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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be upset by MILs comment

211 replies

flutterby3 · 21/12/2017 07:58

Hi so my DD will be 1 next week, my MIL has recently started having my DD once every couple of weeks for the afternoon while I'm at work (my mum has her majority of the time when I'm working)

My DP went to pick her up from MILs on Monday and while there MIL kept letting DD take her glasses because she liked the noise DD makes when allowed to do it. My DP asked her not to let her do it as a lot of my family wear glasses all the time and we have always told her not to and so she hasn't been touching peoples glasses. (Obviously some peoples glasses are very expensive and we can't afford to pay for them if they get broken by DD). And actually since MIL has been looking after her she has a new fascination with glasses and has been pulling them off family's faces 🤦🏻‍♀️

Anyway MIL said to DP "well I'll just let her do it when you're not here" and obviously my DP was not happy about this comment. And by saying This I now feel like We can't trust her to look after DD.

I know the glasses issue isn't that important but it's her comment that concerns me most. AIBU to be upset/concerned about this comment? How would you feel about it

Thanks

OP posts:
Heratnumber7 · 21/12/2017 08:00

Oh grow up! MIL is doing you a favour, and having a bit of fun with the child.
DC will learn that not everyone finds the same things funny.

MissClareRemembers · 21/12/2017 08:03

This is really not a big deal. There will be many, many times when someone does something which goes against your parenting. Learn to pick your battles wisely!

hesterton · 21/12/2017 08:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Moussemoose · 21/12/2017 08:04

She probably shouldn't have said it but you are overreacting massively.

Sounds like you are looking for an excuse to not let her look after your dd.

hesterton · 21/12/2017 08:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Tinselistacky · 21/12/2017 08:04

I am with you op!! My specs are always expensive as I have a high prescription and my dc know they aren't a toy!! Next time ask mil will she be replacing people's specs when they get broken? It's OK to not allow your dc every bloody item they want to use as a toy tell her!!
And the comment I would pull her up on - remind her she is trusted with your dd and that the arrangement can be stopped if you can't trust her... My exmil said she would feed my dc meat when they are vegi - she never had them after that (that's another thread!!)

Grumblepants · 21/12/2017 08:04

I'd be annoyed too. Your dd is going to learn if she can't get what she wants from you, she can go running to Nanny. It's also really confusing for her. My SIL put a no sweets block on her DD during the week and my mum said to me "well I will just give her sweets when her mum isn't there, she shouldn't miss out". Needless to say I told mum that was really out of order and weather you agree or not it's the parents place to decide what the rules are.

Roussette · 21/12/2017 08:05

Good grief! Don't be daft!

It won't last that she'll want to do this, probably the novelty will wear off next week. Your MIL looks after your baby, don't be so mean and let them have their little games that are special to them. You are very lucky to have your MIL putting herself out to look after your child.

I dread becoming a MIL when I read threads like this

This is so much a NON ISSUE I can't believe you are upset about this

Candyfloss1122 · 21/12/2017 08:05

I'd be annoyed, it's a simple enough request, even if she had just agreed and then cared on it would have been better than being deliberately defiant.

Yes she is doing you a favor by having DD, but for some reason on mn this is often met with Favour = you must let them do as they please... particularly when anyone mentions mil.

Fairylea · 21/12/2017 08:05

Just let it go. Seriously. In the grand scheme of things it’s a small thing.

StubbleTurnips · 21/12/2017 08:06

OP you know the rules, want childcare to listen to your requests - pay for it. Otherwise suck it up.

It's a stage they go through anyway and I'm sure nothing to do with your telling her.

Coughingchildren5 · 21/12/2017 08:06

You are being petty. Your MIL shouldn't be expected to pretend to be you when looking after your little one. Be grateful they are enjoying their time together instead of finding fault.

hesterton · 21/12/2017 08:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

52FestiveRoad · 21/12/2017 08:08

I think the fact that she outright said she would let her do it when you are not around is very telling. This time it may be the glasses, next time it may be a more serious issue that she disregards. She does respect your decisions. Can you find other child care for that afternoon?

BarbarianMum · 21/12/2017 08:08

How would I feel? Id be quiet embarrassed at my dp having such a stick up his arse but I'd get over it.

I expected the people looking after my dc to listen to me/us on the big decisions but
I had no problem with them doing their own thing most of the time.

BadFeminist · 21/12/2017 08:08

You're not being petty, it's the most annoying, irksome and frustrating part of parenthood.

Grandparents are dicks. They seem to become much better parental roles as soon as you have your own child and everything is fun and a laugh and you end up the bad guy.

Grit yo teeth op.

Roussette · 21/12/2017 08:09

Bloody hell. MILs aren't servants and they have brought up the precious husbands so they can't be all bad. 'Know the rules' sounds awful, treat them with some respect FGS, they are human

LizzieSiddal · 21/12/2017 08:09

Tell her that dd has snatched Auntie marys glasses, and they've broken. Would she now like to listen to your request to stop allowing your dd to do this?

Dh and I have had to tell many "white lies" to mil over the years. She's one of those people who thinks she's right 100% of the time. It gets very tiresome Hmm

Roussette · 21/12/2017 08:10

Grandparents are dicks.

Right. Got you. How insulting. Can't wait for you to become one.

user1493413286 · 21/12/2017 08:12

I agree with you actually as I don’t think it’s just about the glasses; it’s about anything you ask her to do/not to do and her ignoring you. I think other posters might have missed this a bit.
Also it’s your and your DPs child; if you request something she should keep to it; end of. I would just keep an eye on things like this though and if it starts transferring to other things you’ve asked her not to do then have another word.

Helendee · 21/12/2017 08:13

BadFeminist

I am a grandparent and far from being a dick.

Thanks for the sweeping generalisation though.

LizzieSiddal · 21/12/2017 08:14

My glasses cost over £300.
I hope all of you who are ok with someone encouraging your child to potentially damage someone else's glasses are willing to pay the bill!

hesterton · 21/12/2017 08:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RedHelenB · 21/12/2017 08:16

Mountains and molehill spring to.mind! YABU!

Roussette · 21/12/2017 08:17

Bottom line is... to some people MILs/GPs can't do right for doing wrong.

Whatever they do some DILs will find fault. One of my DCs used to play a silly little game with her GM before alzheimers took hold. OK it could've been a tad annoying but she associated it with her GM, didn't want to do it when here and I took great joy in the fact she had a special relationship with her before she died.

But of course she was a dick wasn't she... Hmm

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