To say New Year is cancelled

[leiaorganashair]

DP and I moved in together under a year ago, so this year is the first we've had to deal with this time of year properly. I don't celebrate Christmas, New Year is a big celebration for my family and so DC and I have always gone home late December to my family. DSC celebrate Christmas. Months ago DP and ex agreed for DSC to spend Christmas with us, they would then go back to his ex and celebrate Christmas with her family on Boxing Day and we would go to my family after they left. Ex then got upset about spending Christmas away from DSC and guilt tripped DP to switch. They agreed DSC would spend Christmas week with ex and then come to us to do Christmas again from New Years Eve. I wasn't happy because it would make it impossible to see my family for New Year, but I agreed for the sake of keeping the peace. This is the first year we have been a blended family and there have been problems since DP moved in with DSC and his ex, so I agreed we could visit my family in the Easter break instead and have a combined New Year Christmas celebration with DSC. His ex called this morning and she expects us to just do Christmas for DSC as they will be upset otherwise. They were talking about it over Christmas and upset they wouldn't get a proper Christmas with their dad this year. I had planned to combine traditions, food etc to keep everyone happy. Christmas dinner on 31st and traditional food from my family's side on the 1st. DSC were visited by Santa at DP's last time they had Christmas with their dad on a different day so we planned to do the same this year. Ex says we can't combine this with staying up for New Year's Eve as Santa comes at midnight. She always does party food Christmas Eve and Christmas dinner Christmas Day, leftovers Boxing Day, so that has to be the same here for them. She says they don't like the kind of food my family have for New Year. She basically wants us to forget mine and DC tradition and just do Christmas the way she would with DSC again.
AIBU to book us last minute flights and leave DP and DSC to it?

I've read your post three times and I don't understand it! Sorry.

But you can do the Christmas celebrations for the DSC on a different day, and do your usual celebrations (at home which would include your children) on New Year's Eve. No need to combine them at all.

Just tell your dp that his ex doesn't get to dictate what happens in your home.

Am I right in thinking OP, that your DPs ex is trying to dictate that you replicate her three day traditions for Christmas for your DSC instead of celebrating new year?

If so, I think the phrase you're looking for is 'Fuck off'

His ex can jack off, frankly. You do what you and your DP want to do for the holiday, she does what she wants. She’s ridiculous trying to control what you do at your house.

Presumably your DP has told his ex to mind her own business? In which case no problem. If not, you have a DP problem not an ex problem.

What do you mean there have been problems since your DP moved in with DSC and his ex? Does he live with his ex??

As others have said, it's nothing to do with her. Your partner needs to tell her that. Your family is growing, blending and changing and its a chance to develop new traditions for your blended family. I would bet anything that the children haven't expressed any concern and that this is all coming from the ex. Your partner needs to tell her politely but firmly to butt out.

None of her business. Just do what you want to do.

I'd keep new year the way you want it, if you've accommodated all the Christmas expectations (which you have). Tell him you're going and go.

Just ignore her and do what you were planning.

So odd, why does she get a say?

How does his ex know that the children don't like the food that you will prepare? Unless they're fussy eaters, I suspect she's just saying that to make things more difficult for you.

Ignore her.

Your DP needs to disengage and not discuss what you will and won't be doing - instead just gently repeating what time he will be picking the kids up.

If his Ex is determined to try and get into a debate about it, then he needs to nicely remind her that he's been flexible - as this was supposed to be his Xmas with the kids - so in return she needs to accept that she can't control what he does when he's spending time with them.

I don't get what her problem is. The children are spending Christmas eve/ day/ boxing day with her so she gets to do all the usual traditions.
Why on earth does Santa need to come again on new years eve at your house? Totally unnecessary and confusing for kids.
By all means a delayed Christmas celebration and more presents, but pretending it's actually 24-26 December AGAIN er, no! If she'd actually followed what was agreed that would be what happens but she changed it, so it isn't!
Not only is she being ridiculous, she doesn't get to dictate what happens in your house. You've already made some big compromises in not visiting your family and your plans sound lovely.
So it would be a big fat NO from me.
If your partner gives in I would do as you suggest and fuck off on a plane on your own to have a good time.

Am I right in that you have your own children? And that your DP's ex expects you to drop all of your and your children's traditions in favour of her preferences? Well, of course not! Your DSC have had Christmas with their mum and your plan of doing a combination of a second
Christmas and your own New Year traditions sounds more than accomodating imo. If your DP disagrees, he can deal with his ex's unreasonably expectations. Have anyone asked her why her DCs matter more than your DCs? I would be very interested in hearing her arguments...

Your DP needs to tell his ex that she doesn’t get to dictate what’s happening and that plans can’t be changed on her whims. Different if the children wanted to be with their Mum over Christmas, but not on for her to change things because they don’t suit her. As for dictating food/traditions, she needs to fuck right off.

Oh dear god......of you fuck ..is yr reply....do as you please in yr house

What happens at your house should not be dictated by the ex. Do it the way you planned. If dh has changed his mind then get the plane to your family for New Year, and think carefully about going back.

Why on earth are you even allowing her an input. She's done Christmas her way. When you have the children next week it's none of her damn business what you do. Ignore her completely and do it your way

You and DH do what you like. Children are so adaptable, I’m quite sure it is his ex with the problem not the children. Don’t discuss what you are doing with her, just arrange the date and then do what you like with them! She isn’t entitled to know your celebrations!

Just laugh and do what you was going to do anyway.
She doesn't get to dictate what you do in your home.
You have already made a huge compromise to not see your family until later in the year. You have come up with the idea of combining ideas. If he sides with her, I would also be wondering if this is the right relationship.

I would also be wary about Easter, and be firm that no actually, you are sticking to your plans because I can see her trying to change your visit home.

I need a spreadsheet to understand your post... Long story short; the ex doesn’t get to dictate what you do in your home to celebrate whatever. Make it stop. Now.

Doris it too me two times but I've got it now.

Text or message the ex: "Ok, we'll see." And then do what you want to do and ignore ex.