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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I'm an auntie?

178 replies

Meowstro · 27/12/2017 20:33

If I'm married to your DB, surely I'm your DC's auntie? I find it rude that I'm referred to by my first name, for example, "Meowstro'sDN, pass that to Meowstro please." My DC is an infant and as a sign of respect, I even refer to close friends as auntie so surely if I'm married into a family that makes me worthy of an auntie status? I'm a good one too, I'm always asking about their DC, buying thoughtful gifts but always offer to look after them although unfortunately haven't had the opportunity to.

AIBU?

OP posts:
FlashTheSloth · 27/12/2017 20:59

I never thought of my aunts DH's as my uncles, good job as they didn't last anyway, however I've always thought of my uncle's DW as my aunt. I don't know why tbh. I've never done the whole 'Aunty/Uncle X thing myself but I do refer to some of my siblings as Aunty/Uncle X to my DCs. I don't with 1 as we don't see her hardly at all and I don't with SIL either as we rarely see her but I think she is keen to be in touch more so that may change. She did recently refer to me as aunt to her DC so she obviously considers her brother's wife as aunt. I don't really consider her DH as uncle to my DCs though, or my sister's DH. Guess I tend to go blood relations are aunts/uncles.

TroysMammy · 27/12/2017 20:59

I still call my Dad's siblings Auntie name and Uncle name and I'm nearly 50. Some of my cousins who are older than me also still call them Auntie and Uncle.

I always wanted to be an Auntie and not having children myself and no "title", I'm glad I'm called Auntie.

1stTimeMama · 27/12/2017 21:00

My brother's wife is referred to by her name by my children, although he signs cards from Uncle and Auntie, I'm not comfortable calling her it. My husband's nephews call me my name, not Auntie, I've never told them to, so I don't know if his sister ever did, but we're NC now, so it's not a big deal.

Sashkin · 27/12/2017 21:00

What do they call your DH?

If it’s “Uncle DH” then YANBU. If they just call him by his first name too, I’d just put it down to one of those random quirks families have.

Original poster
Meowstro · 27/12/2017 21:01

@LolitaLempicka They refer to everyone else as such? I think it would show I'm accepted as family.

OP posts:
ShoesHaveSouls · 27/12/2017 21:02

Yes, you're an auntie.

Marriage makes it so, IMO. When I was a child I had uncles and aunties - married couples. I know now that one of the uncle-auntie pairs isn't actually blood-related, but that didn't really matter when I was a child.

GreenTulips · 27/12/2017 21:02

If you were married before they were born then yes, if married after then no

I gained a ne auntie in my 40's when she married my DM brother

She's Aunty X - to me and my sisters and all our children, it's a way of welcoming her to the mad house

dinosaursandtea · 27/12/2017 21:02

There’s nothing I hate worse than people who call non-relatives Auntie. It’s the MOST cringe worthy thing.

Tessliketrees · 27/12/2017 21:03

I still don't get why being called auntie is a sign of respect

That's what has thrown me as well.

My husbands only nephew has only ever called me by my first name when talking to me but still refers to me as Auntie Tess when talking about me. He is in his 20s.

Haveyoutriedturningitoffandon · 27/12/2017 21:05

I’m an auntie by marriage and my dns call me aunty haveyoutried or just haveyoutried - I don’t mind either.
My auntie (who’s lovely) firmly discouraged me from calling her auntie Delilah (not her real name) but replying ‘yes, niece haveyoutried?’ Whenever I did. I think it made her feel old Grin
Both my sisters and my SIL are aunties to my dc. There’s no distinction between blood and marriage there.
My friends are just that. One tried to call herself aunty haveyoutried’s friend when dc were little and she was swiftly (but gently) corrected.
Quiet word with the sibling perhaps op?

Splinterz · 27/12/2017 21:06

I still don't get why being called auntie is a sign of respect

It's just a courtesy title.

Chienrouge · 27/12/2017 21:06

I still don't get why being called auntie is a sign of respect

Me either. I can love and respect someone perfectly well without calling them an arbitrary title.

Thingywhatsit · 27/12/2017 21:06

I am a "great Aunty" - well not really as I spilt with their great uncle before we actually walked down the aisle - but the kids still call me Aunty thingy, and I look after them as and when and attend birthday parties/Xmas family gatherings even though I am not actually "part" of the family anymore but I am treated as such.

Your sil is just weird

PyongyangKipperbang · 27/12/2017 21:07

In our family you can gain Aunties or Uncles but never lose them!

My Uncles first wife was my auntie from the day I was born and still is despite them being divorced for 20+ years. His second wife is also my Auntie, this is the same with my thrice married other Uncle's wives.

So yes, you are an Aunt and it sounds like some point making is going on.

Sarahh2014 · 27/12/2017 21:07

I wouldn't take offense I'm married and my dh nieces and nephew call me Sarah prob because they can remember life before u came along.they are 7,8 and 10. They know I'm they're auntie as they came to our wedding and it was explained but I'm just Sarah to them and it's fine (I refer to myself in cards to them as auntie tho)

Sarahh2014 · 27/12/2017 21:08

I not u

Thingywhatsit · 27/12/2017 21:10

Oh and my uncle remarried and I have made sure that my youngest calls his new wife "Aunty Lala" as she deserves that title - I actually told her off for signing a card to her as uncle and lala only yesterday! I don't make my teen call her Aunty though as he always knew her as Lala.

Families can be very strange it seems

AppleTrayBake · 27/12/2017 21:10

My Brother is recently married and both my DC were born before we met now SIL. We are in that awkward transision between 'X and Auntie X' and sometimes the wrong one slips out. But I noticed my brother referring to her as Auntie to my DC, so I've made a mental note to make sure I do so too.

I'd hate SIL to feel like she wasn't family to us, because she very much is.

Sevendown · 27/12/2017 21:10

I don’t have any nieces or nephews.

I’m an only child so will never have blood ones.

Dp has nieces and nephews but they have never called me auntie. They ignore me and don’t even say hello or call me by my first name!

SkyIsTooHigh · 27/12/2017 21:11

Yes, Auntie. It's a no brainer to us that a married uncle's wide is an auntie etc.

The only question is when an uncle's GF becomes Auntie. It's before engagement in our family , but not much before.

FilledSoda · 27/12/2017 21:11

I'm middle aged and still call my Auntie Auntie, I couldn't just say her Christian name,it would seem so rude.

oliveinacampervan · 27/12/2017 21:13

Yes, you are the auntie, if your husband is the uncle. Smile

WindyWednesday · 27/12/2017 21:14

DB children call me auntie windy.

Dbil children call me windy if they do speak to me.

DB and I don’t have aunt or uncles so it’s a bit of a thrill to be one.

DBIL less so. They have a massive family and I’m not v important as a DIL.

iamyourequal · 27/12/2017 21:14

Yanbu at all OP. If they are calling other aunts and uncles 'Aunty x' or 'Uncle Y' they should be doing the same for you. I don't understand why other posters think this is irrelevant. It's really insulting not to call you 'Aunty' as it's implying you are not their aunt or not as important as their blood relatives. Unless perhaps you are so hip and trendy as to only suit being called your first name! Flowers Grin

PeoniesforMissAnnersley · 27/12/2017 21:14

I think it’s very weird to consider your DH/DW’s nephews and nieces as not also your nephews and nieces ... maybe just an Irish thing, but everyone I know at home would automatically assume the spouse of your bio aunt/uncle was also an aunt/uncle. I grew up with uncle Toby and Auntie Kaye, auntie Margaret and Uncle Phil we. obviously they weren’t both related to us ....

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