To say New Year is cancelled

[leiaorganashair]

DP and I moved in together under a year ago, so this year is the first we've had to deal with this time of year properly. I don't celebrate Christmas, New Year is a big celebration for my family and so DC and I have always gone home late December to my family. DSC celebrate Christmas. Months ago DP and ex agreed for DSC to spend Christmas with us, they would then go back to his ex and celebrate Christmas with her family on Boxing Day and we would go to my family after they left. Ex then got upset about spending Christmas away from DSC and guilt tripped DP to switch. They agreed DSC would spend Christmas week with ex and then come to us to do Christmas again from New Years Eve. I wasn't happy because it would make it impossible to see my family for New Year, but I agreed for the sake of keeping the peace. This is the first year we have been a blended family and there have been problems since DP moved in with DSC and his ex, so I agreed we could visit my family in the Easter break instead and have a combined New Year Christmas celebration with DSC. His ex called this morning and she expects us to just do Christmas for DSC as they will be upset otherwise. They were talking about it over Christmas and upset they wouldn't get a proper Christmas with their dad this year. I had planned to combine traditions, food etc to keep everyone happy. Christmas dinner on 31st and traditional food from my family's side on the 1st. DSC were visited by Santa at DP's last time they had Christmas with their dad on a different day so we planned to do the same this year. Ex says we can't combine this with staying up for New Year's Eve as Santa comes at midnight. She always does party food Christmas Eve and Christmas dinner Christmas Day, leftovers Boxing Day, so that has to be the same here for them. She says they don't like the kind of food my family have for New Year. She basically wants us to forget mine and DC tradition and just do Christmas the way she would with DSC again.
AIBU to book us last minute flights and leave DP and DSC to it?

DP visiting my family with me and DD. Not DSC. I have not dragged DSC to meet my family.

I think it sounds like you've tried to accommodate all the changes and all the guests as well as you can.
I'm sure they will enjoy the visit even if the don't want to admit it
Happy new year op

I bet ex has plans fo NY and that's why she wanted to switch.

You sound lovely OP, accommodating everyone.

DSS has decided he will share with DSD1 for the next two nights but is not happy and texted his mother to moan about how horrible it is here. Mother phoned ranting to DP who pointed out when she insisted she wanted to switch dates she was told my cousin's family were due to be staying in our house while we were away and we would have to host them too now. She wanted to do this over letting us have DSC for Christmas. Other than that no major issues just yet. They know they are getting a full Christmas dinner later. They have gone out with DP while I wait for cousin's family to arrive. Not sure what more I can do really.

There is nothing more you can do or that DP can do. You've offered a compromise and gone to a lot of trouble to do so, and you can't simply give DSS and his mum exactly what they want at the cost of everyone else involved, it's not reasonable. This sounds horrendously stressful

Already new year here, Leia so I'll wish you a Happy New Year now!

leia you do right to talk about getting a court order in place to stop these shenanigans happening again. Ex sounds like a right pain in the arse.

You sound very patient and lovely.

We made it through the weekend! thank you for the New Year wishes.

It could have gone a lot worse. Cousin's family leave tomorrow, DP's parents have been here for the day today. He and the DSC will see them tomorrow, which has softened the blow of my cousin's family staying I think. DSS and DSD1 decided to be vile while DD and I were on Skype to my dad and DSD1 decided to ask when DD would go to her dad's for Christmas with him in the middle of dinner. She knew full well DD is not seeing her dad for Christmas full stop because she asked DP the same thing while they were out yesterday, it was done for effect. Other than that I think they have actually behaved better for having visitors here thankfully. DSS has clearly been texting his mother to moan all day though because DP has had a load of messages from her. He's going to have a proper discussion with DSS about how he feels tomorrow once my cousin's family are gone. So not plain sailing but it could have been a lot worse really. We will absolutely not be doing this again next year, far too stressful!

Well done OP - you deserve a medal for getting through it! Hopefully things will be calmer by next Christmas and when the kids are older that they will see that you did your best for the family as a whole! (Wish you were my Dad’s partner!)

leiaorganashair I think you have handled the situation brilliantly and worked hard to accommodate everybody.

My sister and I used to spend Boxing Day at my father's house with my SM & SSis - things were done differently to what we were used to, and food was not always to my taste but we never dreamt of complaining - and I suppose not having mobile phones probably made a difference.

Well done! Now relax

smeldra DP is taking them out tomorrow, I plan to have a quiet day with DD with lots of

DD I should point out is not seeing her dad at all at the moment because his partner has a new baby and she wants them to be in a perfect new baby bubble for Christmas. And my DSC think they have it hard.

DP is going to broach the subject of a proper agreement with his ex after this visit. I am not having our Easter trip home interrupted by this all over again.

A lot of things can change in a year, maybe even that the dsc think they actually quite enjoyed it....

Well done, and hny!

DSD2 is now practically chopstick profficient jux- the kids ones with the rubber animal of the end to hold them together. My evil plan to indoctrinate them is underway

Fab!

My bros and I were so pleased about our chopstick proficiency (having been shown how to do it by a waiter in the first Chinese restaurant we’d ever been to, near my mum’s work - waaaay back in the early 60s) that we would eat dry cornflakes with them, one at a time, and single peas, and the smallest things we could just so we could show off!

Jux DD eats pretty much everything with chopsticks at home- although not cornflakes! I grew up mostly outside Asia with an Asian American father who was determined we would be western at school and Asian at home. We had several fights I still have nightmares about over forks vs chopsticks when I was a teenager. I'm too afraid to take DD home non-chopstick profficient!

Bloody he'll I just got to the end of the thread and OP I don't know what you deserve a medal the most for, getting through the organising and then the visit or for putting up with the people on this thread who very clearly can't read a full post or purposely ignore the bits that make you the reasonable one! Either way, well done!

Well done op, it sounds like you’ve worked really hard to make all this work. Hopefully in a few years you have balanced step kids who appreciate you! Your poor dd - being cut off so her dad can do new Baby when she’s only 3

That's so sad for your DD OP. The baby is her half sibling after all.Her dad is a twat for allowing that to happen.

Yes, they need a firm agreement in place so the kids arent ruling the roost. They cant just sulk and refuse to come whenever they dont get their own way.

Akemashiteomedetougozaimasu!

Got to agree with the others who've suggested it - court order for contact from now on. None of this choppy changey stuff. And your DSS needs to stop whining back to his mother about everything - that's unfair and unreasonable. I hope your DP can make him see sense about this.

As for your own DD's dad - well, he's not much cop either is he. Your poor DD - let down by step-relatives all over the place! At least your DP is trying to make up for his initial weakness. I hope he manages it.

Your poor dd! When you and do are bending over backwards to accommodate his ex and his children's choices that really makes it stand out.

Very difficult re DSS. I'd be tempted to offer him the choice of being driven home to ex as soon as the first complaint arrives, since either he doesn't want to be there - and at 11 that's his choice really - or he's getting caught up in feeding his mum ammunition or using her to bash and punish his dad. Since ex is responding so vigorously to everything he says without trying to help DSS or calm things down she is clearly sitting at home very invested in this and tacitly encouraging or even expecting it from DSS poor kid. Ex needs to keep screenshots of the texts from ex and their frequency as carcass need to realise ex is facilitating the tension for DSS.

Cafcas. Ruddy autocorrect.

All I can say is 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

For surviving the weekend first off!

And for managing all the people on this thread determined to analyse every word you type to make sure you're the one in the wrong - because your the SM don't ya know!

Imo it's no wonder we have non resilient kids growing up nowadays. It doesn't hurt once in a while to say "yes, I get this isn't the situation you wanted - but it's the one that exists and is happening".

I'd personally get DP to ask kids what they want next year? Do they want same arrangement as this Christmas/NY or do they want the original arrangement of Christmas with Dad? Let them feel like they have some control but let them know what the arrangements of both are.