie. Thats mainly due to the narcissistic vile cruel spiteful Auntie I had as a child and I associate the name with that particular personality. I cringe and my stomach churns every time my neice and nephew call it me but my brother in law insists thats what his dc call all the adult siblings in the family so I'm stuck with it.

To clarify, the DC came after our marriage.
Calling me auntie alone would be fine.
Their DC are prompted to call DH's aunts and uncles just that so don't think there's any issue with the terms used.

I refer to 3 close friends as auntie, those close enough to be family and they are happy with that.

I mentioned it to DH and he said it was possibly hard to get into the habit but I think when I'm around all of the ILs and their partners/spouses I make an effort to remember, this should prompt them in return, especially a sentence later.

If you want to think of yourself and/or be thought of as a purse-lipped old biddy who thinks only of knitting and the people who have slighted her on the bus, then absolutely, you should be called Auntie.

(Disclaimer: I am firmly a non-Auntie Monty to my nephews)

My DH's nephews call us "Uncle X and Fuzzy". No "aunt" there.
I'm not that bothered but perhaps feel I should have been asked...I'm sure they called his first wife "Aunty"! And probably still do.

DNs on DH's side just call me by my name but they call DH by his name too. They know we're their aunt and uncle but we don't use titles.

But yes, you are an auntie. They should use titles for both or neither.

It's not mandatory to refer to people by their titles, you know?

And in many families, if they do it will only be to the blood relatives.

Ynbu to consider yourself their aunt, but yabu to be offended to be referred to by your name.

I still don't get why being called auntie is a sign of respect. Presumably they call you by your actual name and not fat fuckface or something?

I don't consider myself the aunt of dhs nephew and niece.

I don't consider my dh to be my nephews and nieces uncles either.

So YABU.

We'd never refer each other as such.

I called my aunts aunty whatever until I was 18 when I was told to drop the Aunty. I'm also aunty goose to my friend's children. My eldest son is also uncle gosling to DS2's niece on his wife's side

fat fuckface

Do you have any biological nieces and nephews, OP?

Of course you’re their auntie. Is it possible that in her family they refer to aunts and uncles just by their first names? It may seem strange but I grew up calling my aunts and uncles by their first names. I have a large family, for whatever reason that’s how we did it. As a pp said, if introducing them to people we’d say this is my “aunt” so and so but in just conversation I would just often use their first names, not always aunt with it. I think maybe you were taught proper manners

If you’re close to your sil, can you just tell her you’d love for her dc to call you Auntie Meowstra? That you love being their aunt and like to hear them call you auntie.

Nope not in this house, I don't consider dh's niece/nephews to be mine. But then nobody calls anyone auntie/uncle on either side actually. I asked my sil to stop calling me auntie and just use my name. Auntie is like chalk on a blackboard to me so I would definitely correct a friend if I correct my own nephew