Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I'm an auntie?

178 replies

Meowstro · 27/12/2017 20:33

If I'm married to your DB, surely I'm your DC's auntie? I find it rude that I'm referred to by my first name, for example, "Meowstro'sDN, pass that to Meowstro please." My DC is an infant and as a sign of respect, I even refer to close friends as auntie so surely if I'm married into a family that makes me worthy of an auntie status? I'm a good one too, I'm always asking about their DC, buying thoughtful gifts but always offer to look after them although unfortunately haven't had the opportunity to.

AIBU?

OP posts:
beepbeeprichie · 27/12/2017 21:16

YANBU OP. Mine by marriage don't call me Auntie beepbeep. But it's just one of the many, many passive aggressive ways their mother lets me know she hates me Grin

MikeUniformMike · 27/12/2017 21:18

If you would prefer to be called then ask your SIL to refer to you as Auntie Meowstro. My DNs call me Aunty MikeUniform and I keep telling me "Please, just MikeUniform" so they try "Aunty Mike" so I give up until next time. They are adults.

Chienrouge · 27/12/2017 21:18

It's before engagement in our family , but not much before

How do you know an engagement is imminent?

DeepanKrispanEven · 27/12/2017 21:18

What do they call your husband?

willisurvive3under2 · 27/12/2017 21:20

My SIL (DH's brother's wife), when announcing that her DB was having a baby, proclaimed 'I'm finally going to be an Auntie'.

My face was a picture, we have DC and I get them to call BIL and SIL 'Uncle' and 'Auntie'. Oh well!

Nocabbageinmyeye · 27/12/2017 21:25

Definitely not an Irish thing Peonies, I am Irish and we are the opposite, so are most of my friends, nobody calls anyone auntie/uncle anymore at all. And the considering nephews/nieces would probably be more of a reflection on the adults relationship

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 27/12/2017 21:29

I've always thought that aunts and uncles are by sibling relationships. I don't refer to myself as aunt to my husband's nieces/nephews because I'm not. He's their uncle - I'm his wife.

Same for my niece/nephew - I'm their aunt.

horatioisabrick · 27/12/2017 21:33

even refer to close friends as auntie

I personally really don’t like it.

You’re their aunt, yes. And if they refer to other aunts and uncles as ‘auntie... / uncle...’ well, then that behaviour really is rude.

QueenAmongstMen · 27/12/2017 21:33

Growing up I never callany of my aunts and uncles by their title, I just used their first name.

My son calls my sister (Sarah) "Auntie Sarah."

My own niece and nephew call me Queen as opposed to Auntie Queen and I have no problem with that at all.

My husband (Andrew) has 2 nephews and a niece and they call him Uncle Andrew when they are in his presence or talking about him. They don't call me Auntir though, I just go by my first name and I'm fine with that as technically I'm not their Auntie and it works make me feel very uncomfortable.

SheGotBetteDavisEyes · 27/12/2017 21:33

I actually can't stand the whole 'Auntie Friend' thing. An acquaintance does that all the time, so everyone is 'auntie Nina' or 'auntie Kate' or whatever. I find it quite irritating and twee.

Neither of our families use aunt or uncle. All the children are very respectful and know the family connection but neither my family or DH's use the titles.

I have over a dozen nephews and nieces, but I honestly couldn't give two hoots if someone calls me auntie or not to be honest.

GertieMotherwell · 27/12/2017 21:36

You are their Aunty

However, my nephews and nieces only ever call me Gertie

MeadowHay · 27/12/2017 21:36

You are their auntie, and if they refer to your DH as 'uncle' then they should refer to you as 'auntie'! It's different if they also refer to DH by his first name, but you've said they don't do that. I would be very upset about this as it seems like they're deliberately making a point about you not being a 'proper' relative which is really strange. I would speak to them and say that as you're the auntie, and as they are encouraged to call DH 'uncle', you too would like to be called your title, which is 'auntie', would that be ok? I can't imagine how they could justify saying no in those circumstances.

As a side-note, I think whether you go with first names or titles just depends on your family/cultural background. I'm in my mid-twenties and I would never dream of referring to an aunt, uncle, great aunt, great uncle etc by their first name alone, always 'auntie x', 'uncle y' etc. This includes any of my parents cousins that we had relationships with when we were little, and extends to a number of my parents' close, long-time friends, however most of these friends are from Muslim backgrounds and in Muslim cultures this is the done thing and seen as being respectful. I am pregnant and will raise my children to refer to their aunts & uncles etc in the same way unless any of them specifically do not want to be prefixed with 'aunt/uncle' which I would obviously respect their wishes. I will also ask close friends whether they would like to be referred to as 'auntie/uncle name' or just their first name and will respect their wishes.

TL;DR: depends on your cultural/family background what you think is the usual way, there is no right or wrong way really but in OP's case I can see why that is unreasonable and upsetting her.

SinisterBumFacedCat · 27/12/2017 21:38

It sounds very formal tbh. The only Aunt I actually refer to as "Auntie" is my Nans sister and she's a bit posh. Or there was my grandads colleague who was no relation at all. Maybe it's a generation thing. I don't think I'd like to called "Auntie"

ValentinaCat · 27/12/2017 21:38

I still call one of my aunties 'Auntie FistName' in Xmas cards etc. She's not my bio aunt and neither was she married to my bio uncle. They lived together and had a child together, now separated. She's still my aunt imo. Marriage is not the deciding factor.

Asthenia · 27/12/2017 21:40

We’ve never referred to aunts and uncles as ‘Auntie/Uncle X’. Just first names. I find it really formal when people do!

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 27/12/2017 21:40

I would have said you're NOT their aunt/auntie but your husband would be their uncle... so I'm confused now?

also, what does TL:DR mean? I see that on threads sometimes and always mean to ask... :)

ValentinaCat · 27/12/2017 21:40

But yeah, you're not really their aunt, but you can have the title in honour I guess. If my DPs sister had a child, I wouldn't consider myself their auntie in the same way that I would if it were my own sister having a baby.

MuddlingMackem · 27/12/2017 21:43

YANBU. My DB's DP is definitely my DC's aunty, they are the only aunt and uncle my children have so they weren't going to miss out on having an aunty as well as an uncle. Grin

GertieMotherwell · 27/12/2017 21:43

Partner no, it’s different if you’re married.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 27/12/2017 21:43

You'd be an aunt for your brother's/sister's children though, regardless of your marital status, just because they're your siblings so any children they have would be your nephews and nieces.

MiddleClassProblem · 27/12/2017 21:43

It’s weird if all other Aunties and uncles are referred to as such yanbu but if none are then yabu.

We’re not an auntie/uncle family. Everyone tends to end up with silly nicknames anyway...

MadisonAvenue · 27/12/2017 21:44

YANBU
Growing up (and even now at 48) I referred to all Aunties and Uncles as that, regardless of whether they're a biological Aunty or Uncle or just by marriage.

My husband has three nephews, his sister's children who are all now in their 20s, and they've never called me Aunty although they call my husband Uncle. Their father (who our children call Uncle) is an only child so I'm the only Aunty that they have.

I do find it hurtful that my sister in law has never encouraged them to call me Aunty, especially as I've been part of the family for 33 years, it doesn't make me feel like I'm included in the family. Incidentally, she always calls her Aunts, Uncles and their spouses, Aunty and Uncle.

At a wedding last year I was even introduced by my sister in law to someone as M's (one of the nephews) uncle's wife.

ColonelJackONeil · 27/12/2017 21:45

Yes you are an aunt if you are married. Being married makes you part of the family in the same way as being adopted would. Most people these days would also treat someone's dp in the same way as if they were married too.

WooWooSister · 27/12/2017 21:46

Do they call your DH uncle?
It's just your post said they call your DH's uncles and aunts by their titles so I'm wondering if that means they call your DH by his name and actually call the great-aunts and great-uncles by their title.
In our family, it depends on age-gaps tbh so my eldest nieces and nephews don't call me aunt but the younger ones do. Same in DH's family.

MeadowHay · 27/12/2017 21:46

For people saying OP is not this child's aunt, please just google the word 'aunt'. Or if you cba here you go: the sister of one's father or mother or the wife of one's uncle. And unless you really don't think someone's partner is part of the family unless they're actually wed, then that would include 'the partner of one's uncle'.

TL;DR means 'too long, didn't read', it's usually used to introduce a quick summary of a long post.