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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I'm an auntie?

178 replies

Meowstro · 27/12/2017 20:33

If I'm married to your DB, surely I'm your DC's auntie? I find it rude that I'm referred to by my first name, for example, "Meowstro'sDN, pass that to Meowstro please." My DC is an infant and as a sign of respect, I even refer to close friends as auntie so surely if I'm married into a family that makes me worthy of an auntie status? I'm a good one too, I'm always asking about their DC, buying thoughtful gifts but always offer to look after them although unfortunately haven't had the opportunity to.

AIBU?

OP posts:
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 27/12/2017 22:19

x-posted with SockUnicorn, that exactly and you'd be in danger of fracturing the relationships that you have if you try to muscle in on a title you think you're entitled to if that's not with the parent's consent.

notacooldad · 27/12/2017 22:25

Our sons and nephews are all adults now but they never called relatives aunts or uncle.
There was no particular reason. It just never happened.

Birdshitbridgegotme · 27/12/2017 22:26

I'm not married but I'm still auntie. You are married so 100% auntie

harrietm87 · 27/12/2017 22:30

I only called my great aunts and uncles "Auntie X" and "Uncle Y" (making no distinction between blood relatives and their husbands/wives, as, as a pp said, the definition of aunt is wife of uncle). I think because they were of the older generation (ie my grandparents') and so we were more formal with them.

But with my parents' siblings and their husbands/wives we always just called them by their first names. They would have found it weird if we'd given them a title.

I'm pregnant and I will probably refer to my siblings and siblings in laws' husbands/wives/fiancées as uncles/aunts of the baby, but not where they are just a girlfriend.

PaxUniversalis · 27/12/2017 22:43

Our niece and nephew call me Auntie, which is absolutely fine, but I don't care too much for the title. It makes me feel rather old and whiskery! I'm late 40s.

OComeHalsallYeFaithful · 27/12/2017 22:50

Another one here who never called my relatives 'uncle' or 'auntie' anything - they were just known by their first names. When my DB got married and had DCs, they called me and my OH by our first names too. What's more, the children called my parents (i.e. their dgps) by their first names as well. It certainly doesn't imply any less loving a relationship.

Shenanagins · 27/12/2017 22:59

My brother’s adult dc never refer to my oh as uncle as they were already nearly adults when we got together so it would have been weird.

My oh’s sister (my sister in law) partner of 15 years is never referred to as “uncle” as he’s a dick who I’ve barely met as he rarely bothers to come to any family events.

Linnet · 27/12/2017 23:07

I never called my mums brother wife aunty xxx. Although she was my aunty she was never referred to as aunty xxx, I think she preferred just being known by her first name.

Original poster
Meowstro · 27/12/2017 23:25

@WooWooSister Yes, they call DH uncle. They do use Auntie and Uncle as titles in their family and whilst I know it is a privilege I'm not entitled to and not my decision I think it's a bit of a dick move to single me out. If they called everyone by their first name I'd accept that's how they were and that would be fine.

For those that say well I'm only aunt by marriage, surely aren't most of your previous ancestors? Or do you not accept them either.

I guess I see it as respect because I see a marriage as a union and within that union you adopt a family and are one family. If ever we divorced, I'd still (however much I disliked them in the end) regard them family as our children would be cousins, they would still be aunt and uncle to my child too.

OP posts:
SockUnicorn · 27/12/2017 23:40

@Meowstro it does sound like they are singling you out and that isnt fair. Have you thought about you (or DH) having a word with DNs mum and asking why? Maybe a direct conversation would take away the heartache. I can see it must be painful to see everyone around you "accepted" and not you. They may have a reason. Or they may just have not noticed and be mortified to have caused offence. Is your relationship with the parents close enough for a chat about this?

littlepeas · 27/12/2017 23:50

This thread is weird and a bit infuriating!! Who cares about a silly title!!?! Your relationship with your nieces and nephews by blood or marriage is not defined by a title! My nieces and nephews on dh's side all call me by my first name - I have known them all since early childhood/birth and we have a good relationship. My sister's dc do say 'auntie' because that seems to be what she wants (and my dc call her auntie first name at her instigation - I am easy going about the whole thing). None of these relationships are defined by title!! My friends' dc and my dcs' friends all call me by my first name - any attempt at auntie little or mrs peas is firmly nipped in the bud - I still feel that all of these dc respect me, in fact I'd say they feel more comfortable and confident around me, because I don't insist on any unnecessary formality. If you're worried your in laws are doing it to be snide/horrid then rise above it and be a good friend to their dc - a title doesn't matter, the relationship does.

littlepeas · 27/12/2017 23:51

Cross post op - sorry - but my last point still applies.

iniquity · 28/12/2017 00:13

My brother has adopted a child .. am I the child's aunty or not? I presume I am, my favourite aunties were the non bio ones anyway.
When it comes to cousins having babies, are they considered nephews and nieces.?

horatioisabrick · 28/12/2017 00:20

inquity

Why wouldn’t you be? You’re the aunt of any of your DB’s children.

UrgentScurryfunge · 28/12/2017 00:25

Spouses/ long-term partners are aunties/ uncles. It's fair to address them equally whether that's with the title or without. Excluding the title when the biological relative uses it is odd. Its a bit like referring to your own parents as "mum and Dave". Just don't mix an imbalance of names and titles.

I consider DH's nephew's and nieces to be mine. They are my DC's cousins so are an extension of my family unit. The oldest ones were infants at the start of our relationship and most were born after. It would be reasonable to be less close if the relationship was created well into the teenage years or adulthood.

Dontknowwherethelineis · 28/12/2017 00:32

My husband's nephew calls me auntie don't but I don't think of him as 'my' nephew. If I ever refer to him (not in front of his family obviously) then I do so as husband's nephew or my dc's cousin. A lot of my friends are the same about their husband's siblings' children.
Havimg said that, I didn't differentiate at all between biological aunts and uncles and those my marriage when I was younger and it does seem like an odd concept.

Original poster
Meowstro · 28/12/2017 00:35

I guess you are right, it is just a title, one I'd like to be assigned if everyone else is but if their parents for whatever reason don't push it, then I should just focus on being the best non titled aunt/friend I can be.

OP posts:
Original poster
Meowstro · 28/12/2017 00:39

Dontknowwherethelineis Yes, it is always "DH's DN" not "my DN" but in my eyes I'm Auntie Meowstro.

OP posts:
elliejjtiny · 28/12/2017 00:43

Dh's brother's DC call me auntie Ellie, always have done since they could talk. I've been in the family since 12 years before the eldest was born though, I don't know if that makes a difference. If anyone ever said they weren't my nieces I wouldn't like it at all. They may not be biologically related to me but we share a surname and I love them both very much.

Tippexy · 28/12/2017 00:59

The worst thing is when the mum has friends to whom she refers as the child's "Auntie XXX," yet when you are the actual auntie you get called only by your first name!

Original poster
Meowstro · 28/12/2017 09:19

Yes, Tippex, they do that too!!

OP posts:
Whatsinanameanyway201 · 28/12/2017 09:26

I've been married for 6 yrs to DH and his DNs call his evil exGF Auntie and not me. It kills me. They were never married and she stole from FIL and DH and cheated on DH endless times.

Ohmyfuck · 28/12/2017 09:28

You are their Auntie.

Enidblyton1 · 28/12/2017 09:31

I would get your DH to start referring to you as Auntie xx in front of your niece/nephew.
If your Sil/Bil refer to you by name, yet some non relatives as 'Auntie' they are being mean. Do you get on with them in general?

Thishatisnotmine · 28/12/2017 09:41

I don't refer to my brother as the dc's uncle, just his name. I think using Auntiefor friends is just odd. If it bothers you you should of course mention it and say you would like to be known as Auntie, if you don't ask they will never know.